Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

As I’ve gone through adulthood, I seem to encounter ways of doing things that aren’t even polite or fancy but just the basics that no one in my family of origin seemed to know about. Now I’m wondering what I might be missing as I raise my own child. What did you only find out about as an adult? (And thank you to all of my roommates over the years who helped raise me)

Some of my gaps:

-didn’t grow up using washcloths. We owned them but only because they came in sets of towels. I guess we just smeared soap around. I used to break out a lot and even developed cysts on the back of my thighs from clogged pores until I realized all of my roommates used them but me.

-not washing hands in the kitchen. We washed our hands after the bathroom or after coming in from outside in the laundry room sink. My mom doesn’t even have hand soap in her kitchen. She might rinse meat juices and stuff off her hands but otherwise she doesn’t wash her hands before prepping food. I only learned it was a thing from working at restaurants in high school.

DH’s gaps:

-didn’t grow up using napkins at the table. When I asked what he did if someone ate something messy, he said you’d grab a dish towel and then put it back!

-grew up washing everything all together in one load. Eventually everything looked pilled and gray regardless of original color or fabric. I intervened when we met in grad school because I couldn’t handle watching nice work pants get tossed in with linty towels and cleaning rags.

-didn’t know about mattress pads or pillow covers, so they get sweat-stained and grimy. Changing the sheets at his parents’ is a scary experience.

[Anonymous]

I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

[Anonymous]

Growing up, we did not wash hands after the bathroom (but did before food prep).
My parents were also not knowledgeable cooks (as in, no one taught them anythingbut casseroles) and would do stuff like put frozen meat on the grill.

DH didn't know to use a spray bottle when ironing, he would pour water out of a glass onto his shirts.

[Anonymous]

I don't use washcloths and have never had any issues with breakouts/clogged pores?


Mine was that I didn't know you were supposed to tip food delivery people. We never had food delivered growing up, so I didn't know that was a thing until I went to college. Sorry pizza guy that I stiffed freshman year!!!

[Anonymous]

I would have thought a dirty washcloth would be worse for breakouts? I have never used one and my skin has been fine

[Anonymous]

We didn't have a culture for really caring for animals. I had no idea. Like you feed them and put a flea collar on them and that was about it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know that if a slightly richer relative/friend etc. offered to pay for a casual meal, it's polite and appropriate to say, oh, let me get the tip and to have cash on hand for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know that if a slightly richer relative/friend etc. offered to pay for a casual meal, it's polite and appropriate to say, oh, let me get the tip and to have cash on hand for that.

It might be polite and appropriate, depending on the relationship. In general, though, no, it isn't polite or appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, we did not wash hands after the bathroom (but did before food prep).
My parents were also not knowledgeable cooks (as in, no one taught them anythingbut casseroles) and would do stuff like put frozen meat on the grill.

DH didn't know to use a spray bottle when ironing, he would pour water out of a glass onto his shirts.

OP and you’re describing what I think my family was like. It’s like we got 75% credit on everything. I’m charmed by your DH knowing that he was supposed to iron a shirt, actually trying, and then dumping water out onto it and not thinking to himself “hmm, this doesn’t seem right.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have thought a dirty washcloth would be worse for breakouts? I have never used one and my skin has been fine

You use a clean washcloth every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know that if a slightly richer relative/friend etc. offered to pay for a casual meal, it's polite and appropriate to say, oh, let me get the tip and to have cash on hand for that.

Wait that’s a thing? This is news to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know that if a slightly richer relative/friend etc. offered to pay for a casual meal, it's polite and appropriate to say, oh, let me get the tip and to have cash on hand for that.

Wait that’s a thing? This is news to me.

It's definitely a thing for my parents and their friends, and it's something my parents did try to teach me. If one pays the other always says, oh let me get the tip. Exactly phrased like that.

[Anonymous]

I never used washcloths and I’ve never had clogged pores.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t know how to clean a toilet

Also didn’t know about pillow covers or mattress pads

Unfamiliar with fresh fruit, such as kiwi

Had never known people who grew food so that blew my mind

Would not have known a good versus bad wine to save my life

So much more.

I assume it’s from neglectful parenting or perhaps lower SES or parent mental issues.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never used wash cloths and my skin is fine.

Right, I can relate to this post so much. Absent father, and mentally ill mother who didn’t teach us much of anything.

I was not taught:

To wash your hands after using the bathroom, or to wash your hands before preparing food. Gross combo, I know. Or I should say, I know that now. For a long time I didn’t.

To keep a clean house. For example, example, our bathtub was almost always dirty. I think my mom cleaned it maybe a few times a year. And she never taught us how to do it, or that it was important to do it.

What to wear. I wore a strapless dress to our homecoming dance one year without a bra, because I figured you just didn’t wear one if it was a strapless dress. I didn’t know there was even such a thing as a strapless bra and that’s what you were supposed to wear under a strapless dress. I danced a lot, and apparently a lot of people were laughing at me for weeks because of the bouncing. But what to wear in general was an issue as well. I remember one of my mother’s boyfriends took her to a wedding and she wore a denim skirt and a sweater, lol. And he was angry.

I was never taught much about hygiene. I was never taught to take my makeup off at night. I would just leave it on, and then put more on the next day. Fortunately, I’m genetically gifted with good skin, and it never had an effect. We never learned to floss our teeth, and only brushed our teeth once a day. We never took showers, and only took a bath about once a week at the most. Other kids made fun of me for being dirty and made fun of my greasy dirty hair.

Which brings me to the laundry. Most of my childhood I spent wearing dirty clothes. Because my mother said stuff didn’t need to be washed very often. I think my bed had the same sheets on it for months at a time.

I don’t know … I could probably write for days about this stuff.