High stats kid with disappointing end results?

[Anonymous]

Plenty of kids at T20s didn't get into NYU. Like mine in at WashU, rejected NYU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m convinced if schools went back to providing class rank to parents, there would be a lot less of such surprising results. The colleges still calculate for admission purposes.

Bigger issue is that there aren't enough top spots for top kids. Especially this year with the expanded birth rate and the emphasis on taking FGLI and rural kids. These colleges can't fill their classes with DMV high achievers.

Only partially. Grade inflation and superscoring disguise fact kids aren’t really in top 5 to 10 percent of their class,

[Anonymous]

My kid is high stat and waitlisted at Cornell and surprised. I'm actually very shocked they made it this far without being rejected since their stats are not 4.0 and 1600 SAT.

They have no expectations and have moved on to other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh ... NYU is so many kids' dream school...
I can't read this kind of post.

Oh, please. It is like someone posting that their kid can’t break above a 1450 on the SAT and you having a kid who can’t get above a 1250 so you “can’t read that kind of post.” Different kids have different goals and hopes…a high stats kid who worked for years towards a goal as the right to feel disappointed when it didn’t pan out and a safety becomes the best of the not-hoped for options.

Then perhaps you as a parent (and family) need to rethink your goals. Common sense and data tell you there are way more "qualified applicants" than spots at T25 schools. Way way more. So ultimately, the vast majority are going to get Rejected. If your "really smart kid" cannot understand that going in, and recognize the goal of doing well isn't just "a prestigious school" but also to learn and to find your path in life, then you need to adjust. The 25-50 schools are FILLED with "t25 rejects", those kids excel and do great things in life. My kid is at one ranked ~40---every single one of their 20+ friends was WL or Spring admit (or fall admit sophomore year) at multiple T25 schools. Many at over 4-5 schools. Top students, great kids, doing great things at college and will continue after graduation. Why? Because they realize you don't always get what you want in life and you make the best of what you do get. And also, a school ranked 30-40 is still an amazing school that literally 95% of students who are not there would be thrilled to be capable of getting into.

People are not robots. These young people, and their parents, are allowed to experience emotions. You can realize that the stats and facts are true. You can be prepared to move on with the knowledge that life is what you make. You can be disappointed, even sad, while also doing/acknowledging all of the above.

Yes, people are not robots. And yes you are allowed to express emotions.

However, it is not healthy to be sad/disappointed for a long time and not be able to focus on reality and the fact that your kid is in at multiple great schools.
We raise our kids to strive for the best but know that you are not guaranteed anything. Our kids knew that any school with sub 10% acceptance rate was a "lottery" and they might have a ticket, but their chances of admission are still tiny. And they knew that most rejected are highly qualified as well.

My one kid lived that---ED1 to a T10, deferred then rejected. Because they wanted to wait for the T10 result, the did not ED2 at any school. They were ultimately rejected at 3 T20 Schools, WL at T30, and accepted everywhere else. 5 acceptances in the 30-50 range, and top safety was in the 60s (accepted there and all other safeties. Yes they were disappointed by the T20 rejections, especially the ED1. But we told them to live their emotions for a day or two but then it's time to get excited about all the other acceptances and choices. By xmas they were in at top safety and 1 top 50.
My kid has experienced rejection before and we have taught them to be sad/disappointed but then pick up and move on with life. Get excited about the opportunities you actually have and not what could have been.
I'd be concerned if my kid spent weeks upset of this when they got into schools in the 30-40 range

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, pretty much all the girls at our school (CT boarding school). Boys into every Ivy, MIT, Stanford, Chicago, etc. Girls left choosing between SLACs and publics.

Oddly opposite at our NYC school. Girls did much better overall. Some shocking rejections in both camps - amazing kids shut out of not just T10 but T30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh ... NYU is so many kids' dream school...
I can't read this kind of post.

Oh, please. It is like someone posting that their kid can’t break above a 1450 on the SAT and you having a kid who can’t get above a 1250 so you “can’t read that kind of post.” Different kids have different goals and hopes…a high stats kid who worked for years towards a goal as the right to feel disappointed when it didn’t pan out and a safety becomes the best of the not-hoped for options.

Then perhaps you as a parent (and family) need to rethink your goals. Common sense and data tell you there are way more "qualified applicants" than spots at T25 schools. Way way more. So ultimately, the vast majority are going to get Rejected. If your "really smart kid" cannot understand that going in, and recognize the goal of doing well isn't just "a prestigious school" but also to learn and to find your path in life, then you need to adjust. The 25-50 schools are FILLED with "t25 rejects", those kids excel and do great things in life. My kid is at one ranked ~40---every single one of their 20+ friends was WL or Spring admit (or fall admit sophomore year) at multiple T25 schools. Many at over 4-5 schools. Top students, great kids, doing great things at college and will continue after graduation. Why? Because they realize you don't always get what you want in life and you make the best of what you do get. And also, a school ranked 30-40 is still an amazing school that literally 95% of students who are not there would be thrilled to be capable of getting into.

People are not robots. These young people, and their parents, are allowed to experience emotions. You can realize that the stats and facts are true. You can be prepared to move on with the knowledge that life is what you make. You can be disappointed, even sad, while also doing/acknowledging all of the above.

Unrealistic expectations lead to these emotions. TBH, it’s not healthy.

+1000

It's our job as a parent to help our kids learn how to "deal with rejections". And a huge part of that is setting realistic expectations. Too many kids think---I'm high stat, excellent ECs, so I'll just apply to 10 T25 schools and I'm going to get into some. Well that's not how it works---you have a single digit chance at each school, and most kids rejected were highly qualified. So a better plan (IMO) for the college process (and live) is to ensure you kids has realistic expectations. Sure, apply to several T25, but dont' let them fall in love with them as a dream school. Help them have an amazing well crafted list of targets and safeties that they will equally (or almost equally) love. And then if they don't get into the reaches, quickly go thru all the reasons they loved their targets and safeties and help them focus on the positive.

[Anonymous]

I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, my son also is choosing between UMD Honors (in state for us), NYU and GWU interestingly! He only applied to one Ivy and two other Top 20 so was not surprised that he didn't get in, but was a tad bit disappointed. But we are all thankful that he has great options to choose from. You should be proud of your daughter!

Op here, we r OOS for UMD. What major?

Electrical Engineering for UMD (engineering for the other schools too).

EE for UMD is pretty high up

#19

https://www.collegefactual.com/majors/engineering/ee-electrical-engineering/rankings/top-ranked/

Even if that ranking isn't very good, other rankings do have UMD for EE pretty high, if not T20.

My very high stat kid was shut out of T10 for CS. They got direct admit to UMD CS with merit, which is also T20 for CS.

It was a huge ego hit, to be sure as their stats were very very high from a magnet program. But, DC is pretty happy there, and in hindsight, probably a better fit. They are smart, but not really driven like a lot of the T10 kids are. Still DC has a great internship lined up for the summer.

[Anonymous]

My kid was devastated to be rejected from NYU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

That's a tough lesson, and I could see teens falling into that trap. Why play by the rules when you don't get rewarded in the end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

Did you vote for the felon? Because being unethical has always succeeded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spent four years telling my kid that he should do his best and if he got top grades, good ECs, high scores that it would prepare him to succeed and get a lottery ticket. He got straight As with the exception of an honors science class sophomore year, 88.87. Our school district doesn’t round up and he had the bad luck to get a teacher who didn’t allow retakes or extra credit. I assured him that two semesters of Bs would not ruin his future. The only kids who got As in that class were three cheaters which really annoyed him. He had excellent ECs which were his authentically. He took a bunch of dual enrollment units and as many APs as the school would allow. His essays were great and not written by someone else. I told him how proud we were but to prepared for things to go differently. His older cousin was valedictorian, perfect SATs and was shut out from all but one of his safeties. My son’s guidance counselor was overly encouraging telling him he had an excellent shot at his dream school.

My son did not get into his dream school or his targets but got into a few safeties. He’s crushed. To make matters worst, the two kids in his school that got in lied on their apps, cheated their way through school, and paid someone else to write their essays. He tutored them in several subjects and always went out of his way to help other students. He’s really struggling with reality that being ethical and helping others doesn’t pay off but lying and cheating does.

That's a tough lesson, and I could see teens falling into that trap. Why play by the rules when you don't get rewarded in the end?

Don't get my kid started on the "extra time" scam. (I am not saying there aren't kids who deserve extra time. DC has friends with legit extra time needs, and he respects it. He does not respect kids who openly discuss faking "test anxiety" to get a doctors note for extra time on the ACT or midterms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone with high stats kids, who didn't get where you thought they should? Thought mine would land a few T25s, but didn't. She got into NYU, UMD and GWU, which are good choices but still feel a bit bummed.

Anyone experiencing this? How to get over it.

Look at the Harvard-Westlake Prep School placement report.

Even celebrities' kids and California geographic diversity kids have somewhat scattered success where you might expect better.

Google:

harvard westlake college guide 2025

I'm a graduate of 2 large flagships. Whatever your kid wants to do should be findable/workable at a large school. If your kid is introverted, they may have to be more deliberate about socializing.

[Anonymous]

Kids can sense their parents disappointments. Right now, just help your kid fall in love with one of the schools that has loved him with an acceptance. Get excited about the school. He will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Have they visited any of the schools? GWU and NYU are very city based colleges and don't have that "college campus" feel or rah rah sports.

UMD has both of that.

Shout out to men's and women's basketball for making it to sweet 16.

What type of environment does your DC want? I'm a previous poster whose kid is now at UMD for CS, and they weren't excited about college until we started shopping for dorm stuff. Then it really hit, and I think they got more excited about it.