Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

I remember always being mocked as a teen in my parents household for taking the time to brush my hair and dress appropriately (no shorty shorts from the gym Dad!) when a guest was at the house. I had learned this behavior from my good friends mother while observing her when I visited their house. Thankfully I was smart enough to see her as an adult role model and did not embarrass myself on many items my family failed on. To this day my family has not changed and they never will, hence hotel rooms since the day I left home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

What's wrong with being raised in a trailer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The name on the birthday cake is saved and eaten by the birthday girl/boy.

Ask before you eat someone else’s leftovers - Some households are all for one, one for all and anyone can eat anyone else’s food

Another birthday cake one was everyone cringes when cutting the face on photo cakes in my childhood home. You don’t just go to chopping at the face first. That should also be saved for birthday girl/ boy thinking of it.

Those birthday cake rules are not a “thing”. Birthday kid gets a nice slice of cake, but the name is not saved.

In AA families this is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

What's wrong with being raised in a trailer?

Indeed, if that's your preference, do so. And please confirm to criticize those of us who choose otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

+1. Neither do we. We’re clean people. No, we don’t “smell bad” (yes, really). Wet washcloths are bacteria breeding grounds unless you do laundry seven days a week. No thanks.

I use a new one every day. After my shower in the morning I just lay it out over the shower caddy and it's dry by the next morning at which point it goes in the laundry basket. *shrug*

[Anonymous]

Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.

At 1:20 here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

What's wrong with being raised in a trailer?

Indeed, if that's your preference, do so. And please confirm to criticize those of us who choose otherwise.

I've never lived in a trailer, but would like you to expand on "make you look like you were raised in a trailer." Please spell out what you mean by this.

[Anonymous]

Can we add blowing noses at the table? I didn’t realize this was not acceptable outside of my family until after marriage and watching other adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

Yikes, I use overhead lights (at times - I do prefer a softer light) and don’t always raise the blinds. I also will keep good in their containers if it’s just us. I guess I’m base and crude and never knew it!

This is the second time someone has mentioned overhead lights. Will someone explain this to me? What is the issue with using overhead lights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we add blowing noses at the table? I didn’t realize this was not acceptable outside of my family until after marriage and watching other adults.

My stepfather burped at the table and my mother literally farted at the table. They would laugh, and think it was hilarious. I knew this was not acceptable, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing to leave a tip for hotel maids. As a kid we did a lot of camping on our vacations and rarely stayed in hotels.

I stay in hotels all the time and don't tip the maid.

You’re horrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, we did not wash hands after the bathroom (but did before food prep).
My parents were also not knowledgeable cooks (as in, no one taught them anythingbut casseroles) and would do stuff like put frozen meat on the grill.

DH didn't know to use a spray bottle when ironing, he would pour water out of a glass onto his shirts.

OP and you’re describing what I think my family was like. It’s like we got 75% credit on everything. I’m charmed by your DH knowing that he was supposed to iron a shirt, actually trying, and then dumping water out onto it and not thinking to himself “hmm, this doesn’t seem right.”

I also giggled about the water.

I grew up with a poor but house-proud mom. I never really learned to clean anything because she insisted on doing it all. This is not a good way to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever used a fork and knife to eat (fork in the left hand, knife in the right). We just ate with forks in our dominant hand, and eating Euro-style is very unnatural and fancy to me.

I didn’t know we’re supposed to send a thank you note after receiving a gift.

I thought meat should always be very, very well done.

This one is me. I work internationally and I always feel very awkward, but I'm too uncoordinated to shift to Euro-style on cutlery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

Yikes, I use overhead lights (at times - I do prefer a softer light) and don’t always raise the blinds. I also will keep good in their containers if it’s just us. I guess I’m base and crude and never knew it!

This is the second time someone has mentioned overhead lights. Will someone explain this to me? What is the issue with using overhead lights?

It's not directly a manners / class thing, it's a style thing. Some people like overhead lights and some don't. Most designers don't (softer light is flattering, lamps are "decor") so there is a link to money/class in the sense that designers agree with you if you are in the lamps category.
Personally, I like to see what I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

+1. Neither do we. We’re clean people. No, we don’t “smell bad” (yes, really). Wet washcloths are bacteria breeding grounds unless you do laundry seven days a week. No thanks.

I agree with you on washcloths.

I like overhead lights, and my husband hates them. He's very dramatic about it ... acts like he's dying if I turn the overhead light on while I'm picking out my clothes for the next day.