Boyfriend insulted me

[Anonymous]

Is it a fact that you cannot afford it? If so, this isn’t wrong.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why you are so insulted by this comment. It is kind of a joke because he obviously can’t afford the house on his own either so it is HE who cannot afford this house, not you, since it will be his house.

I would be more insulted about the set up of this home purchase. It doesn’t sound like you are moving towards engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, this is financial madness. You should pay proportional to your incomes and also set a budget that works with your income for things like groceries and going out so that if he wants higher priced lifestyle he has to pay for it.

The deal right now is that you are subsidizing his mortgage and equity while compromising your own ability to build wealth. For a guy you’ve been with for a year who seems to enjoy making you feel small.

Yes! Even w/o the rest, she’s setting herself up for a disadvantage for years to come. You’ll never be able to save if you’re stretched so thin to cover HIS bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you discussed a budget of what is affordable for each of you? I mean, it is reasonable to choose a place you can both afford. I am not sure that is an insult versus a practical reality.
Did you feel you could afford that place?

This isn’t the only time he has put down how much money I make. He has done this dinners and vacations.

Our plan was for him to buy and we split 60/40. He said I can’t afford the 40.

Why would you pay rent while he builds equity?

Everything about this guy makes him sound like a douche. Honestly think you can do better for yourself, just being alone would be preferable to someone who brings you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you splitting costs if he makes a lot more?

They are dating. Neither should be subsidizing the other.

I agree but in this situation it seems like he wants to buy a house but needs her rental payment to make the mortgage, so she's subsidizing him as well. They shouldn't be this financially enmeshed without being engaged at least.

[Anonymous]

He has a pattern of making you feel disrespected but you like that he makes a lot of money so you’ve been tolerating that behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused. I agree with those who say it doesn't sound as if the BF is insulting her; it sounds as if he is a bit tactless and she is expecting him to white lie. As I read it, he didn't voluntarily say I am passing on the house because you can't afford it. She asked him why, and he gave her a truthful answer. I don't get what the issue is. It sounds as if she is expeting him to white lie and/or thinks being truthful is insulting her.

That said, if he is buying the house and only HIS name is on the deed, there is NO way she should be paying ANYTHING towards the mortgage. So how much she can afford is wholly irrelevant. Paying anything towards the mortgage is ridiculous unless OP lives in a common law marriage state and then she'd have to live with him for a long time without marriage.

Right now, she's just a roommate legally. He can evict her. In some states, paying some sort of rent gives a roommate some legal rights, but OP won't have any more than a wholly platonic roommate who isn't sharing his bed.

Paying a percentage of the living expenses--food, cleaning, water, heat, phone, internet, etc. is a different matter. Yes, OP should pay a portion of those but NOT the mortgage.

How is this any different than renting? People are going insane in this thread by equating paying for a place to live (which we all have to do) as some kind of financial vampirism.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, run!