Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't eat out and my mom (single mom) didn't enforce any kind of table manners. I didn't know until I was in HS to put my napkin in my lap or how to efficiently cut my food with a knife and fork.
My first date took me out to dinner before a dance and I accidentally dropped food in my lap. He laughed and never asked me out again.

My high school boyfriend’s mom took us out to dinner at a Japanese place. I’d never had teriyaki and didn’t like broccoli, but I tried the broccoli and it slipped off my fork (I didn’t even try chopsticks), fell down my white sweater, and into my lap. We dated for another year and his mom was always lovely to me. That grace is the important civilizing detail. I’m sorry that boy had not learned that!

[Anonymous]

I know someone from another country who went to deposit her check at the bank drive thru. After she pushed the button to send the tube she would drive away. Didn’t know she was supposed to wait for her receipt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know that if a slightly richer relative/friend etc. offered to pay for a casual meal, it's polite and appropriate to say, oh, let me get the tip and to have cash on hand for that.

It might be polite and appropriate, depending on the relationship. In general, though, no, it isn't polite or appropriate.

Yes it is polite and appropriate even if declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You leave the porch light on at night. I’ve never seen a neighborhood that doesn’t do this. I can’t imagine a block of completely dark houses unless they were abandoned.

I’ve seen plenty of neighborhoods, mostly well to do ones that are completely dark. The lights have automatic sensors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse’s parents travel and houseguest with a small lota sprinkling can to wash their backsides after toilet time.
He didn’t know what it was nor for until they lost one whilst traveling and asked if we saw it. Yet they’ve been using it their whole lives.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse’s parents travel and houseguest with a small lota sprinkling can to wash their backsides after toilet time.
He didn’t know what it was nor for until they lost one whilst traveling and asked if we saw it. Yet they’ve been using it their whole lives.

Like a little pitcher/personal bidet?

I think one of the most civilizing things is to try to fit in where you are and make do.
We had a houseguest try a personal bidet in our bathroom and soaked the entire floor. It was not a wet room, and leaked down to the cieling below

[Anonymous]

I never used a washcloth until I got to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

+1. Neither do we. We’re clean people. No, we don’t “smell bad” (yes, really). Wet washcloths are bacteria breeding grounds unless you do laundry seven days a week. No thanks.

I agree with you on washcloths.

I like overhead lights, and my husband hates them. He's very dramatic about it ... acts like he's dying if I turn the overhead light on while I'm picking out my clothes for the next day.

LOL. That’s me. It’s like looking directly at the sun. My young adult kids want to sit at the table like we’re in an operating theater. In the evening it’s so tiring to sit in a room with overhead lights that are on or aren’t dimmed. I feel like a hostage at dinner parties when the hosts do that. I put dimmers on everything, have sconces and lamps everywhere. There’s a house down the street that has full-on daylight tint bulbs on full in their entire house, I shudder and think they must be CIA ops torturing people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know until I moved into our current neighborhood that you left the outside front door light on all night and on the weekends you always turned light on at the front of the house when people may be entertaining guests.

A few weeks after we moved into our neighborhood, an older lady stopped by with the neighborhood directory and a nice potted plant. She gently explained to me that this was "done" in our neighborhood. By golly, I walked through the neighborhood the next Saturday night and saw that most people were following the practice she described.

I began to do it and I noticed as new people moved in, they seemed to automatically do it. No one had to tell them.

I was raised in a "turn out the lights, you are wasting electricity" house, and I had no clue of this practice.

This is completely ridiculous. Leaving lights on all night is just contributing to light pollution. And wasting electricity. Two types of pollution that are both bad for the planet. And for what exactly? So the neighborhood looks more expensive for the stuck up neighbors? Did I understand that correctly?

I do it for crime deterrence. Everyone should. Use LED lights.

That doesn't fix the light pollution problem. You should use motion-sensing LED lights.

Not to mention, migrating birds.

We live in Maine, where nobody has those lights on at night, particularly during migration season. The state supports this.

https://www.audubon.org/our-work/cities-and-towns/lights-out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse’s parents travel and houseguest with a small lota sprinkling can to wash their backsides after toilet time.
He didn’t know what it was nor for until they lost one whilst traveling and asked if we saw it. Yet they’ve been using it their whole lives.

Like a little pitcher/personal bidet?

I think one of the most civilizing things is to try to fit in where you are and make do.
We had a houseguest try a personal bidet in our bathroom and soaked the entire floor. It was not a wet room, and leaked down to the cieling below

Yes they’re Turkish

[Anonymous]

The only thing I can think of is that I put all my jeans in the dryer in college and couldn't understand why they came out wrinkled. My mom saw me do it and said, you need to let them fluff. So, less clothing in dryer.

My husband - grew up in a hoarding household and they all sat on their beds to eat. His table manners are atrocious. He wipes the plate with his finger and then licks his finger, among many other things.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't taught normal small social etiquette things. How to set a table. Bringing hostess gifts or a nice food item to share. How to be a good conversationalist. My mom also lacked emotional maturity and I never developed good skills in that vein either. I am working on it but old habits die hard and I still struggle.

[Anonymous]

I ate the shrimp cocktail for the first time on a first date. I ate the shells and claimed I like it.

[Anonymous]

I had a parakeet as a child and she was never let out of her cage. We just didn’t know any better. She was a sweet bird too, I still feel awful about sometimes.

I didn’t have a dog, but growing up NO ONE in my neighborhood walked their dog. People just let their dog run out to the front yard to do their business and then brought the dog back inside. I have a retired couple neighbor now with a fairly large dog that I never see being walked and I just shake my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

+1. Neither do we. We’re clean people. No, we don’t “smell bad” (yes, really). Wet washcloths are bacteria breeding grounds unless you do laundry seven days a week. No thanks.

I agree with you on washcloths.

I like overhead lights, and my husband hates them. He's very dramatic about it ... acts like he's dying if I turn the overhead light on while I'm picking out my clothes for the next day.

LOL. That’s me. It’s like looking directly at the sun. My young adult kids want to sit at the table like we’re in an operating theater. In the evening it’s so tiring to sit in a room with overhead lights that are on or aren’t dimmed. I feel like a hostage at dinner parties when the hosts do that. I put dimmers on everything, have sconces and lamps everywhere. There’s a house down the street that has full-on daylight tint bulbs on full in their entire house, I shudder and think they must be CIA ops torturing people.

LOL Operating Theater! I am apparently an operating theater fan. I also like junior mints.