what happens when Dad abandons the family and Mom is left to handle everything, but doesn't want it either?

[Anonymous]

In 2019 Virginia had the lowest median child support payment in the Nation at $402.

[Anonymous]

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/child-support-in-your-state.php

VA is actually less than West Virginia per this map. Maryland as a whole is also a lot less than other stated. Try supporting 3 kids on $1206 per month.

[Anonymous]

I assume this is hypothetical. There are very few moms like this. And the ones that exist don't usually have three kids.

[Anonymous]

This was the case with a cousin of mine. Custody ended up going to her mom & dad, my aunt and uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2019 Virginia had the lowest median child support payment in the Nation at $402.

Wow! That's wild. My bf pays $1509/month for his one DD. He had a high paying job when child support was calculated. He's since lost that job but doesn't want to get child support reevaluated because his ex has threatened if he does that, she'll move back to CA. My bf is absolutely terrified of flying and has tried several different meds to be able to fly. I've done a handful of short trips (<1hr) with him and his CBT, but he's bailed on all of them and never made it to takeoff.

[Anonymous]

You cannot legally just sign your kids over to foster care. You will be put in jail for child abandonment.

There was a famous news story awhile back of a state that said parents could give their kids up, no questions asked, intending for it to be just for infants, but parents were dropping off so many older kids that they ended the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foster care is not going to take these kids.

Actually, there are boarding schools like the Milton Hershey school where parents sign over custody and kids live at the school for free, get college endowment, healthcare, live like kings basically. So the option exists. Infants- 16 admissions.

That being said, if neither parent wants them - look into Milton Hershey school or similar. It’s an option, and they encourage kids to visit parents frequently and maintain close relationship.

This isn't accurate. My old coworker had a child with ASD and bipolar disorder who couldn't live in the family home and there was absolutely nowhere that would take him residential--using insurance, or if she signed him over. Simply nowhere in the entire united states that would take him. She literally was forced to care for him until he turned 18.

[Anonymous]

I remember this

https://www.sfgate.com/nation/article/Families-dump-teens-under-new-safe-haven-law-3267153.php

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2019 Virginia had the lowest median child support payment in the Nation at $402.

Wow! That's wild. My bf pays $1509/month for his one DD. He had a high paying job when child support was calculated. He's since lost that job but doesn't want to get child support reevaluated because his ex has threatened if he does that, she'll move back to CA. My bf is absolutely terrified of flying and has tried several different meds to be able to fly. I've done a handful of short trips (<1hr) with him and his CBT, but he's bailed on all of them and never made it to takeoff.

Your boyfriend sounds like a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should Mom (or her Mom) be forced/guilted into/expected, etc to raise the kids.
Why not the Dad? Can court force dad to stick around? to be a 50% parent?
Dad likes to "pretend" he's a good dad to his out of town family and co-workers, but he's not

I think it’s ridiculous that a man can run off and abandon his responsibilities and no one really seems to blink, but when a mother voices thus, she is a terrible person. Frankly, they are both terrible and dads should be held more accountable for the commitments they have made. I look at moms with 3+ kids and I wonder what will happen when the dad suddenly decides he’s not into it anymore?

Nah- people do notice! But men are expected to pay child support and the mom is supposed to be the primary care giver (per society, not necessarily what should happen). Anything less and people talk. I know plenty of people who denigrate men who don't step up and do 50% care while divorced and/or don't pay child support.

Agree. I know I look down on every-other-weekend dads.

Often that’s all they get as child support goes by time share so it’s to the mom’s advantage to block the dad from having more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember this

https://www.sfgate.com/nation/article/Families-dump-teens-under-new-safe-haven-law-3267153.php

The dad who abandoned 9 kids then got his next girlfriend pregnant:

https://www.foxnews.com/story/father-who-ditched-nine-kids-via-safe-haven-law-has-twins-on-the-way.amp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foster care is not going to take these kids.

Actually, there are boarding schools like the Milton Hershey school where parents sign over custody and kids live at the school for free, get college endowment, healthcare, live like kings basically. So the option exists. Infants- 16 admissions.

That being said, if neither parent wants them - look into Milton Hershey school or similar. It’s an option, and they encourage kids to visit parents frequently and maintain close relationship.

This isn't accurate. My old coworker had a child with ASD and bipolar disorder who couldn't live in the family home and there was absolutely nowhere that would take him residential--using insurance, or if she signed him over. Simply nowhere in the entire united states that would take him. She literally was forced to care for him until he turned 18.

This is a lie. Somewhere would take him or foster care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foster care is not going to take these kids.

Actually, there are boarding schools like the Milton Hershey school where parents sign over custody and kids live at the school for free, get college endowment, healthcare, live like kings basically. So the option exists. Infants- 16 admissions.

That being said, if neither parent wants them - look into Milton Hershey school or similar. It’s an option, and they encourage kids to visit parents frequently and maintain close relationship.

This isn't accurate. My old coworker had a child with ASD and bipolar disorder who couldn't live in the family home and there was absolutely nowhere that would take him residential--using insurance, or if she signed him over. Simply nowhere in the entire united states that would take him. She literally was forced to care for him until he turned 18.

This is a lie. Somewhere would take him or foster care.

You can't just give your special needs child up to foster care. That is not a thing.
There are not long term residential placements using private health insurance for mentally ill children. There are some through the juvenile justice system.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here, but don’t practice family law. I feel like the court could just order 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

I knew a mom whose kid had an IEP placement through the local school district for residential placement, and the school system looked for two years and couldn't find a place that would take the child even with the school system willing to pay full price and literally any price. She was told by her case worker that they had over 20 children they were looking for residential schools for for over a year.