High stats kid with disappointing end results?

[Anonymous]

Young men and women have to understand that life brings disappointment. It’s really how you respond that defines character. True character is not shaped by Ivy infested brick and mortar. The college doesn’t define you. You really define the College.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, pretty much all the girls at our school (CT boarding school). Boys into every Ivy, MIT, Stanford, Chicago, etc. Girls left choosing between SLACs and publics.

Oh no! Not SLACs and publics! The horror!!!

[Anonymous]

Until medical school education or other subject matter expertise and practice grants one the benefit of taking a 8 years to get a typical 4- year degree or process and act fast to take life saving action. Not safe or practical. And costly for the student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

That's a tough lesson, and I could see teens falling into that trap. Why play by the rules when you don't get rewarded in the end?

There will always be someone who is gaining an "unfair advantage".

My college kid chose to take "Freshman Organic Chem" and place out of Chem 101/102 because it was allowed with a 5 on AP. What they didn't know is that puts them in class with other freshman who actually had already taken Organic Chemistry in HS (either in USA or internationally) but had to retake it to get credit (no AP Orgo available). Oh, and most of the kids in the direct admit to Med school (4+4) were in that class. So while Organic Chem typically has a low curve (40-50% is typical at many schools), the curve in this class was set at 86-88% for most midterms and final. My kid was happy to get a B/B+. As they had never had Organic Chem before. Had they waited and taken regular Orgo, they'd have easily gotten an A.
But you know what, it doesn't matter, they are an engineering major, not premed, so the grade doesn't matter, they learned the material did decent in class and are now in their more advanced more interesting Engineering courses

This is precisely why this thread is insufferable. Humblebrag. Who in the heck takes orgo when they are an engineering major? But you had to throw that out there— the inexperience, the tall hill to climb, and then the hero rescue. With the cherry on top—not even his much harder major.

It’s just hard to empathize when I come to this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh ... NYU is so many kids' dream school...
I can't read this kind of post.

Oh, please. It is like someone posting that their kid can’t break above a 1450 on the SAT and you having a kid who can’t get above a 1250 so you “can’t read that kind of post.” Different kids have different goals and hopes…a high stats kid who worked for years towards a goal as the right to feel disappointed when it didn’t pan out and a safety becomes the best of the not-hoped for options.

Then perhaps you as a parent (and family) need to rethink your goals. Common sense and data tell you there are way more "qualified applicants" than spots at T25 schools. Way way more. So ultimately, the vast majority are going to get Rejected. If your "really smart kid" cannot understand that going in, and recognize the goal of doing well isn't just "a prestigious school" but also to learn and to find your path in life, then you need to adjust. The 25-50 schools are FILLED with "t25 rejects", those kids excel and do great things in life. My kid is at one ranked ~40---every single one of their 20+ friends was WL or Spring admit (or fall admit sophomore year) at multiple T25 schools. Many at over 4-5 schools. Top students, great kids, doing great things at college and will continue after graduation. Why? Because they realize you don't always get what you want in life and you make the best of what you do get. And also, a school ranked 30-40 is still an amazing school that literally 95% of students who are not there would be thrilled to be capable of getting into.

People are not robots. These young people, and their parents, are allowed to experience emotions. You can realize that the stats and facts are true. You can be prepared to move on with the knowledge that life is what you make. You can be disappointed, even sad, while also doing/acknowledging all of the above.

Unrealistic expectations lead to these emotions. TBH, it’s not healthy.

It’s not healthy not to feel emotions. Better to dream and lose than never to dream at all. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

That's a tough lesson, and I could see teens falling into that trap. Why play by the rules when you don't get rewarded in the end?

Don't get my kid started on the "extra time" scam. (I am not saying there aren't kids who deserve extra time. DC has friends with legit extra time needs, and he respects it. He does not respect kids who openly discuss faking "test anxiety" to get a doctors note for extra time on the ACT or midterms.

Nobody deserves extra time. If you don't test well then go test optional.

Kids with ADHD and processing disorders _do_ need extra time. My kid has a 99%ile ability and 40%ile processing speed. DC can came up with answers to questions that other kids struggle with (even if those kids have unlimited time). I have other kids, and so I know this child isn’t faking it. There is an actual issue. If I were AO or employee, I would want to admit or hire my kid because this kid has real flashes of brilliance even if it takes him longer to get there.

And, yes, kids like mine get into a perfectly good colleges without cheating.

Oof, this sounds like my FIL who is one of the smartest, most intellectual and most educated person I know but could never get a decent job in academia or anywhere else due to his extremely slow processing. You also have to wait a long time when conversing. It's tough out there in the real world for these people. I hope dc chooses a career suitable for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

Well, let your son have some senioritis and start goofing off. Life is full of disappointments. Sorry to hear he has brought great shame to you and your family.

Maybe I missed it, but where did PP say anything like that? I appreciate they shared their story. People on DCUM are frustrating. Everyone is presenting themselves as perfect and tough and without dreams hopes or ambitions. We are talking about teenagers who work far harder than we ever did, and live in an incredibly competitive world due to social media. Give them a break, and be grateful people share their experiences instead of judging them for it.

[Anonymous]

Your kid probably has lots of company because the T-25 is a lottery for almost all. My high stats humanities kid didn’t get into any T-25’s last year, but had a some nice T-30 to T-75 options. Many colleges have a same trappings- nice buildings, green lawns, student centers, college town/college strip, libraries, labs, special programs. The name or brand alone doesn’t and shouldn’t define anyone’s college experiences. Attend the admitted student days, check out the surrounding area, get excited for what’s ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone with high stats kids, who didn't get where you thought they should?

White privilege comes with a sense of entitlement that high stats results in HYPSM admittance. But for equality the opposite must happen. In the cultural revolution, Mao sent the elite to farms, and look at where China is now. The faculty and administrators at Ivies understand this and have been working to redress these imbalances to free Palestine, vanquish Zionism and uplift historically under-performing groups. It is critical that federal funding for these universities continues so that everyone is equally able to own a Lada .

[Anonymous]

OMG, who is the poster above? What is this lada I want to own lol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

That's a tough lesson, and I could see teens falling into that trap. Why play by the rules when you don't get rewarded in the end?

Don't get my kid started on the "extra time" scam. (I am not saying there aren't kids who deserve extra time. DC has friends with legit extra time needs, and he respects it. He does not respect kids who openly discuss faking "test anxiety" to get a doctors note for extra time on the ACT or midterms.

Nobody deserves extra time. If you don't test well then go test optional.

It's not about "not testing well"; it's about having a disability that means you cannot show what you know due to the format of the test. The accommodation adapts the format to minimize the impact of a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone with high stats kids, who didn't get where you thought they should? Thought mine would land a few T25s, but didn't. She got into NYU, UMD and GWU, which are good choices but still feel a bit bummed.

Anyone experiencing this? How to get over it.

Look at the Harvard-Westlake Prep School placement report.

Even celebrities' kids and California geographic diversity kids have somewhat scattered success where you might expect better.

Google:

harvard westlake college guide 2025

I'm a graduate of 2 large flagships. Whatever your kid wants to do should be findable/workable at a large school. If your kid is introverted, they may have to be more deliberate about socializing.

"Somewhat scattered success"? They sent 14 kids to Harvard alone last year!

[Anonymous]

OP, applying as an electrical engineering major dialed up the degree of difficulty quite a bit, I would bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, pretty much all the girls at our school (CT boarding school). Boys into every Ivy, MIT, Stanford, Chicago, etc. Girls left choosing between SLACs and publics.

Oh no! Not SLACs and publics! The horror!!!

What did the girls do differently that resulted in the better options?

[Anonymous]

Oh right…your kid was denied because his classmates were dumb, but liars and cheaters, whose parents had $$ to burn by hiring someone to write their essay. Mmmkay.