Wife's refusal to treat her OCD is getting in the way of our marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

Okay, so what's your point? You don't know the full context and the few things that stuck out to him that he mentioned don't tell the full story. Storing old papers from high school and all types of documents that take up multiple rooms is definitely abnormal hoarding. He most likely is not throwing things out but just rearranging things differently makes her uncomfortable which is unhealthy. Destroying and breaking objects is dangerous. She literally has a diagnosis that explains these behaviors which she needs treatment for so not sure how I'm a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

Okay, so what's your point? You don't know the full context and the few things that stuck out to him that he mentioned don't tell the full story. Storing old papers from high school and all types of documents that take up multiple rooms is definitely abnormal hoarding. He most likely is not throwing things out but just rearranging things differently makes her uncomfortable which is unhealthy. Destroying and breaking objects is dangerous. She literally has a diagnosis that explains these behaviors which she needs treatment for so not sure how I'm a liar.

Diagnosis =/= needs treatment.

Not sure why that’s so difficult for you to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

Okay, so what's your point? You don't know the full context and the few things that stuck out to him that he mentioned don't tell the full story. Storing old papers from high school and all types of documents that take up multiple rooms is definitely abnormal hoarding. He most likely is not throwing things out but just rearranging things differently makes her uncomfortable which is unhealthy. Destroying and breaking objects is dangerous. She literally has a diagnosis that explains these behaviors which she needs treatment for so not sure how I'm a liar.

Diagnosis =/= needs treatment.

Not sure why that’s so difficult for you to understand.

Obviously, she does cause it makes her relationships difficult. The virtue signalling needs to stop, you're only doing people a disservice with bad advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

We're not planning on having kids now but definitely in the near future. I'm fine with procreating with her, her OCD is an isolated/rare case in both our families. Besides this she's a great wife in every other way.

With all due respect, anyone breaking stuff in fits of rage is a category-killer. There is no “great” anyone in any category who also does that. Get it together. Do not have kids while this is ongoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

Okay, so what's your point? You don't know the full context and the few things that stuck out to him that he mentioned don't tell the full story. Storing old papers from high school and all types of documents that take up multiple rooms is definitely abnormal hoarding. He most likely is not throwing things out but just rearranging things differently makes her uncomfortable which is unhealthy. Destroying and breaking objects is dangerous. She literally has a diagnosis that explains these behaviors which she needs treatment for so not sure how I'm a liar.

Diagnosis =/= needs treatment.

Not sure why that’s so difficult for you to understand.

Obviously, she does cause it makes her relationships difficult. The virtue signalling needs to stop, you're only doing people a disservice with bad advice.

Obviously OP is making his relationship difficult. Maybe he should seek treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of you guys are acting super harsh towards someone who wants to help their spouse. OCD does not prevent you from having children and is not "mentally ill". A whole lot of ableism on here.

OP doesn’t want to help his spouse, though. He wants her to change her behavior so that it no longer annoys him.

Hoarding, preventing him from tidying up, reckless violence, and anger issues, which he says is just SOME of the behavior she exhibits isn't only mildly annoying to him but very dangerous for herself.

You either lack reading comprehension or you’re an insufferable liar. Not wanting to throw out all of her possessions that OP has decided she doesn’t need isn’t hoarding. Not wanting OP to throw out her stuff behind her back isn’t preventing him from tidying up. And her anger issues clearly stem from being nagged and criticized constantly. That would make anyone mad. Nothing OP listed is dangerous for anyone involved, get a freaking grip.

You can call slamming doors violence if you want to, it certainly fits your penchant for hyperbole.

Okay, so what's your point? You don't know the full context and the few things that stuck out to him that he mentioned don't tell the full story. Storing old papers from high school and all types of documents that take up multiple rooms is definitely abnormal hoarding. He most likely is not throwing things out but just rearranging things differently makes her uncomfortable which is unhealthy. Destroying and breaking objects is dangerous. She literally has a diagnosis that explains these behaviors which she needs treatment for so not sure how I'm a liar.

Diagnosis =/= needs treatment.

Not sure why that’s so difficult for you to understand.

Obviously, she does cause it makes her relationships difficult. The virtue signalling needs to stop, you're only doing people a disservice with bad advice.

Obviously OP is making his relationship difficult. Maybe he should seek treatment.

How many of y’all are living with people who repeatedly break things when they get angry? Real talk. This never occurs in my house. Is this normal behavior to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't get treatment you're moving out. She has a month to get an appointment and has to stick with it for at least a year once she starts.

This.
Do this…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't get treatment you're moving out. She has a month to get an appointment and has to stick with it for at least a year once she starts.

This.
Do this…..

That's one thing I told her already before, but she will not listen to any ultimatum like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't get treatment you're moving out. She has a month to get an appointment and has to stick with it for at least a year once she starts.

This.
Do this…..

That's one thing I told her already before, but she will not listen to any ultimatum like that.

So divorce her you doofus. She doesn’t want to acquiesce to your demands, so just move on and stop trying to control her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She seems to have on and off periods and it's really tiring having to deal with it. We have two entire rooms full of her papers from 9th grade through college and all types of other possessions that she does not need anymore. She does not like me rearranging/fixing anything in the house in case I might throw away something she still needs. She fixates on specific drinks and stocks the fridge up with that one drink for months and does not buy any other. She knows these are things she needs to get treatment for but she doesn't want too. We've had many arguments about this and she just gets angry really fast about everything on a day to day basis (throwing things at walls, damaging doors). It's truly ruining our marriage. I love her and see a future for us but not sure what to do next.

This does not sound like OCD to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her if she doesn't get treatment you're moving out. She has a month to get an appointment and has to stick with it for at least a year once she starts.

This.
Do this…..

That's one thing I told her already before, but she will not listen to any ultimatum like that.

So divorce her you doofus. She doesn’t want to acquiesce to your demands, so just move on and stop trying to control her.

OR...

Maybe just stop trying to control her and learn to control your stupid self. Because that's the problem that's yours to solve.

[Anonymous]

The examples that OP provided don't sound like enough to justify an OCD diagnosis, but maybe there is more.

OP, instead of trying to control your wife and get your way, seek a compromise. For example, ask her if she can consolidate to one room. Ask if she can upload any of it to the cloud. Consider renting a storage space for her if it bothers you that she stores her old files. You're going to have recurring problems beyond your present issue, and you need a conflict resolution system in place that works.

My husband is somewhat like your wife - very Type A and wants to control the organization and decor of the house. I pick my battles. We eventually settled on a home with two home offices, and he keeps all his files and memorabilia in his office (and I let him have the bigger one). He is aware of his nature and tries. And I appreciate all the good qualities that he brings to the relationship, such as being highly organized, reliable, and helpful with domestic tasks and the kids.

I doubt this is an issue you want to consider divorcing over, because the next person you find is going to bring another set of issues, and you'll still have to learn how to communicate and manage conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

We're not planning on having kids now but definitely in the near future. I'm fine with procreating with her, her OCD is an isolated/rare case in both our families. Besides this she's a great wife in every other way.

Then why did you bother to post here? Good luck with that, your wife won't change, having kids will make it worse, and then you'll have kids who have her tendencies. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, She does hoard but both rooms are both very neat. She had a bad experience with a therapist prior, so that is why she does not want to get any treatment. She has never been violent towards me but has been against property. We don't have any children. Her family would really shame her and think she was crazy so they don't know about her diagnosis.

Do you want kids? I would not have children with someone who refuses to be treated, so if she wants them, then that's the deal, otherwise you leave. Also, consider if you really want to procreate with those genes. I'm not trying to be rude, but ask anyone who has kids with ADHD, OCD, OPP, etc.

Be real careful where you set this bar, PP. Literally everyone has something. There are no psychologically healthy people in the US. It's not possible. There are some who can mask, and do (for years), but that often cracks. Some of the biggest problems are people who think they don't have any...

Your comment sounds an awful lot like eugenics, and is ableist on its face.

Ok, cool. We'll I'm married with kids and I set my bar high. I also wouldn't be with someone who refused treatment. You can do what you want to do.