My Son Told Us He's Proposing

[Anonymous]

Its a red flag that you are livid. Learn to give grace and control your emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. there's most likely more to the story than your son has shared with you.

2. not all artists are flaky your son has chosen a flake or he's not being completely honest about the ring situation.

3. what your son's soon to be mil does is not your concern.

4. it's a red flag that mil is doing all this it's also a red flag that your son is running to you with this.

5. myob

This^. Your son shouldn't have told you and you shouldn't have gotten all riled up about it. You are over involved in his life and will cause more trouble for the couple than his MIL's extra enthusiasm.

[Anonymous]

This is one reason why you "don't ask the parents first" in this day and age. It's best to ask your actual girlfriend first.

[Anonymous]

So... both of you are making your son's proposal to his girlfriend about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are nuts, it doesn’t sound like the future mil told the future ride-she probably told the girls aunts or something. Genuinely-who cares? You sound like a mother of the groom-zilla.

This^. Don't make it his MIL vs her MIL. That's worse than inconsequential people knowing couple is serious and planning to marry. Why do you care so much about it? Anything in your own history triggering it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.

Why? How are you involved in all of this? The wedding will be entirely focussed on the Bride and her family. Learn to stay in your boundaries.

What couple needs is you and her mom on same side, adding to their happiness instead of adding bitterness by picking on each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Livid? Who cares, really. Focus on the joy.

+1

You and her mom are the two people in the world who love this couple the most. You'll not do them a favor by alienating them from the other. Try putting common sense above insignificant matters.

[Anonymous]

Proposal should be less about surprising her and more towards making her happy, which includes respecting her loved ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a request for permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.

Artists are not all flakey. That would be like saying all 25 to 26 yo old men are incels who listen to Andrew Tate.

[Anonymous]

Being conservative catholics, my DH's family have a lot of judgment about "shacking up". If my daughters were nearly engaged, announcing it to rid of the chatter would be such a relief and my daughters or their BFs couldn't care less if I would or wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be the non-demanding, unruffled, easy-going party. You can be a listening ear but don’t become another person whose feelings they feel like they have to manage. This is both what’s best for them and what’s best for you. You’ve got decades ahead of you. Play the long game.

Agreed. OP should be telling her son that its no big deal and he would rather have ILs who are excited about this relationship than ones who aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your son to start as he means to go on -- set boundaries from the get go!

He needs to set boundaries with his mother first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any post on DCUM that complains about an ahole mother is going to have vicious retorts from ahole mothers.

This a clear Pobody’s Nerfect situation. I hope everyone involved can introspect and find grace.

Only there are two ahole mithers, one didn't consider secrecy, other who wants to inject bitterness in couple's lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you want to help your son navigate a new situation for him - how to manage his ILs - in a way that will be constructive and help increase his chances of having a happy and long marriage or do you want to create drama? This isn’t about you so it isn’t worth getting “livid” or injecting your emotion into the situation. If you want to give your son advice just tell him that this is a valuable lesson, he should be more prudent about what he shares w his ILs in the future and when but he should also give them some grace. Perhaps they were just over excited and weren’t thoughtful about sharing their joy. See? It’s not so hard.

I assumed that OP would already know and do exactly what you said, because she didn't ask for advice, it was just a vent.

and that's the issue because it's not something OP needs to vent about. this is not something that should be impacting her emotionally at all or frankly that she should even know about. This thread reeks of emmeshment and #boymom

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are so good together. It's been 2 years. They are 25 and 26. Soft and kind and respectful and passionate. I'm biased (a bit) but I think they will have a lovely marriage.

He asked her parents first. It was more an act of respect than it was a requefine.
r permission. They very happily gave their blessing.

And then the mom started demanding to know when the proposal was coming. My son was having the ring custom made and artists are flakey so it could be a month.

His future MIL has told pretty much all the family and I'm stunned the bride to be doesnt know yet.

I am livid.

The future MIL is a huge red flag.
If you love your son, you should warn him about marrying into this family. You should even do everything in your power to stop that marriage.
You have an obligation to protect your son.

So the son is dealing with some minor in law drama so let's escalate significantly it by trying to stop him from getting married.

I mean that's throwing gasoline on a fire. Definitely not going to end well for OP if they tried that.

PO was using sarcasm to highlight the real issue.