I don’t know how to talk to my husband about foreplay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

Having to use lube every time because you jackhammer your wife is not normal sexual behavior. Guarantee this guy is thinking of someone else maybe even male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t quite like this but does sometimes forget that I have to go first or it doesn’t happen. If I can tell he his moving on to the “him” part too soon, I will literally take his hand and put it where it goes. I wish he would remember this on his own, and he does sometimes but not always.

Every single time you have to go first? That does not seem fair.

PP here. I don’t need to go first like a toddler. I have just learned that if I don’t insist on going first, he is useless once he finishes. So it’s first or not at all. I’d be happy to go second if it worked out.

I mean, you dont need to explain to this person. You cant even really finish sex once the guy finishes. It's a no duh thing unless youre an incel whos never been laid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

Having to use lube every time because you jackhammer your wife is not normal sexual behavior. Guarantee this guy is thinking of someone else maybe even male.

Exactly. When you need lube every time it's already a red flag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lube up. Story of our marriage. They don't change.

OP here. Honestly, this may be the best advice. However, I feel like that pleases him still and not me. I want to be touched. I want to be turned on. Just lubing up turns him on and not me. I still want sex, very often, but I want my thighs stroked too, kissed, etc.

The standard in our house is *I* (DW) come first. Maybe suggest that….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lube up. Story of our marriage. They don't change.

OP here. Honestly, this may be the best advice. However, I feel like that pleases him still and not me. I want to be touched. I want to be turned on. Just lubing up turns him on and not me. I still want sex, very often, but I want my thighs stroked too, kissed, etc.

The standard in our house is *I* (DW) come first. Maybe suggest that….

Yeah, and when that happens, lube is typically not needed (unless you’re having perimenopause/menopause, dryness, etc) But even then once you O, you’re good to go.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, anyone who “needs” lube is just doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like rape and not sex! If he is clueless about your needs you need to call time out and tell him. You are not a doormat to be stepped on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like rape and not sex! If he is clueless about your needs you need to call time out and tell him. You are not a doormat to be stepped on.

+1 I can't believe more people aren't disturbed by these women's stories about their DHs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our relationship it’s opposite. I’m DW and generally ready to go, dont want much foreplay. DH needs touch just generally. I have to make a point cuddle, kiss, hug ect because I do care about his needs. You should try to be physical with him more (in a non sexual way) and talk about it more

This is also me. I am more "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" meanwhile my partner loves a lot of constant contact, cuddling together and touching almost constantly. However, I would be extremely turned off if a man just expected me to instantly spread my legs at the drop of a hat with ZERO effort put into setting the mood. I dont need elaborate foreplay whatsoever, but it sounds like OP's DH does absolutely nothing and still expects sex on demand... that's a turn off based on the entitlement alone.

I'm a middle aged man. Fortunately for me, wham bam thank you ma'am women are few and far between. I can do it twice a day but I'm still slow to rise. I'm the kind of guy who gets off by really understanding the woman he's with and touching her very attentively. For me the wham bam women are difficult to please sometimes.

I think wham bam women have some challenges too First, that doesn't work so well after menopause. Second, if you ONLY are capable of O when a guy is inside you, a slightly early finish by the guy can put a damper on the whole evening...

Talking, and showing by doing, helps a lot. I suggest that OP show him by guiding his hand. She also can demonstrate on his body. Some women aren't comfortable being that direct and taking the lead, but once in a while they should try. Everyone is better off if they do they once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lube up. Story of our marriage. They don't change.

OP here. Honestly, this may be the best advice. However, I feel like that pleases him still and not me. I want to be touched. I want to be turned on. Just lubing up turns him on and not me. I still want sex, very often, but I want my thighs stroked too, kissed, etc.

Same here. I tried showing him, but he gets impatient if things take time, and I feel as if I am a burden. He gets tired if I ask him to hold on the same pace or, alternatively, cannot repeat the motion I like. When I show him a position, his back starts hurting, or his leg goes numb, and he can't continue. It's been like this forever! Once he saw a move in p**n, I guess, or read somewhere about what women like. He proceeded despite my begging him not to do it, and it hurt like hell. So now, we lube up, I go through the motions, and he feels good. The end.

OP, how old is your DH? I am 50 and very athletic. I go to the gym 4 times a week and do a.mox of cardio and strength training. Unfortunately men my age who don't exercise and have a very sedentary lifestyle tend to have much lower testosterone, back issues "boner" issues, you name it.

Anyways I am very sorry this man has abandoned you sexually this way. I must say compared to.apt.of.women here you have aor of patience. I.am.shocked aot haven't as ice you to look for an AP to take care of your sexual needs.

I have a solution that may work for you. There are actually sex therapists who can teach people how to have fulfilling sex. Your husband may need to see one. I don't know much about it but every now and then some have suggested it on this forum.

Finally, is your DH stressed? Loo up mindfulness. It's an incredible powerful tool to free your mind of cluster and be in the moment. When you are in the moment, sex is incredible.

It seems to me that this guy has a lot going on in his mind and he needs help.

Strength training, cardio, good diet. Mindfulness and plenty of water is the secret to deliver guarantee orgasms every single time. With DW we don't even need to have sex more than once a day because she O she gets are so intense that she is sensitive down there for the rest of the day.

I am sorry hopefully he changes his way. He is your husband and he really needs to care for you. It's important for him.ans for you as well. When sex is not satisfactory, relationships begin to deteriorate. We have one life to live and enjoy and sex is big part of it. .

[Anonymous]

Mist likely op is a troll

[Anonymous]

*most

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

Having to use lube every time because you jackhammer your wife is not normal sexual behavior. Guarantee this guy is thinking of someone else maybe even male.

I thought the exact same thing. Most men want a woman who is turned on - that’s a huge part of it. This man is not into women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

Having to use lube every time because you jackhammer your wife is not normal sexual behavior. Guarantee this guy is thinking of someone else maybe even male.

I thought the exact same thing. Most men want a woman who is turned on - that’s a huge part of it. This man is not into women.

Is this a new thing now? Why are so many men quick to say another man isn't into women. That's just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

Having to use lube every time because you jackhammer your wife is not normal sexual behavior. Guarantee this guy is thinking of someone else maybe even male.

I thought the exact same thing. Most men want a woman who is turned on - that’s a huge part of it. This man is not into women.

Is this a new thing now? Why are so many men quick to say another man isn't into women. That's just bizarre.

It’s become an “acceptable” way for men and women to express bigoted homophobia. Relationship problem? Can’t be you. It must be the insidious gays.