Want a divorce but can’t handle DS alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We have a full time nanny but she only works 9-5:30, Monday-Friday while DH and I are working.

We have respite care for 11 hours per week but they only show up about half of the time.

I know it seems like it should be enough and we have more support than other people but I don’t know what to say. We just can’t handle him.

Why isn't he in school? That would cover a big chunk of the day during the school year and may help you stretch childcare hours later into the evening.

Op Here. He is in Kindergarten. It’s a long story but the short version is that the nanny goes to school with him as like a private aide. In a public school. It’s complex and for a whole other thread. But we don’t really get the benefit of school in the sense that even when he’s in school he still requires continuous support (either from us because the school calls us repeatedly or from the nanny).

Op, as former teacher, you should not have to pay for an aid. The school should provide that. Is this a temporary situation? Is the school working to get him into a more restrictive placement? I’d not, I would hire a special needs advocate. You need to free up those resources, so you can hire a special needs certified nanny for the evenings.

If you haven’t talked to your school social worker one-on-one, please consider doing that. He or she might know of other resources that can help.

I am so sorry you’re going through this.

[Anonymous]

why do you want a divorce? What is happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your son is having this many difficulties at age 6, getting a more sustainable situation with his health condition has to happen. It doesn't sound like it's sustainable even for the 2 of you working together

This, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We have a full time nanny but she only works 9-5:30, Monday-Friday while DH and I are working.

We have respite care for 11 hours per week but they only show up about half of the time.

I know it seems like it should be enough and we have more support than other people but I don’t know what to say. We just can’t handle him.

Why isn't he in school? That would cover a big chunk of the day during the school year and may help you stretch childcare hours later into the evening.

Op Here. He is in Kindergarten. It’s a long story but the short version is that the nanny goes to school with him as like a private aide. In a public school. It’s complex and for a whole other thread. But we don’t really get the benefit of school in the sense that even when he’s in school he still requires continuous support (either from us because the school calls us repeatedly or from the nanny).

OP, you and your DS may need to speak with a lawyer or advocate. A public school shouldn't have you provide your own one-on-one.

Also, I am so sorry that you are going through this. As a SN mom, I can say that our family had a hard time navigating this age. I am sending you support!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your child medicated?

OP, this kid needs meds. No amount of therapy and 1:1 with the nanny will make things better without the meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your child medicated?

OP, this kid needs meds. No amount of therapy and 1:1 with the nanny will make things better without the meds.

What exactly tells you that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your child medicated?

OP, this kid needs meds. No amount of therapy and 1:1 with the nanny will make things better without the meds.

What exactly tells you that?

The behavior that you posted. You need a pediatric psychiatrist who will work with you on what meds are appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We have a full time nanny but she only works 9-5:30, Monday-Friday while DH and I are working.

We have respite care for 11 hours per week but they only show up about half of the time.

I know it seems like it should be enough and we have more support than other people but I don’t know what to say. We just can’t handle him.

Why isn't he in school? That would cover a big chunk of the day during the school year and may help you stretch childcare hours later into the evening.

Op Here. He is in Kindergarten. It’s a long story but the short version is that the nanny goes to school with him as like a private aide. In a public school. It’s complex and for a whole other thread. But we don’t really get the benefit of school in the sense that even when he’s in school he still requires continuous support (either from us because the school calls us repeatedly or from the nanny).

OP, you and your DS may need to speak with a lawyer or advocate. A public school shouldn't have you provide your own one-on-one.

Also, I am so sorry that you are going through this. As a SN mom, I can say that our family had a hard time navigating this age. I am sending you support!

Just here to echo others - a school who is permitting an aide paid by you to one on one your child all day is by definition in violation of IDEA federal statute and denying you a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). An educational advocate can help you understand what other educational programs would be appropriate in or outside of the school district. You may need a lawyer to make a claim for failure to provide FAPE which would push your school to provide the one on one service themselves.

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming their child is at private school which is why they are paying for the in school nanny support.

[Anonymous]

No real advice, just commiseration. My husband and I are in a very similar situation, except our son is a bit older. We haven’t figured it out yet (have tried everything - meds, endless therapies of all types, hiring help only for them to quit soon after, etc.). It really sucks and can feel so relentless and hopeless. Sending lots of love.