Boyfriend insulted me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford a steak you probably can’t afford to live with him.

You should break up. You are not compatible.

I don’t think he has done anything wrong but you are resentful and see him as insulting and there is too much financial disparity and stress.

I can afford a nice restaurant but not all of the time. He drops 100+ on dinner multiple times a week. I make decent money but he makes a lot more than I do.

It sounds like he makes at least 10x than you, correct?

Then WHY on earth would you agree to pay 40%?! You should pay proportional to your incomes, so he'd be paying 90+%.

Extremely stupid to pay 40% of his mortgage. He is using you. Remember, his house is an investment and he will get that money back plus more in 20-30 years when he sells. Is he going to give you your 40% back then? No.

And what happens if you get married? Will he be willing to give you ownership of the house? My guess is probably not.

Plus, if he's like most men, you'll be doing most of the cooking and cleaning. So he gets someone to pay his mortgage and a free maid & personal chef.

When I moved in with BFs in my 20s, I never paid a dime of rent or mortgage. Terrible, terrible idea.

Most of us have moved past your very antiquated and traditional view and see women as capable and competent adults who can be equal partners. The idea that women shouldn't contribute financially is no different from saying men shouldn't cotribtue at all domestically. Your view that women need a man to look after them as they are more like a child and he needs to provide and protect while they cook and clean is not shared by most women anymore. You are thankfully becoming a minority viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

OP, when a man truly loves a woman, he will gladly pay her share of everything. Especially if he makes much more than her. Your BF is using you and making you feel like crap about your low income. This is unkind behavior. Do you really want to move in with someone like that?

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to a lawyer about this set up? Are you going to be on the deed? I would not want to pay 40% of someone else’s mortgage. I don’t believe in living rent free, but that seems like A LOT to pay for your bfs house. Idk the ins and outs of the implications here, which is why I think you should chat with a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford a steak you probably can’t afford to live with him.

You should break up. You are not compatible.

I don’t think he has done anything wrong but you are resentful and see him as insulting and there is too much financial disparity and stress.

I can afford a nice restaurant but not all of the time. He drops 100+ on dinner multiple times a week. I make decent money but he makes a lot more than I do.

It sounds like he makes at least 10x than you, correct?

Then WHY on earth would you agree to pay 40%?! You should pay proportional to your incomes, so he'd be paying 90+%.

Extremely stupid to pay 40% of his mortgage. He is using you. Remember, his house is an investment and he will get that money back plus more in 20-30 years when he sells. Is he going to give you your 40% back then? No.

And what happens if you get married? Will he be willing to give you ownership of the house? My guess is probably not.

Plus, if he's like most men, you'll be doing most of the cooking and cleaning. So he gets someone to pay his mortgage and a free maid & personal chef.

When I moved in with BFs in my 20s, I never paid a dime of rent or mortgage. Terrible, terrible idea.

Most of us have moved past your very antiquated and traditional view and see women as capable and competent adults who can be equal partners. The idea that women shouldn't contribute financially is no different from saying men shouldn't cotribtue at all domestically. Your view that women need a man to look after them as they are more like a child and he needs to provide and protect while they cook and clean is not shared by most women anymore. You are thankfully becoming a minority viewpoint.

It looks like pp is actually advocating for proportional splitting, which is the equitable way of paying for things either way such a high income disparity. If he makes 500k and she makes 50k, she should be contributing proportional to her income, ie 90/10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when a man truly loves a woman, he will gladly pay her share of everything. Especially if he makes much more than her. Your BF is using you and making you feel like crap about your low income. This is unkind behavior. Do you really want to move in with someone like that?

Do people not read?! He TRIED to pay for everything and OP took that as him insulting her. She's the one insisting on paying. He paid for their expensive vacation and she took that as him insulting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed a budget of what is affordable for each of you? I mean, it is reasonable to choose a place you can both afford. I am not sure that is an insult versus a practical reality.
Did you feel you could afford that place?

This isn’t the only time he has put down how much money I make. He has done this dinners and vacations.

Our plan was for him to buy and we split 60/40. He said I can’t afford the 40.

Is that accurate?

[Anonymous]

Ok so you make 60, he 300. This would make the equitable split 20/80.

That said, it’s a huge red flag when he constantly insults you and then says it’s just a joke. It’s not just a joke, it’s how he actually feels. It sounds like thinks of you like a leech, which is actually so unattractive. He pays for you, but throws it in your face. Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so you make 60, he 300. This would make the equitable split 20/80.

That said, it’s a huge red flag when he constantly insults you and then says it’s just a joke. It’s not just a joke, it’s how he actually feels. It sounds like thinks of you like a leech, which is actually so unattractive. He pays for you, but throws it in your face. Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life?

Does he actually throw it in her face? So far all OP has said is that he pays for an expensive vacation that he wants to go on and says he will pay for it all because he knows OP can't afford it. I see nothing wrong with that. He also said no to a house saying OP couldn't afford it. OP hasn't given any actual examples of him being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when a man truly loves a woman, he will gladly pay her share of everything. Especially if he makes much more than her. Your BF is using you and making you feel like crap about your low income. This is unkind behavior. Do you really want to move in with someone like that?

And if a woman really loves a man, she will do all the cooking and cleaning and childcare and keep herself looking pretty every day. Otherwise she is unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend badly insulted me and tried to play it off as a joke. He is in the process of house hunting. I will be moving in and we will be splitting costs. He really liked one place but crossed it off of his list. When I asked why, he told me I can’t afford it. This isn’t the first time he has put my job down. I feel very hurt. He is now claiming it’s a joke and he crossed it off the list for other reasons. I am seriously considering ending my relationship.

He says hurtful things and then says it was a joke. Why do you want to move in with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford a steak you probably can’t afford to live with him.

You should break up. You are not compatible.

I don’t think he has done anything wrong but you are resentful and see him as insulting and there is too much financial disparity and stress.

I can afford a nice restaurant but not all of the time. He drops 100+ on dinner multiple times a week. I make decent money but he makes a lot more than I do.

It sounds like he makes at least 10x than you, correct?

Then WHY on earth would you agree to pay 40%?! You should pay proportional to your incomes, so he'd be paying 90+%.

Extremely stupid to pay 40% of his mortgage. He is using you. Remember, his house is an investment and he will get that money back plus more in 20-30 years when he sells. Is he going to give you your 40% back then? No.

And what happens if you get married? Will he be willing to give you ownership of the house? My guess is probably not.

Plus, if he's like most men, you'll be doing most of the cooking and cleaning. So he gets someone to pay his mortgage and a free maid & personal chef.

When I moved in with BFs in my 20s, I never paid a dime of rent or mortgage. Terrible, terrible idea.

Most of us have moved past your very antiquated and traditional view and see women as capable and competent adults who can be equal partners. The idea that women shouldn't contribute financially is no different from saying men shouldn't cotribtue at all domestically. Your view that women need a man to look after them as they are more like a child and he needs to provide and protect while they cook and clean is not shared by most women anymore. You are thankfully becoming a minority viewpoint.

It looks like pp is actually advocating for proportional splitting, which is the equitable way of paying for things either way such a high income disparity. If he makes 500k and she makes 50k, she should be contributing proportional to her income, ie 90/10.

Proportional splitting is only ever suggested when men are the higher earners. It is the same view and why she mentions that she never had to pay a dime as she lived entirely off her boyfriends. If a woman posts saying her boyfriend of a year has a low income and is moving in, no one says, you need to take on almost all expenses or else you are a jerk and an unkind person. You really think comments will say he shouldn't have to pay for anything if she is a decent person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford a steak you probably can’t afford to live with him.

You should break up. You are not compatible.

I don’t think he has done anything wrong but you are resentful and see him as insulting and there is too much financial disparity and stress.

I can afford a nice restaurant but not all of the time. He drops 100+ on dinner multiple times a week. I make decent money but he makes a lot more than I do.

It sounds like he makes at least 10x than you, correct?

Then WHY on earth would you agree to pay 40%?! You should pay proportional to your incomes, so he'd be paying 90+%.

Extremely stupid to pay 40% of his mortgage. He is using you. Remember, his house is an investment and he will get that money back plus more in 20-30 years when he sells. Is he going to give you your 40% back then? No.

And what happens if you get married? Will he be willing to give you ownership of the house? My guess is probably not.

Plus, if he's like most men, you'll be doing most of the cooking and cleaning. So he gets someone to pay his mortgage and a free maid & personal chef.

When I moved in with BFs in my 20s, I never paid a dime of rent or mortgage. Terrible, terrible idea.

Most of us have moved past your very antiquated and traditional view and see women as capable and competent adults who can be equal partners. The idea that women shouldn't contribute financially is no different from saying men shouldn't cotribtue at all domestically. Your view that women need a man to look after them as they are more like a child and he needs to provide and protect while they cook and clean is not shared by most women anymore. You are thankfully becoming a minority viewpoint.

Reading comprehension is key. That's not at all what I said.

I said they should pay proportional to income, which is what modern couples do. Their income split is not 60/40 so OP should not be paying 40%.

I also said "if he's like most men, you'll be doing the cooking and cleaning", meaning that most men, once a woman moves in, stops doing those things. And he probably is like that, given how rude he is to OP. Why should he get someone else to pay his mortgage AND expect her to be his maid?

I also pointed out that she needs to consider ownership of the house if they get married. Because if it's purchased prior to marriage in his name, and they later get married, it doesn't matter that she paid 40% or lived in it, it is still considered his property.

I am advocating for OP to do what is it her best interest.

[Anonymous]

Why TF would you go in on a mortgage together with this dude? Bad idea. Very bad idea. You’ll be stuck for a loooong time or ruin yourself financially. Don’t do it. He doesn’t respect you.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for living together, but don't buy a house together yet. Very to unwind later.

[Anonymous]

LMAO… Op is complaining that the guy she is fornicating with is not respecting her! Folks we need to stop treating an adulterous relationship like a legitimate married relationship.