All Joy and No Fun; Why parents hate parenting.

Anonymous
For me, having DD (now 7 months old) meant giving up my health. She is a happy, beautiful, healthy baby, and for that I am so grateful and blessed. But since her delivery, I have had nothing but one medical problem after another. Surgery to repair my vagina, constant trembling, twitching and "vibrating" sensations in my arms and legs that never fully go away and drive me NUTS with anxiety, a superbug-type cold every two weeks that has me missing work and falling behind on mommy duties, and a general sense of real physical decline. Before having her, I was a runner who had no medical problems. Now, although I'm 34 years old, I feel a bitter 50.

I love my daughter SOO much. And no one can question that when I'm with her, we are sunshine and happiness. But there are days when everything hurts and I'm scared I'll never recover...and I wonder if it was worth it. It makes me cry to even type this, but it's true.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Well, I do think it is hard. I think the "prison" poster probably has 2 under 2. Those early, "in the trenches" years are so hard----you are still learning how to be a parent, your marriage is re-adjusting, your personality is trying to find balance.

BUT....I have a good friend who cried every day for 2 years when she SAH with her 2. And she tells me, for her, it got better every single day. She did not love the baby years, but elementary and even high school---she is having a blast.

Just like teachers don't specialize in every age, I think it is natural that different personality parents find different ages more fun or enjoyable. Heck, a good friend of mine is really enjoying getting to know her mom again in a new way as a 90 year old! (she is 65). I just think parenting is a journey and sometimes you get a lot of turbulence, other times you will soar.


I agree, I used to be a high school teacher and I chose to teach high school (even though I was certified k-12) because I enjoy older kids. I adore my 3 yo DD and having much more fun with her now than when she was an infant, but I can't wait until she can do more things Also, I've decided that I am NOT a baby person. . .now that I'm pregnant with #2 I am mentally trying to prepare myself. . .I just don't know how people with 4, 6, 8 kids do it. I could not do the infant stage that often and not end up on meds/in therapy.
Anonymous
In total agreement, PP. The kids are 14 and 16 and while we have our typical teenage scuffles, it's much more fun to parent (for me, at least) a kid who can do stuff for himself, doesn't need to be watched every moment, can use basic reasoning skills, etc. The more grown up they get, the more we can share interests, debate politics, and go to ballgames together without them getting bored and wanting to leave early even thought it's tied and this game has playoff implications for Mommy's team.

Those first five years, though...man. Some days I'd have handed them over to gypsies in a heartbeat, especially the younger one who loved to scream bloody murder in the grocery store so everybody could stop and stare at the horrible woman abusing her son in public.
Anonymous
as an olderish parent, i think part of the issue is that many of us are just harder on ourselves because we've been in our professions for some time and may be overachievers, so being a parent seems hard because there's so little feedback, etc. it isn't that we don't enjoy it, we're just really hard on ourselves
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:For me, having DD (now 7 months old) meant giving up my health. She is a happy, beautiful, healthy baby, and for that I am so grateful and blessed. But since her delivery, I have had nothing but one medical problem after another. Surgery to repair my vagina, constant trembling, twitching and "vibrating" sensations in my arms and legs that never fully go away and drive me NUTS with anxiety, a superbug-type cold every two weeks that has me missing work and falling behind on mommy duties, and a general sense of real physical decline. Before having her, I was a runner who had no medical problems. Now, although I'm 34 years old, I feel a bitter 50.

I love my daughter SOO much. And no one can question that when I'm with her, we are sunshine and happiness. But there are days when everything hurts and I'm scared I'll never recover...and I wonder if it was worth it. It makes me cry to even type this, but it's true.


Sorry you are going through this. I had a dream pregnancy and delivery but admit I had a really crazy year of medical mysteries and ailments. Thankfully, now that she is 2, this past year has been calmer. I'm also 34 and was also a runner and very healthy.

I caught every bug that first year, broke out in a SERIOUS case of hives that was a nightmare (may have been hormonal, was weaning, it was spring, no vaccines, allergies, etc. and could not find another cause), was run down and underweight from breast feeding, had to have oral surgery from a problem that started during pregnancy, and felt like an 80 year old getting out of bed in the morning.

Things are better now. Not as sick, not as rundown, though definitely tired. I hope things improve for you - I think you'll find the next year is easier!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I will urge my DDs not to have kids. There is no good time to do so and no good age. Having kids as a woman pretty much guarantees you will not reach Rice or Sotomayor level on your own. You find out that you are the indentured servants of little ones whiles DH is not. I told a 30yo professional woman who has been with her husband for 10 years and is considering kids that she should do everything she wants to do now because after the kids are born she will disappear.

If women told each other the truth our species would not continue. I am at the point where I do not want to watch a movie in which a child plays a big role or read a novel in which child characters feature prominently. When my friends bring up kids I change the subject. Who talks about their prison all the time?


Tell as many young women as you want, but PLEASE don't tell your DDs that you wish you hadn't had THEM!!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will urge my DDs not to have kids. There is no good time to do so and no good age. Having kids as a woman pretty much guarantees you will not reach Rice or Sotomayor level on your own. You find out that you are the indentured servants of little ones whiles DH is not. I told a 30yo professional woman who has been with her husband for 10 years and is considering kids that she should do everything she wants to do now because after the kids are born she will disappear.

If women told each other the truth our species would not continue. I am at the point where I do not want to watch a movie in which a child plays a big role or read a novel in which child characters feature prominently. When my friends bring up kids I change the subject. Who talks about their prison all the time?


Tell as many young women as you want, but PLEASE don't tell your DDs that you wish you hadn't had THEM!!


I'm sure they already know.
Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Go to: