Wife's refusal to treat her OCD is getting in the way of our marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

We're not planning on having kids now but definitely in the near future. I'm fine with procreating with her, her OCD is an isolated/rare case in both our families. Besides this she's a great wife in every other way.

Then why did you bother to post here? Good luck with that, your wife won't change, having kids will make it worse, and then you'll have kids who have her tendencies. Enjoy.

Yes OMG you might end up with kids who are picky eaters or who don’t clean their rooms!! The sky is FALLING!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

Be real careful where you set this bar, PP. Literally everyone has something. There are no psychologically healthy people in the US. It's not possible. There are some who can mask, and do (for years), but that often cracks. Some of the biggest problems are people who think they don't have any...

Your comment sounds an awful lot like eugenics, and is ableist on its face.

Ok, cool. We'll I'm married with kids and I set my bar high. I also wouldn't be with someone who refused treatment. You can do what you want to do.

Your spouse must have been REALLY desperate because their bar was clearly on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The examples that OP provided don't sound like enough to justify an OCD diagnosis, but maybe there is more.

OP, instead of trying to control your wife and get your way, seek a compromise. For example, ask her if she can consolidate to one room. Ask if she can upload any of it to the cloud. Consider renting a storage space for her if it bothers you that she stores her old files. You're going to have recurring problems beyond your present issue, and you need a conflict resolution system in place that works.

My husband is somewhat like your wife - very Type A and wants to control the organization and decor of the house. I pick my battles. We eventually settled on a home with two home offices, and he keeps all his files and memorabilia in his office (and I let him have the bigger one). He is aware of his nature and tries. And I appreciate all the good qualities that he brings to the relationship, such as being highly organized, reliable, and helpful with domestic tasks and the kids.

I doubt this is an issue you want to consider divorcing over, because the next person you find is going to bring another set of issues, and you'll still have to learn how to communicate and manage conflict.

Are you a licensed psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

Be real careful where you set this bar, PP. Literally everyone has something. There are no psychologically healthy people in the US. It's not possible. There are some who can mask, and do (for years), but that often cracks. Some of the biggest problems are people who think they don't have any...

Your comment sounds an awful lot like eugenics, and is ableist on its face.

Ok, cool. We'll I'm married with kids and I set my bar high. I also wouldn't be with someone who refused treatment. You can do what you want to do.

Your spouse must have been REALLY desperate because their bar was clearly on the floor.

Ha, ok. Neither my spouse nor I am perfect but we’re able to acknowledge our issues and work on them, whether that’s therapy, medication, or something else. If you think it’s a ridiculously high standard to not want to be with someone who won’t address their problems, then ok. And if it makes you feel better to say that I must be a trash person because you disagree with me, then ok. I hope that makes you feel good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

Be real careful where you set this bar, PP. Literally everyone has something. There are no psychologically healthy people in the US. It's not possible. There are some who can mask, and do (for years), but that often cracks. Some of the biggest problems are people who think they don't have any...

Your comment sounds an awful lot like eugenics, and is ableist on its face.

Ok, cool. We'll I'm married with kids and I set my bar high. I also wouldn't be with someone who refused treatment. You can do what you want to do.

Your spouse must have been REALLY desperate because their bar was clearly on the floor.

Ha, ok. Neither my spouse nor I am perfect but we’re able to acknowledge our issues and work on them, whether that’s therapy, medication, or something else. If you think it’s a ridiculously high standard to not want to be with someone who won’t address their problems, then ok. And if it makes you feel better to say that I must be a trash person because you disagree with me, then ok. I hope that makes you feel good.

I don’t feel better knowing that there are eugenicists like you out there in the world, actually. There are at least two people responding to you, btw.

But maybe stop spending time acknowledging your partner’s issues (I’m sure you’re really great at that - most narcissists are) and get some therapy for yourself. I don’t think there are meds that will help with your particular cocktail of dysfunction, but if you really put effort into at least outwardly pretending not to be an awful person it will be beneficial for your kids in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

Be real careful where you set this bar, PP. Literally everyone has something. There are no psychologically healthy people in the US. It's not possible. There are some who can mask, and do (for years), but that often cracks. Some of the biggest problems are people who think they don't have any...

Your comment sounds an awful lot like eugenics, and is ableist on its face.

Ok, cool. We'll I'm married with kids and I set my bar high. I also wouldn't be with someone who refused treatment. You can do what you want to do.

Your spouse must have been REALLY desperate because their bar was clearly on the floor.

Ha, ok. Neither my spouse nor I am perfect but we’re able to acknowledge our issues and work on them, whether that’s therapy, medication, or something else. If you think it’s a ridiculously high standard to not want to be with someone who won’t address their problems, then ok. And if it makes you feel better to say that I must be a trash person because you disagree with me, then ok. I hope that makes you feel good.

I don’t feel better knowing that there are eugenicists like you out there in the world, actually. There are at least two people responding to you, btw.

But maybe stop spending time acknowledging your partner’s issues (I’m sure you’re really great at that - most narcissists are) and get some therapy for yourself. I don’t think there are meds that will help with your particular cocktail of dysfunction, but if you really put effort into at least outwardly pretending not to be an awful person it will be beneficial for your kids in the long run.

I truly help you find help.