Wife's refusal to treat her OCD is getting in the way of our marriage

[Anonymous]

So she keeps too many papers and buys specific drinks? That’s it?

Honestly, if you’re this upset about what sounds like completely innocuous (if minorly annoying) behavior, maybe set an example and start the family mental health intervention by working on your controlling tendencies.

Oh, and you do know that you can buy whatever drinks you like, whenever you like, don’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

You do sound like you love her and there is hope. Be supportive and figure it out together. She should try a psychiatrist to see if medication can help and also ask for recommendations for a good therapist. Only 25% therapists are worth your time and money, rest are a waste.

[Anonymous]

Encourage more socializing, good friends can be a healthy influence in life.

[Anonymous]

There are

[Anonymous]

Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't get treatment you're moving out. She has a month to get an appointment and has to stick with it for at least a year once she starts.

Bad advice. Don't give her any ultimatums if she does not have any other support system.

[Anonymous]

I don't see much to keep you in this marriage. Do you want to have kids? Does she want to have kids? Her mental health issues are highly inheritable. Do yourself a favor. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

If she truly has OCD, accommodating her OCD behaviors is NOT helpful — it only grows the OCD.

See this link about it from the International OCD Foundation which includes suggestions about what to do when family members refuse treatment:

https://iocdf.org/families/

Educate yourself as much as you can about OCD (using evidenced-based sources such as IOCDF). OCD treatment is not your standard CBT (which can exacerbate OCD) so your wife will need to find someone trained in evidence-based treatments such as exposure and response prevention (ERP). There are tons of resources on the IOCDF website and on their YouTube channel.

Also, there is a 2024 book titled “When a Loved One Won’t Seek Mental Health Treatment: How to Promote Recovery and Reclaim Your Family’s Well-Being.”

One of the authors is Dr. C. Alec Pollard — a renowned licensed psychologist who works with OCD and anxiety-related disorders with an interest in obstacles that inhibit or interfere with effective participation in treatment/recovery.

Finally, hoarding behaviors are closely linked to OCD. IOCDF has a lot of info about hoarding if you search on their website.

There is hope for you both to live a better life if your wife willingly participates in treatment.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

OCD rage attacks are common. Please educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

Right? None of this sounds like OCD. I can’t figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

We're not planning on having kids now but definitely in the near future. I'm fine with procreating with her, her OCD is an isolated/rare case in both our families. Besides this she's a great wife in every other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

Right? None of this sounds like OCD. I can’t figure it out.

It sounds like OCD to me. What makes you think otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

Right? None of this sounds like OCD. I can’t figure it out.

It sounds like OCD to me. What makes you think otherwise?

Well, I guess the compulsion is hoarding, but what’s the obsession?
And why are they fighting all of the time?
I don’t have a great idea of what’s going on, but I don’t immediately think “OCD”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Violence isn't a symptom of OCD.

Right? None of this sounds like OCD. I can’t figure it out.

It sounds like OCD to me. What makes you think otherwise?

Well, I guess the compulsion is hoarding, but what’s the obsession?
And why are they fighting all of the time?
I don’t have a great idea of what’s going on, but I don’t immediately think “OCD”

He said she has a diagnosis.