Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's family sent my family holiday gifts.
My family never acknowledged nor reciprocated. I would get holiday gifts for boyfriend's family but I am sure his parents realized my larger family is barnyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.

Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?

My way or the highway!

No idea what you’re trying to say here. Do what you want with your lights - someone asked why my mom said no overhead lights and I said why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing to leave a tip for hotel maids. As a kid we did a lot of camping on our vacations and rarely stayed in hotels.

I stayed in hotels here and there, and we never left tips for maids.

Same.

I try to now, and did for awhile, but I never have cash anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a household where nobody flossed. Ever. Like, it was my job to dust the house, and I literally dusted off dust from the same box of dental floss for over 15 years.

Our dog got groomed once a year. We never bathed her at home. We didn't really brush her. I was shocked as an adult to find out people get their dogs bathed every 2-6 weeks! And groomed several times a year.

My poodle goes to the groomer every six weeks. My smooth-coated mutt only goes to get a bath if she’s rolled in something disgusting, she doesn’t need it otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.

Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?

My way or the highway!

No idea what you’re trying to say here. Do what you want with your lights - someone asked why my mom said no overhead lights and I said why.

I was the poster who asked why overhead lights were a no no. Thanks for explaining! I wonder if it is an architecture thing... houses built in the past in nice neighborhoods that weren't built with overhead lightning or if it was people look better when lit from other angles. Anyway! Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overhead lights are absolutely necessary for functionality. Sure, plug in some lamps if you want, but I need to be able to SEE as I walk around my house.

I don't think the overhead light one is a thing. I would like to know more

It’s a thing. Overhead lights are too harsh. You should not use them except maybe in a utility room like a laundry room or kitchen or garage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

[Anonymous]

OP were yiu raised by wolves or something? Born before 1900?

[Anonymous]

Overhead lighting is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.

Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?

My way or the highway!

Think of the old European houses and castles. Versailles has very high ceilings and no overhead lights.

I'm not sure I would go so far as to say that overhead lights are tacky but floor lamps are better. Fluorescent lighting is a no-no except for possibly in the utility room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Overhead lighting is tacky.

Not putting in overhead lighting is a way for builders to cheap out on construction. You’ve heard the BS from the construction industry trying to convince people that overhead lighting is tacky, but it’s actually a cost cutting measure. Same with “open concept”. It’s more expensive to build walls and create actual rooms.

[Anonymous]

Please please please someone needs to link the maroon washcloth thread (I’m sadly helpless on this front).

[Anonymous]

Every modern house I’ve been to in the last couple of decades has overhead recessed lighting. I’ve never heard of people being averse to it. If PPs meant harsh fluorescent lights like at an office, then I understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Golly, wonder when recessed lights and 12’ ceilings came about.

Or does the whole world live in a little hobbit house with iridescent lighting and lamps?

My way or the highway!

I tried living in a house without 12' ceilings. I couldn't do it. So, now I live on the streets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing to leave a tip for hotel maids. As a kid we did a lot of camping on our vacations and rarely stayed in hotels.

I stay in hotels all the time and don't tip the maid.