I don’t know how to talk to my husband about foreplay

[Anonymous]

I am the story of my marriage OP.
PIV with no foreplay gave me orgasms until I was in my 50s. I did use lube.
After 50, libido waned but we still did the deed with lube until I was 70 and got cancer. I miss it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he’s always been this way, why is it an issue now when it’s never been before?

This is the trouble with marrying a human and not a robot. At 50, I need a much longer lead and warmup time than I did 30 years ago. What OP describes could have been tolerable then but is an absolute no now.

OP, it doesn’t matter if he’s ready to go, if you are not. If he complains, you say; I have told you multiple times what I need.

Seriously. Wait till menopause starts, it can become excruciating for some women.

Not for the women here. They are perfect they are always supposedly ready for sex 40, 60 76 doesn't matter. The men are the problem not them!

Ummm this is a thread about a man who is objectively very bad in bed …

…whose performance was consistently rewarded and reinforced for for years with daily (!) sex but is now confronted with the expectation is that he will accept that he was actually bad for all those years and needs to change to do stuff he never has before to earn it for the once a month that it actually happens.

I am shocked that it isn’t going well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he’s always been this way, why is it an issue now when it’s never been before?

This is the trouble with marrying a human and not a robot. At 50, I need a much longer lead and warmup time than I did 30 years ago. What OP describes could have been tolerable then but is an absolute no now.

OP, it doesn’t matter if he’s ready to go, if you are not. If he complains, you say; I have told you multiple times what I need.

Seriously. Wait till menopause starts, it can become excruciating for some women.

Not for the women here. They are perfect they are always supposedly ready for sex 40, 60 76 doesn't matter. The men are the problem not them!

Ummm this is a thread about a man who is objectively very bad in bed …

…whose performance was consistently rewarded and reinforced for for years with daily (!) sex but is now confronted with the expectation is that he will accept that he was actually bad for all those years and needs to change to do stuff he never has before to earn it for the once a month that it actually happens.

I am shocked that it isn’t going well.

Some people are able to shift and pivot as bodies and minds change.

[Anonymous]

Buy him some books (Come As You Are) and see a sex therapist together.

And stop being his c*mdumpster till he changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he’s always been this way, why is it an issue now when it’s never been before?

This is the trouble with marrying a human and not a robot. At 50, I need a much longer lead and warmup time than I did 30 years ago. What OP describes could have been tolerable then but is an absolute no now.

OP, it doesn’t matter if he’s ready to go, if you are not. If he complains, you say; I have told you multiple times what I need.

OP here. I can try to stand firm. Won’t lie, I will feel extremely guilty though.

Why do you feel guilty and he doesn't? And why do you think that's OK?

Np. Because it is sinful to deny sex to your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he’s always been this way, why is it an issue now when it’s never been before?

This is the trouble with marrying a human and not a robot. At 50, I need a much longer lead and warmup time than I did 30 years ago. What OP describes could have been tolerable then but is an absolute no now.

OP, it doesn’t matter if he’s ready to go, if you are not. If he complains, you say; I have told you multiple times what I need.

OP here. I can try to stand firm. Won’t lie, I will feel extremely guilty though.

Why do you feel guilty and he doesn't? And why do you think that's OK?

Np. Because it is sinful to deny sex to your spouse

Well then, the inverse is also true. It's sinful to deny pleasure to your spouse, and he's not getting it/you done correctly. Broaden your definition of "sex" beyond PIV+male orgasm and make him step his game up.

[Anonymous]

Homework.

There is the book someone recommended earlier - plus come as you are by Emily Nagoski


There is also a website - it’s quite good. Btw I’m a guy late 50s and don’t own shares !

https://www.omgyes.com/join

[Anonymous]

Do you think he’s doing this purposefully, in a passive aggressive manner? I suspect this of my own husband. Is yours passive aggressive is other ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Homework.

There is the book someone recommended earlier - plus come as you are by Emily Nagoski


There is also a website - it’s quite good. Btw I’m a guy late 50s and don’t own shares !

https://www.omgyes.com/join

She comes first

by Ian kerner

[Anonymous]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QBVXGQYAwP4&pp=ygUSY2FpdGxpbiB2IGZvcmVwbGF5

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KrFRjCKgMDA&pp=ygUOY2FpdGxpbiB2IG9yYWw%3D

Caitlin V, she does videos on YouTube breaking women’s sexuality down for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hes been like this the whole time?

OP here. It has gotten worse. I also think it bothers me now more than ever because we don’t have sex as often as we used to. So, when we do have sex, between a couple of weeks to a month, and it’s just penetration, it doesn’t make me feel good or satisfied. Then between those couple of weeks to a month, there is no affection. No kiss, no hug, no cuddle. That has changed. No, he isn’t getting sex anywhere before others will say. He never leaves the darn house. I need things in between sexual acts.

I feel you OP, as I’m in a similar situation almost no foreplay and decreasing over time. But I’m HL and will take what I can get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hes been like this the whole time?

OP here. It has gotten worse. I also think it bothers me now more than ever because we don’t have sex as often as we used to. So, when we do have sex, between a couple of weeks to a month, and it’s just penetration, it doesn’t make me feel good or satisfied. Then between those couple of weeks to a month, there is no affection. No kiss, no hug, no cuddle. That has changed. No, he isn’t getting sex anywhere before others will say. He never leaves the darn house. I need things in between sexual acts.

No oral??

[Anonymous]

Try sex counseling.

Your needs matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly he’s always been this way, why is it an issue now when it’s never been before?

This is the trouble with marrying a human and not a robot. At 50, I need a much longer lead and warmup time than I did 30 years ago. What OP describes could have been tolerable then but is an absolute no now.

OP, it doesn’t matter if he’s ready to go, if you are not. If he complains, you say; I have told you multiple times what I need.

OP here. I can try to stand firm. Won’t lie, I will feel extremely guilty though.

Why do you feel guilty and he doesn't? And why do you think that's OK?

Np. Because it is sinful to deny sex to your spouse

OMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lube up. Story of our marriage. They don't change.

OP here. Honestly, this may be the best advice. However, I feel like that pleases him still and not me. I want to be touched. I want to be turned on. Just lubing up turns him on and not me. I still want sex, very often, but I want my thighs stroked too, kissed, etc.

You are 1,000% justified .

Please speak up or seek professional help. You have a right to what you desire!!