Wife and reality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife just scolded me on the phone for 30 minutes because she is at work and not at home with our DC (early teen) while DC is not in school for the summer. She acts as though it is a foreign concept for both parents to work. Like we are an oddity. Have no idea where the sense of entitlement comes from.

Whenever I need to travel for work which is rare and only for one or tow days she acts as though no one else ever travels for work. I am lucky to have a job where I have flexibility in my schedule and whenever she takes time off vacation, I can work around that and go on vacation at the same time even on short notice. She thinks everyone has that luxury even though she doesn't even have the luxury.

I don't even know how to respond to this. She doesn't even leave room in form conversation, just condescending demeaning tone. She has made up her mind that this is wrong and not acceptable.

She regrets marrying a loser. A real man would provide for his family so she could focus on raising your child.

Yes I am a loser who makes $600k.

Maybe she's looking for you to suggest she quit?

I want to quit and I feel pressured to work by DH. I make 300k. He made the same until he lost his job. I'd LOVE it if he made 600k and I could stay home.

.....I too might have some resentment like your wife. I feel trapped. And I still do the lion's share of kidcare. He thinks it's 50/50, it's not. Similar with house work - he cleans one or two dishes and it becomes "I did all the dishes last night" - forgetting we/I cooked for a family of 4 and used pots, pans, and we all eat off plates, so there's way more than 1 or 2. Now I get to do all of that, plus pay all the bills. Yay!

Its so clear that women aren't gracious af all when they are higher earners.

Nope, I'm not gracious when I have to do everything. Either let me have a traditional role where all I have to do is look after the kids and home OR let me focus on finances and outsource housework and split 50/50 they stuff with the kids. I don't want to have to do both - it breeds resentment. So you hit the nail on the head if you think I'm not gracious about having to support a whole family without much help from the other adult in the house - that's literally what a spouse/partner is for. If they can't step up and be a full partner, it's better to be alone and know I do it all without the expectation that anyone will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife just scolded me on the phone for 30 minutes because she is at work and not at home with our DC (early teen) while DC is not in school for the summer. She acts as though it is a foreign concept for both parents to work. Like we are an oddity. Have no idea where the sense of entitlement comes from.

Whenever I need to travel for work which is rare and only for one or tow days she acts as though no one else ever travels for work. I am lucky to have a job where I have flexibility in my schedule and whenever she takes time off vacation, I can work around that and go on vacation at the same time even on short notice. She thinks everyone has that luxury even though she doesn't even have the luxury.

I don't even know how to respond to this. She doesn't even leave room in form conversation, just condescending demeaning tone. She has made up her mind that this is wrong and not acceptable.

Use your words. "I understand that you are upset. I don't think this conversation is fruitful. Let's brainstorm and follow up on this later."

Sitting through her speech while you are stewing is a choice that you are making. Make a different choice. If a conversation is distasteful to you, exit it gracefully. If you can't assign positive intent and give some grace to your spouse, then you are perpetuating a vicious cycle of resentment. Again, you have agency; if you don't want to be unhappy, change something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife just scolded me on the phone for 30 minutes because she is at work and not at home with our DC (early teen) while DC is not in school for the summer. She acts as though it is a foreign concept for both parents to work. Like we are an oddity. Have no idea where the sense of entitlement comes from.

Whenever I need to travel for work which is rare and only for one or tow days she acts as though no one else ever travels for work. I am lucky to have a job where I have flexibility in my schedule and whenever she takes time off vacation, I can work around that and go on vacation at the same time even on short notice. She thinks everyone has that luxury even though she doesn't even have the luxury.

I don't even know how to respond to this. She doesn't even leave room in form conversation, just condescending demeaning tone. She has made up her mind that this is wrong and not acceptable.

She regrets marrying a loser. A real man would provide for his family so she could focus on raising your child.

Yes I am a loser who makes $600k.

Maybe she's looking for you to suggest she quit?

I want to quit and I feel pressured to work by DH. I make 300k. He made the same until he lost his job. I'd LOVE it if he made 600k and I could stay home.

.....I too might have some resentment like your wife. I feel trapped. And I still do the lion's share of kidcare. He thinks it's 50/50, it's not. Similar with house work - he cleans one or two dishes and it becomes "I did all the dishes last night" - forgetting we/I cooked for a family of 4 and used pots, pans, and we all eat off plates, so there's way more than 1 or 2. Now I get to do all of that, plus pay all the bills. Yay!

Its so clear that women aren't gracious af all when they are higher earners.

DP. My husband was a SAHD for a few years when our kids were little, and I loved it. We did outsource a lot of the cooking and housework and things, but he took care of the kids, signed them up for classes, taught them to read. It was great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the scolding part here? Is she saying you should be home with the child, or she should be home with the child, and are you supposed to make more money or something? Tie together why the daughter being home alone translated into scolding you.

I don’t see how she is scolding OP either. Maybe she is just venting, and he’s taking it personally?

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. If you make $600k you can afford for her to SAHM if that's what she wants to do. Happy wife, happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife just scolded me on the phone for 30 minutes because she is at work and not at home with our DC (early teen) while DC is not in school for the summer. She acts as though it is a foreign concept for both parents to work. Like we are an oddity. Have no idea where the sense of entitlement comes from.

Whenever I need to travel for work which is rare and only for one or tow days she acts as though no one else ever travels for work. I am lucky to have a job where I have flexibility in my schedule and whenever she takes time off vacation, I can work around that and go on vacation at the same time even on short notice. She thinks everyone has that luxury even though she doesn't even have the luxury.

I don't even know how to respond to this. She doesn't even leave room in form conversation, just condescending demeaning tone. She has made up her mind that this is wrong and not acceptable.

She regrets marrying a loser. A real man would provide for his family so she could focus on raising your child.

Yes I am a loser who makes $600k.

Keep walking it down DCUM master

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one, and I mean no one calls their yacht on the Chesapeake or Potomac a boat. And fishing rigs are not called boats either.

It’s a 42’ boat, so not a yacht.

What’s the point of talking about your boat? To keep confirming you are a selfish douche?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mad that the kid is wasting time at home sitting around. How about camp?

Disagree. I think she is just mad she is not a SAHM and summer is the only time she can argue the value in that with a straight face.

If she makes less than 20% of their HHI and she wants to be a SAHM, then they should talk about it.

I have offered, we could afford it. But we can't afford it and the beach house, and the boat and the nice vacations etc.

I don’t understand what you mean. Can you afford for her to SAH or not?

I am assuming that you wouldn’t be renting a couch in someone’s home and living off food stamps without her income.

If it means that you can’t have the boat, which is literally how you spend every weekend, and you can’t go on vacation, is what you make enough for you two to feel like you are able to get your needs met or not?

Yes we can live off what I make. It would mean her giving up what she wants, boat, beach house etc. or down sizing those.

Love the threats Op.
You tell your wife and kids those same ones too!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. If DW quits, you guys scale back on discretionary fun stuff so you can keep saving at the same levels. 150k is not chump change, but you should run the retirement projections and make sure you're being reasonable.

Are there some vacations you could cut back on? Does she REALLY love the boat as much as you do? The people I know who boat every weekend usually burn out on it

Boats are a money pit and everyone who’s had one, maintained one, winches or slips one, insured one, and winterizes one knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She feels guilty and is taking it out on you.

Why doesn’t OP “feel guilty” the kid is alone all day and neglected by the WFH parent who’s also in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife just scolded me on the phone for 30 minutes because she is at work and not at home with our DC (early teen) while DC is not in school for the summer. She acts as though it is a foreign concept for both parents to work. Like we are an oddity. Have no idea where the sense of entitlement comes from.

Whenever I need to travel for work which is rare and only for one or tow days she acts as though no one else ever travels for work. I am lucky to have a job where I have flexibility in my schedule and whenever she takes time off vacation, I can work around that and go on vacation at the same time even on short notice. She thinks everyone has that luxury even though she doesn't even have the luxury.

I don't even know how to respond to this. She doesn't even leave room in form conversation, just condescending demeaning tone. She has made up her mind that this is wrong and not acceptable.

She regrets marrying a loser. A real man would provide for his family so she could focus on raising your child.

Yes I am a loser who makes $600k.

Maybe she's looking for you to suggest she quit?

I want to quit and I feel pressured to work by DH. I make 300k. He made the same until he lost his job. I'd LOVE it if he made 600k and I could stay home.

.....I too might have some resentment like your wife. I feel trapped. And I still do the lion's share of kidcare. He thinks it's 50/50, it's not. Similar with house work - he cleans one or two dishes and it becomes "I did all the dishes last night" - forgetting we/I cooked for a family of 4 and used pots, pans, and we all eat off plates, so there's way more than 1 or 2. Now I get to do all of that, plus pay all the bills. Yay!

Op prob has a volatile dicey commission bonus job and keeps citing his all-time peak year number.

Personally I think this is all a troll thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. If DW quits, you guys scale back on discretionary fun stuff so you can keep saving at the same levels. 150k is not chump change, but you should run the retirement projections and make sure you're being reasonable.

Are there some vacations you could cut back on? Does she REALLY love the boat as much as you do? The people I know who boat every weekend usually burn out on it

150k w-2 income after 50-60% federal, state and city is chump change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it OP. If DW quits, you guys scale back on discretionary fun stuff so you can keep saving at the same levels. 150k is not chump change, but you should run the retirement projections and make sure you're being reasonable.

Are there some vacations you could cut back on? Does she REALLY love the boat as much as you do? The people I know who boat every weekend usually burn out on it

Boats are a money pit and everyone who’s had one, maintained one, winches or slips one, insured one, and winterizes one knows it.

Found the use of her $60k income after taxes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mad that the kid is wasting time at home sitting around. How about camp?

Disagree. I think she is just mad she is not a SAHM and summer is the only time she can argue the value in that with a straight face.

If she makes less than 20% of their HHI and she wants to be a SAHM, then they should talk about it.

I have offered, we could afford it. But we can't afford it and the beach house, and the boat and the nice vacations etc.

I don’t understand what you mean. Can you afford for her to SAH or not?

I am assuming that you wouldn’t be renting a couch in someone’s home and living off food stamps without her income.

If it means that you can’t have the boat, which is literally how you spend every weekend, and you can’t go on vacation, is what you make enough for you two to feel like you are able to get your needs met or not?

Yes we can live off what I make. It would mean her giving up what she wants, boat, beach house etc. or down sizing those.

The above makes zero sense.

Are you one of those a-holes who don’t commingle your paychecks and only saves/invests your net income and then makes a game of it to only live of your wife’s net income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the scolding part here? Is she saying you should be home with the child, or she should be home with the child, and are you supposed to make more money or something? Tie together why the daughter being home alone translated into scolding you.

I don’t see how she is scolding OP either. Maybe she is just venting, and he’s taking it personally?

I only see OP scolding his wife, who has a steady reliable income, to “never quit or else” she’ll lose the beach house, boat and vacations forever. Cackle cackle cackle.