what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?

[Anonymous]

If OP is not a troll this has to be one of the saddest posts I have read here and I’ve been here for years. I’ve seen split parents compete for best Sat plans, best dating life, etc, IRL, so could be real post. Have seen the results for kids too, tragic.

[Anonymous]

IME mom gets legal custody and grandma raises the kids. :/

OP if this is real, please step up and be the mom your kids need. It's not fair that your husband didn't do his part, but you can only control yourself, and the top priority here should be the wellbeing of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is not a troll this has to be one of the saddest posts I have read here and I’ve been here for years. I’ve seen split parents compete for best Sat plans, best dating life, etc, IRL, so could be real post. Have seen the results for kids too, tragic.

It could just be one kid that is more out of control and too much for the mom to handle. A lot of times kids will take advantage of being one parent down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.

They know neither parent wants them. They're going to be screwed no matter what. The answer is foster care. It sounds like they are unwanted. If they are wanted, someone would step in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IME mom gets legal custody and grandma raises the kids. :/

OP if this is real, please step up and be the mom your kids need. It's not fair that your husband didn't do his part, but you can only control yourself, and the top priority here should be the wellbeing of the kids.

+1
And remember you reap what you sow. If you want a good relationship with them, show then what that looks like. If you want them to neglect you show them what that looks like.

They will cut off their dad if he doesn't want them. If he's the cheater, they might cut him off even if he wants them.

[Anonymous]

I just can't imagine a dad like this was pulling his weight with childcare. I picture a mom already doing everything and feeling nothing but relieved that he's leaving them alone. I hope this is hypothetical. Very sad if not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2019 Virginia had the lowest median child support payment in the Nation at $402.

Wow! That's wild. My bf pays $1509/month for his one DD. He had a high paying job when child support was calculated. He's since lost that job but doesn't want to get child support reevaluated because his ex has threatened if he does that, she'll move back to CA. My bf is absolutely terrified of flying and has tried several different meds to be able to fly. I've done a handful of short trips (<1hr) with him and his CBT, but he's bailed on all of them and never made it to takeoff.

Why would anyone date such a loser? Don’t get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Single mom here. Poor kids. Neither parent wants them? That’s awful. I have mine 24/7/365 because my ex wants the freedom to do whatever he wants. I don’t have any choices here but what am I going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welp, mom needs to raise them then. Foster care not an option. Those are the breaks. Kids will be f’d up with no one wanting them.

They know neither parent wants them. They're going to be screwed no matter what. The answer is foster care. It sounds like they are unwanted. If they are wanted, someone would step in.

Foster care is not going to take in kids in this situation.

There is limited foster care for kids who DO qualify. Older kids are out in group homes, many of which are linked to drug use and trafficking.

[Anonymous]

In my DH’s case his grandparents (on both side) stepped in and while in his mother’s care they basically were neglected. My DH has some trauma but is functioning. My 40 yr old SIL is still a mental health mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my DH’s case his grandparents (on both side) stepped in and while in his mother’s care they basically were neglected. My DH has some trauma but is functioning. My 40 yr old SIL is still a mental health mess.

Where was the dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. Poor kids. Neither parent wants them? That’s awful. I have mine 24/7/365 because my ex wants the freedom to do whatever he wants. I don’t have any choices here but what am I going to do?

I'm sorry, that sounds very hard. You just accept that? Aren't there any ramifications/consequences/etc AT ALL for the dad? Is it really that easy for a father to walk away scot free?
Is is societal pressure/biology/guilt/fear of embarassment that makes moms stay with their kids and assume 100% caregiving and financial responsibility?
How has this always been the dynamic throughout history?

[Anonymous]

Why do people think there are lots of safe places that will take on kids of 2 living and employed, yet selfish and immature parents?

Even for kids w/o parents life can be brutal.

https://ballardbrief.byu.edu/issue-briefs/sexual-abuse-of-children-in-the-united-states-foster-care-system

Hoping OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody forced this woman to have three kids with a loser.

Dad did a complete 180 in midlife crisis. He was the model dad before the he bolted. Honestly, ladies, he could be any one of your husbands.

Please stop the internalized misogynistic, guilty posts on how bad the mom is and focus on the dad and what can be done to keep him from abandoning his kids

Unless mom pursued primary custody, for sure mom should be able to demand 50% split. Especially if deadbeat Dad's child support is measly

[Anonymous]

The court will require them to share custody.