Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

What are people meaning when they say they didn’t know about pillow covers? Do you mean something special over or under the pillow case? We double up the pillow cases to protect the pillow a bit more between washes but I don’t know about anything else.

[Anonymous]

My parents basically never socialized. Like maybe once a year? Both going to people's houses and having people over. I always got in trouble when we had company for being too loud, too boisterous, but it was because I was SO excited.

I was given TERRIBLE socializing advice. It's a huge part of why I was bullied my entire school career.

Oh, and let's talk about my parents casual racism. They'd have sworn they weren't racist, but they were/are (one is dead now). One time my dad got in a minor car accident in Miami and he just drove off. He claimed it was the safe thing to do because the other driver was probably a gang-banger. The only time we had anyone of a different race to our house, it was when my brother or I had a friend over who was not white. Which was super rare, since we barely ever had friends over.

My mother was convinced that at all concerts there are tons of drugs, and older men trying to give them (for free) to young kids. So neither my brother nor I went to a concert until we were in our 20's. Yes, I'm sure that New Kids on the Block concert was super dangerous and she saved me from a lifetime addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised people didn’t know to wash hands after using the bathroom. I thought they taught this in preschool/elementary school.

Yes this is so disgusting!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

+1. Neither do we. We’re clean people. No, we don’t “smell bad” (yes, really). Wet washcloths are bacteria breeding grounds unless you do laundry seven days a week. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I’ve gone through adulthood, I seem to encounter ways of doing things that aren’t even polite or fancy but just the basics that no one in my family of origin seemed to know about. Now I’m wondering what I might be missing as I raise my own child. What did you only find out about as an adult? (And thank you to all of my roommates over the years who helped raise me)

Some of my gaps:

-didn’t grow up using washcloths. We owned them but only because they came in sets of towels. I guess we just smeared soap around. I used to break out a lot and even developed cysts on the back of my thighs from clogged pores until I realized all of my roommates used them but me.

-not washing hands in the kitchen. We washed our hands after the bathroom or after coming in from outside in the laundry room sink. My mom doesn’t even have hand soap in her kitchen. She might rinse meat juices and stuff off her hands but otherwise she doesn’t wash her hands before prepping food. I only learned it was a thing from working at restaurants in high school.

DH’s gaps:

-didn’t grow up using napkins at the table. When I asked what he did if someone ate something messy, he said you’d grab a dish towel and then put it back!

-grew up washing everything all together in one load. Eventually everything looked pilled and gray regardless of original color or fabric. I intervened when we met in grad school because I couldn’t handle watching nice work pants get tossed in with linty towels and cleaning rags.

-didn’t know about mattress pads or pillow covers, so they get sweat-stained and grimy. Changing the sheets at his parents’ is a scary experience.

You truly were born in a barn.

Go to hell and take your mean spirit with you. NP

Happy Holidays, everyone! DCUM, never change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never used washcloths and I’ve never had clogged pores.

There are whole countries on this planet that don’t use them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are people meaning when they say they didn’t know about pillow covers? Do you mean something special over or under the pillow case? We double up the pillow cases to protect the pillow a bit more between washes but I don’t know about anything else.

They call them pillow protectors or similar. They’re usually white cotton and have a tiny zipper and zip right over the pillow. They’re usually a bit tighter than a pillowcase would be. You insert them zipper first so it won’t show.

Doubling up is also ok, just bulkier and they sometimes slide and bunch.

[Anonymous]

I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

[Anonymous]

Had to learn how to get rid of facial hair, shape eyebrows, do mani pedi. Still bad at styling hair and dressing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

I agree there is a lot that is considered being well mannered that is time wasting for women particularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had to learn how to get rid of facial hair, shape eyebrows, do mani pedi. Still bad at styling hair and dressing up.

My mom would spend a lot on clothes but wasn’t great at makeup, doing her hair, looking after her nails. It took me a very long time to learn all this as an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

[Anonymous]

Some of these aren’t really things. Eg washcloths are optional, as is tipping maids, and I have never heard of offering to pay the tip when someone buys a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these aren’t really things. Eg washcloths are optional, as is tipping maids, and I have never heard of offering to pay the tip when someone buys a meal.

The cutting the persons face on the birthday cake was kind of odd too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.