Wife and reality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women who grew up UMC end up angry if they have to continue working. There eventually ends up being some resentment. Some women here will chime in that they love their job and absolutely would do it over staying at home and enjoying life, but they are either outliers or in denial.

Really it’s the system that we are angry about. Needing and expecting to work but not having an equal partner at home.

Weird.

What does she do that she can’t also “work from home?”
Just ask to wfh for summers or twice a week. We all know it’s a joke. But just ask, esp if you’re senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is kind of wrong. My kids are the same age, and it’s hard to figure out what to do with them. They are too old for most camps or to have a babysitter, but too young to really manage their free time well.

You can empathize with her and not take it personally, OP.

Again it is about her feeling like she should not be working. The kid is fine and stays busy.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is kind of wrong. My kids are the same age, and it’s hard to figure out what to do with them. They are too old for most camps or to have a babysitter, but too young to really manage their free time well.

You can empathize with her and not take it personally, OP.

Again it is about her feeling like she should not be working. The kid is fine and stays busy.

Then why doesn't she quit? You said you make 4x what she makes. I'm guessing you make like $250K or something? Why does she need to work? Why doesn't she just quit.

I was bitter that I had to work to help pay for DH's vacation home he purchased before we got together (he did put me on title after we got married) instead of being at home with the kids. I wanted to stop working for a bit while the kids were still young, and I was always so stressed out. He finally agreed to sell the vacation home , but only because we needed a 3rd bedroom after opposite gender DC #2 was born, and after much arguing. I was on the verge of telling him that I wanted to split our finances, and he would have to pay for that house on his own. I was happy to get myself off the title if it meant I could be home with the kids.

But before we sold, I was super bitter, and it hurt our marriage.

I did eventually go back to work and that enabled DH to eventually retire early, which he had always wanted to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mad that the kid is wasting time at home sitting around. How about camp?

Disagree. I think she is just mad she is not a SAHM and summer is the only time she can argue the value in that with a straight face.

If she makes less than 20% of their HHI and she wants to be a SAHM, then they should talk about it.

I have offered, we could afford it. But we can't afford it and the beach house, and the boat and the nice vacations etc.

I don’t understand what you mean. Can you afford for her to SAH or not?

I am assuming that you wouldn’t be renting a couch in someone’s home and living off food stamps without her income.

If it means that you can’t have the boat, which is literally how you spend every weekend, and you can’t go on vacation, is what you make enough for you two to feel like you are able to get your needs met or not?

[Anonymous]

I think this is one of the kids out of school we are seeing now. Doing their best to pretend to be their dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women who grew up UMC end up angry if they have to continue working. There eventually ends up being some resentment. Some women here will chime in that they love their job and absolutely would do it over staying at home and enjoying life, but they are either outliers or in denial.

Really it’s the system that we are angry about. Needing and expecting to work but not having an equal partner at home.

The fundamental problem is that women are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mad that the kid is wasting time at home sitting around. How about camp?

Disagree. I think she is just mad she is not a SAHM and summer is the only time she can argue the value in that with a straight face.

If she makes less than 20% of their HHI and she wants to be a SAHM, then they should talk about it.

I have offered, we could afford it. But we can't afford it and the beach house, and the boat and the nice vacations etc.

So she makes less than 20% of your HHI, yet her working is the only way to afford a beach house, boat, and nice vacations?? How much do you make? This doesn’t compute.

[Anonymous]

What did you do or help do? For eg:

Select and sign up for sleep away or day camps?

Pick some good summer school programs?

Plan some meaningful family or kid travel?

Find good sports or fitness programs for them each week?

Help them plan and make healthy meals if home?

Set school or health or athletic goals and steps towards achieving them?

Find out which friends or relatives are in town when so they can socialize?

The OP wrote that he makes 4 to 5 times what his DW does. My DW would be more than happy to take care of every one of the items on this poster's list (and more) if I made 5 times what she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What did you do or help do? For eg:

Select and sign up for sleep away or day camps?

Pick some good summer school programs?

Plan some meaningful family or kid travel?

Find good sports or fitness programs for them each week?

Help them plan and make healthy meals if home?

Set school or health or athletic goals and steps towards achieving them?

Find out which friends or relatives are in town when so they can socialize?

The OP wrote that he makes 4 to 5 times what his DW does. My DW would be more than happy to take care of every one of the items on this poster's list (and more) if I made 5 times what she does.

I’d be happy to do all that as a SAHM, but if I’m working FT my spouse can expect to do his fair share regardless of how much he makes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is mad that the kid is wasting time at home sitting around. How about camp?

Disagree. I think she is just mad she is not a SAHM and summer is the only time she can argue the value in that with a straight face.

If she makes less than 20% of their HHI and she wants to be a SAHM, then they should talk about it.

I have offered, we could afford it. But we can't afford it and the beach house, and the boat and the nice vacations etc.

So she makes less than 20% of your HHI, yet her working is the only way to afford a beach house, boat, and nice vacations?? How much do you make? This doesn’t compute.

This— the math doesn’t work here that only 1/5 of your income is a second home, boat, vacations etc. If you’re going to troll do the math first.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't one of you make summer plans for your kid? I make at least as much as my ex and I'm the one who makes the plans. It's just part of parenting, and I'm a better planner. In your wife's case, especially if one is not the primary breadwinner, perhaps she should have taken an hour or two out of her schedule to plan something.

I see a lot of entitled wives out there who don't seem to realize that their life would be much harder if the same salaries had to support two households.

[Anonymous]

Math isn’t mathing.
Your wife can’t afford to stay home. She’s pissed.
You will continue to hear her disappointment until she’s able to or you two divorce.


May want to have a convo w her on well the marh and finances.

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Math ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women who grew up UMC end up angry if they have to continue working. There eventually ends up being some resentment. Some women here will chime in that they love their job and absolutely would do it over staying at home and enjoying life, but they are either outliers or in denial.

Really it’s the system that we are angry about. Needing and expecting to work but not having an equal partner at home.

I grew up UMC and not a single person I grew up with is a SAHM. No one's angry about working, that's why we worked so hard in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women who grew up UMC end up angry if they have to continue working. There eventually ends up being some resentment. Some women here will chime in that they love their job and absolutely would do it over staying at home and enjoying life, but they are either outliers or in denial.

Really it’s the system that we are angry about. Needing and expecting to work but not having an equal partner at home.

I grew up UMC and not a single person I grew up with is a SAHM. No one's angry about working, that's why we worked so hard in school.

Being a SAHM is generally like hunting or horse races… the upper class does it and the lower class does it but those in the middle are repulsed by it.