If you punish your kid by not letting them attend a play date or birthday party, does it hurt the other kid more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is beyond rude and I honestly can’t believe that anyone would think it is okay.

Life must be difficult for you

I guess we found the rude person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This type of punishment only works if you had told your kid ahead of time that if they did X behavior, then they would not be able to attend the party. Taking a social activity away seems harsh when they didn't have warning. I never forgave my parents for punishing me by not letting me go to the play that I had rehearsed for for months.

But the other family wouldn’t know you told your kid that

[Anonymous]

How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Are you serious? Because nobody wants to catch what your kid has if they are sick. Just make them pick up their toys later, don’t cancel a play date if they don’t listen to you. You could probably both use the break.

[Anonymous]

You are punishing the host. If you sent back an RSVP that your child is attending a party, then the host is making arrangements for your kid. If it’s a paid venue, like Skyzone, TopGolf, lazer tag, bowling, etc., then the host must commit to a specific number of kids earlier than the party date. When your child arbitrarily misses because the parents are using it as a last minute punishment, then you are being rude to the parent who already pre-paid for your child, pre-bought food for your child and a goody bag for your child. The host could have invited a different friend, but your child took the slot and never showed up last minute. You are terribly rude and inconsiderate. You created a punishment for your child which impacts others negatively. Look beyond yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that’s your kid’s currency then yes it’s a good consequence. Your obligation is to your child not someone else’s child.

What the heck? No this is not ok. If this is literally the only thing your kid cares about then you fulfill your commitment and say we are taking a break from play dates for a while and don’t agree to any for a month or something.

How lazy do you have to be to not be able to come up with a different consequence?? If you are a parent who has done this in the past you screwed up, sent a terrible message to your kids and definitely hurt their social lives. I would never invite a child again if they pulled this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

I know you think that was a cute snappy put down, but following through on social commitments has never caused any of my children distress or harm. I also believe that teaching them that other people matter serves them well.

Why ask a question if you do not want an answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If that’s your kid’s currency then yes it’s a good consequence. Your obligation is to your child not someone else’s child.

What the heck? No this is not ok. If this is literally the only thing your kid cares about then you fulfill your commitment and say we are taking a break from play dates for a while and don’t agree to any for a month or something.

How lazy do you have to be to not be able to come up with a different consequence?? If you are a parent who has done this in the past you screwed up, sent a terrible message to your kids and definitely hurt their social lives. I would never invite a child again if they pulled this.[/quote]


That's a you problem. And honestly the child would probably be better of not being : in your circle" Outside of DCUM land this is not an issue and most parents aren't this unbalanced to be 1. thinking that much about the kid who didn't show up 2. figure if they didn't show up it's probably for a good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

It's not that really. you apologize give whatever excuse you need to and move on. Most parents are sane enough to not blink over this. We did this once for some egregious behavior. Never happened again and my kid and the other kid are still friends 10 years late. Shocking right. Like it's notatlly possible that sometime you can be really strict with your child and it's not the end of the world. Parent your kid and don't try to please others when you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone said this to me when I had my oldest 16 years ago (I have two younger kids now) and it’s stuck with me over the years and I’ve tried not to ever take away an opportunity that involves another child. DH has always disagreed over the years but I have always felt it makes the other kid feel sad because now they have no one to play with and we’re looking forward to your kid coming over.

Is that right? Give me more perspective.

How the other kid feels is not your primary concern. It is their parents’ job. Your kid is not as important to the other kid as you seem to think. DH is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

Illness is out of everyone’s control. A punishment is very much within the control of the parent, and it is devaluing the other family’s time and the other child’s feelings and expectations.

So other people are more important than your kid. Gotcha .

No. But you as a parent are capable of figuring out a different consequence tbat doesnt impact another child or child being social with their peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If that’s your kid’s currency then yes it’s a good consequence. Your obligation is to your child not someone else’s child.

What the heck? No this is not ok. If this is literally the only thing your kid cares about then you fulfill your commitment and say we are taking a break from play dates for a while and don’t agree to any for a month or something.

How lazy do you have to be to not be able to come up with a different consequence?? If you are a parent who has done this in the past you screwed up, sent a terrible message to your kids and definitely hurt their social lives. I would never invite a child again if they pulled this.[/quote]


That's a you problem. And honestly the child would probably be better of not being : in your circle" Outside of DCUM land this is not an issue and most parents aren't this unbalanced to be 1. thinking that much about the kid who didn't show up 2. figure if they didn't show up it's probably for a good reason.

DP but “That’s a you problem”? PP doesn’t have a problem. PP has a solution for how she deal with families that are rude.

I disagree that bailing on an RSVP is not an issue. I have hosted and attended parties where attendance was lower or less predictable than hoped. Flu season, etc. It stinks. It is stressful for hosts. Sometimes it is what it is. If you’re sick, you’re sick. But don’t be a flake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than if your kid gets sick and can’t go?

It's not that really. you apologize give whatever excuse you need to and move on. Most parents are sane enough to not blink over this. We did this once for some egregious behavior. Never happened again and my kid and the other kid are still friends 10 years late. Shocking right. Like it's notatlly possible that sometime you can be really strict with your child and it's not the end of the world. Parent your kid and don't try to please others when you do it.

By make whatever excuse you need does that mean lie and pretend they were sick or something? Or did you actually admit you were using their child as part of the punishment for yours?