Boyfriend insulted me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is red flag behavior. If you marry, I can see him nickel and diming you on how much you spend, insisting you work even if you might want to take time off from your career to be with your children when they’re young, etc. I predict he’ll ask for a pre-nup if you get engaged.

I get the sense he’s from a modest background because people who grew up with money don’t act this way. It’s trashy.

What is your job? I’m curious if he’s only disrespectful about the amount you make or if it’s also what you do.

I’m in a healthcare tech job. ECG monitor tech. I could make more money if I went back to school but I enjoy my job. I make $60k.

He’s a dentist and makes like $300k.

Did you go to college? How long have you been dating? Do you see a future with this guy?

We have been dating for 1 year. I did see a future. He’s very nice and I love him but treating me like I can’t afford anything hurts me.

[Anonymous]

so break up with him

[Anonymous]

He needs to break up with you. He's not insulting you by saying he should pay for a vacation that he wants to go on that you wouldn't be able to afford. That's considerate of him. He doesn't want you to spend money you don't have. But at the same time he shouldn't have to stay places that only you can afford. It's not insulting to cross houses off the list that you can't afford. Good God you sound so immature that I'm having a hard time believing this is a real post.

[Anonymous]

You should go back to college. You lack financial sense and critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is red flag behavior. If you marry, I can see him nickel and diming you on how much you spend, insisting you work even if you might want to take time off from your career to be with your children when they’re young, etc. I predict he’ll ask for a pre-nup if you get engaged.

I get the sense he’s from a modest background because people who grew up with money don’t act this way. It’s trashy.

What is your job? I’m curious if he’s only disrespectful about the amount you make or if it’s also what you do.

I’m in a healthcare tech job. ECG monitor tech. I could make more money if I went back to school but I enjoy my job. I make $60k.

He’s a dentist and makes like $300k.

Did you go to college? How long have you been dating? Do you see a future with this guy?

We have been dating for 1 year. I did see a future. He’s very nice and I love him but treating me like I can’t afford anything hurts me.

But you CANT afford the same stuff as him. He's being considerate not making you pay for things you can't afford. You make 60K a year. He shouldn't be making you spend $60 on a steak. Holy hell he needs to dump you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend badly insulted me and tried to play it off as a joke. He is in the process of house hunting. I will be moving in and we will be splitting costs. He really liked one place but crossed it off of his list. When I asked why, he told me I can’t afford it. This isn’t the first time he has put my job down. I feel very hurt. He is now claiming it’s a joke and he crossed it off the list for other reasons. I am seriously considering ending my relationship.

DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

Please break up with him. He deserves someone way better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend badly insulted me and tried to play it off as a joke. He is in the process of house hunting. I will be moving in and we will be splitting costs. He really liked one place but crossed it off of his list. When I asked why, he told me I can’t afford it. This isn’t the first time he has put my job down. I feel very hurt. He is now claiming it’s a joke and he crossed it off the list for other reasons. I am seriously considering ending my relationship.

DTMFA.

He never actually insulted her. It's all in OPs head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.

He makes a lot more money than I do. He has thrown that in my face many times with little insults as jokes.

First time I told him I would treat for dinner but he wanted a fancy steak. He told me don’t worry and he would pay the cost because be knows I can’t afford expensive dinners.

We went on a vacation and he chose a very expensive package. He paid for me because he knew I couldn’t afford it.

He seems to like letting me know that I can’t afford things but he can.

Um, this is called being polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.

A. OP is a troll. I personally believe it is manosphere guy who likes to act like he thinks women behave. see all the MY Husband and My Boyfriend Posts."

B. Not a troll and OP is actually insecure about her income in relation to her boyfriend and the dynamics that sets for the relationship

I’m not a troll or insecure. I just don’t appreciate him making comments about how I can’t afford as much as him.

But that is a fact. That is your reality. You can’t afford as much as him. You have a huge financial gap in income. He can afford a lot more than you can. That has to be taken into account in decision making.

How long have you been dating?

This may be the reality but it sounds like the tone and the way he’s saying it is the problem. People are mindful about not doing this to people they care about. The 60/40 split is unfair and ridiculous considering he makes 5 times what you do. I can’t believe he suggested this, then makes comments about you not being able to afford things. I wonder if he would be like this if you had a law degree but worked as a public defender. I get the sense that there is some classism at work here, too.

[Anonymous]

1. I'm still waiting on the swear words he used, OP. You said he badly insulted you. Surely it wasn't just "you can't afford it", right?

2. People who plan on moving in together should be fine with a discrepancy in income, and should have already agreed on a budget and whether or not to share what costs. I don't understand how this did not happen here.

3. When I moved in with my boyfriend, he paid for everything. When we had a kid, we were very low on money, and my grad school stipend went directly to the daycare. But that was only because he was paying the rent, the food, the car, and everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.

He makes a lot more money than I do. He has thrown that in my face many times with little insults as jokes.

First time I told him I would treat for dinner but he wanted a fancy steak. He told me don’t worry and he would pay the cost because be knows I can’t afford expensive dinners.

We went on a vacation and he chose a very expensive package. He paid for me because he knew I couldn’t afford it.

He seems to like letting me know that I can’t afford things but he can.

Um, this is called being polite.

No, this is rude. If he already knew she couldn’t afford it, he wouldn’t offer it up to begin with, or he would say it’s my treat, or I’ll get the hotel and airfare, why don’t you get the meals. You get my drift. He’s lording the salary difference over her in an insensitive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.

He makes a lot more money than I do. He has thrown that in my face many times with little insults as jokes.

First time I told him I would treat for dinner but he wanted a fancy steak. He told me don’t worry and he would pay the cost because be knows I can’t afford expensive dinners.

We went on a vacation and he chose a very expensive package. He paid for me because he knew I couldn’t afford it.

He seems to like letting me know that I can’t afford things but he can.

Um, this is called being polite.

No, this is rude. If he already knew she couldn’t afford it, he wouldn’t offer it up to begin with, or he would say it’s my treat, or I’ll get the hotel and airfare, why don’t you get the meals. You get my drift. He’s lording the salary difference over her in an insensitive way.

THAT'S WHAT HE'S SAYING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you were so badly insulted and why you are considering ending the relationship. I feel like I am missing something.

A. OP is a troll. I personally believe it is manosphere guy who likes to act like he thinks women behave. see all the MY Husband and My Boyfriend Posts."

B. Not a troll and OP is actually insecure about her income in relation to her boyfriend and the dynamics that sets for the relationship

I’m not a troll or insecure. I just don’t appreciate him making comments about how I can’t afford as much as him.

But that is a fact. That is your reality. You can’t afford as much as him. You have a huge financial gap in income. He can afford a lot more than you can. That has to be taken into account in decision making.

How long have you been dating?

This may be the reality but it sounds like the tone and the way he’s saying it is the problem. People are mindful about not doing this to people they care about. The 60/40 split is unfair and ridiculous considering he makes 5 times what you do. I can’t believe he suggested this, then makes comments about you not being able to afford things. I wonder if he would be like this if you had a law degree but worked as a public defender. I get the sense that there is some classism at work here, too.

Sounds like he offered to pay, and then she insisted she'd pay her way, so he relented to her idiotic demands.

[Anonymous]

I think his issue is that he's not tactful, more so than that he's insulting or disrespectful. I'm the PP with the DH who reminds me of OPs boyfriend. I was also uncomfortable with our income disparity and with him paying for so much. But he would explain why he would want to pay for those things. Why he wanted to pay for the vacations. It wasn't just a simple "well I can afford it, you can't". It was a "we both work so hard and I want to be able to go to X and do Y and Z with you. And I don't want you to stress about how much it will cost. I can afford it and I want to treat you. I want to enjoy this vacation with you, we both deserve it". And the first couple times I tried to kind of fight it, he very nicely found a way to say that part of it was because he wanted to go on nicer vacations that what I could afford. But the end message was always about it being something for us to experience together and about treating us.

I do think part of the issue is OPs insecurity (which I get) but I wonder if part of it is his tact too.