All Joy and No Fun; Why parents hate parenting.

[Anonymous]

Interesting read. How many of us who had children later in life agree about the bit that says we are less happy once we have kids because we gave up more to have them?

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting read. How many of us who had children later in life agree about the bit that says we are less happy once we have kids because we gave up more to have them?

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

I don't.

[Anonymous]

I have observed this among people I know, but assumed it was because the older new parents were more tired than they would be if they were 10-15 years younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting read. How many of us who had children later in life agree about the bit that says we are less happy once we have kids because we gave up more to have them?

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

I'm less happy because DH has became more selfish & lazy since we became parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have observed this among people I know, but assumed it was because the older new parents were more tired than they would be if they were 10-15 years younger.

I have also noticed this. . .I have a neighbor who had a child later in life and constantly talk about how hard it was/is, how she can't handle it etc. Needless to say, they only have one. But I have also met women who are older with preschool age kids who are full of energy and obviously enjoy their kids so I think personality has a lot to do with it. Some people like the idea of having a child but when they actually have one, they realize it's not all that it's cut out to be. In the case of my neighbor, I think she felt that she was giving up a lot of her life for the child and it was hard for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting read. How many of us who had children later in life agree about the bit that says we are less happy once we have kids because we gave up more to have them?

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

I'm less happy because DH has became more selfish & lazy since we became parents.

Hahaha. This is why I love DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Fascinating article. Thanks for sharing. I have one child with no plans for more. It turned out to be more difficult than I expected (and I did expect it to be challenging). A lot of this article rings true, although I wouldn't say the quote about children turning all other joys to shit is. There are definitely things I enjoyed before that I enjoy just the same, if not more, with my son in the picture. I'm looking forward to him getting older and more independent though, and having more quality 'me' and 'couple' time come back into the scene.

[Anonymous]

I was 39 when I had my child, and I don't fit this article at all. I absolutely love being a mom, even when it's hard. That isn't to say I'm super-thrilled right when my kid is mashing cheese and grape juice into the sofa. I have my melt downs and get frustrated. But overall, I'm really loving it.

I thought it was actually "easier" for me to be a mom and deal with all the sacrifice of personal time that it entails because I "was" older --I had had 20 years to party and travel and care only about myself and whatever dysfunctional boyfriend I may have had at the time.

However, we are all different, and the best we can do is find ways to cope with what really bugs us about parenting and make sure we don't lose sight of ourselves as well. I think parenthood is a journey in self-exploration as well. At least it has been for me.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, pp, I wonder how your son feels. Do you treat him with respect? If not, I doubt he will be looking foward to daddy time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting read. How many of us who had children later in life agree about the bit that says we are less happy once we have kids because we gave up more to have them?

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

I'm less happy because DH has became more selfish & lazy since we became parents.

"Mothers are less happy than fathers, single parents are less happy still."


A reason why mothers are less happy than fathers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, pp, I wonder how your son feels. Do you treat him with respect? If not, I doubt he will be looking foward to daddy time.

Huh? Whose son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have observed this among people I know, but assumed it was because the older new parents were more tired than they would be if they were 10-15 years younger.

I have also noticed this. . .I have a neighbor who had a child later in life and constantly talk about how hard it was/is, how she can't handle it etc. Needless to say, they only have one. But I have also met women who are older with preschool age kids who are full of energy and obviously enjoy their kids so I think personality has a lot to do with it. Some people like the idea of having a child but when they actually have one, they realize it's not all that it's cut out to be. In the case of my neighbor, I think she felt that she was giving up a lot of her life for the child and it was hard for her.

There might have been a thread about this article on DCUM this summer. I gave up things to parent - still do - no thanks for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 39 when I had my child, and I don't fit this article at all. I absolutely love being a mom, even when it's hard. That isn't to say I'm super-thrilled right when my kid is mashing cheese and grape juice into the sofa. I have my melt downs and get frustrated. But overall, I'm really loving it.

I thought it was actually "easier" for me to be a mom and deal with all the sacrifice of personal time that it entails because I "was" older --I had had 20 years to party and travel and care only about myself and whatever dysfunctional boyfriend I may have had at the time.

Totally agree!!! I had DS at 39 also. Before that I traveled extensively, ran marathons, went on a safari, etc. I'd "been there, done that" already by the time I became a parent. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in life. I've been through some really rough times too so I've learned to not sweat the small stuff now. It's made me a much more relaxed and less tense parent then I would have been in my 20's.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree at all. I'm glad I had a kid while older because I gave up less. I think it would have been much harder when I was younger and going out all the time to adjust to having a child. And I knew having a child would be hard because I saw all my friends do it - this was another benefit from having a child while older.

Am I tired. Heck yes. But Tired doesn't mean unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I can see how having a child when you're young-early 20's *could* make you more resentful because you haven't had a chance to live yet. But on the other hand, what if you don't know what you're missing? My friends from high school all married and had kids young - my best friend had her first at 19. None of them had any desire to travel and going to college was an opportunity to meet a husband-sick, I know. I went to high school in a small conservative town and that was the "normal" thing to do. Everyone thought I was nuts to move to Chicago at 18 by myself to go to *gasp* ART SCHOOL!

I am a relatively young mom compared to people in this area - 31 with a 3 yo and one on the way. But I traveled, went to grad school, worked, etc. before having kids so I'm pretty content with where I am. My only regret is not taking 3 months to backpack around the world first But we fully intend on dragging our kids everywhere with us so having kids is not going to stop us from doing things!