Husband is furious at me for telling his mother to stop talking down to me at dinner

[Anonymous]

Divorce is the answer here OP. Marry an immigrant like yourself next time, if they'll have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of old people responded to this - it is not as if OP did this at a formal dinner royalty... she did this at a family dinner. Not a big deal at all, especially given that is the primary way she is connecting with her family on a holiday.

100% MIL and husband were inappropriate (and it is shocking how many others don't get this?)

+1. These same old lunatics don’t even care that psycho DH decided to spend NYE somewhere else over this silliness.

[Anonymous]

You guys are so gullible. OP can’t even keep her facts straight. She’s making most of it up and getting her jollies by playing the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are so gullible. OP can’t even keep her facts straight. She’s making most of it up and getting her jollies by playing the victim.

Yeah this story has chatgpt all over it

[Anonymous]

To be fair I would objectively say you both were in the wrong here - though your Mother-in-Law was much more so.

I think it is rude to bring your phone to the dining table > and even ruder to look at it while it is time to eat.
After all there is a time + a place for everything.

However your MIL was way out of line to talk down to you, especially in front of the entire family.
She should have spoken to just you directly alone afterward.

However she may be under a lot of tension due to your FIL’s condition so I would take that into account when evaluating what happened overall.

[Anonymous]

Divorce! Happy New Year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people on here are dinosaurs. Who cares in this day and age if someone checks their phone once during dinner? MIL is clearly old and losing it so she cares and its obvious the crazy posters here are exactly the same.

You sound poor and tacky. No phones are allowed at the table in my house or any of our friends’ houses. My teenage DD would never dream of doing this. It’s so sad that this is what we’ve become as a society. And people wonder why there are places like country clubs and private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have said: I totally agree with you! But this is different: as you know, my family lives abroad. I communicate with them through our family group chat. They all say hi and wish you and FIL happy new year. I told them your crab crakes are delicious! What is your secret ingredient?

Your MIL was rude to mention it. A gracious hostess does not chastise the guests. If she really said what you wrote above, it was over the top.

That said, I suspect you don’t know how hard it is to see your spouse decline and to be a caregiver. Despite her caregiver status, your MIL made you all a nice dinner and appetizers. That’s a lot of work she is doing during a stressful time.

You could have just said you are wishing your family far away a happy new year because you are not getting to see them in person. And then say you’re happy to be at her house and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Ah, but OP, in your original post, you said FIL was being berated for having trouble cutting his broccoli, not his meat.

It’s hard to keep the details straight when they are…fanciful…right??

Yup. I caught this, too. Plus, the OP is ALL over this thread with responses. That’s not typical behavior either. It’s a bored troll. I spend way too much time on DCUM and can see them from a mile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Ah, but OP, in your original post, you said FIL was being berated for having trouble cutting his broccoli, not his meat.

It’s hard to keep the details straight when they are…fanciful…right??

Yup. I caught this, too. Plus, the OP is ALL over this thread with responses. That’s not typical behavior either. It’s a bored troll. I spend way too much time on DCUM and can see them from a mile away.

+1. I skimmed the responses and wasn't surprised at all that it ended up here. Too many stupid details and the OP couldn't keep her story straight. Another fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of old people responded to this - it is not as if OP did this at a formal dinner royalty... she did this at a family dinner. Not a big deal at all, especially given that is the primary way she is connecting with her family on a holiday.

100% MIL and husband were inappropriate (and it is shocking how many others don't get this?)

+1

Those types of responses have been rampant over the past week. Disgruntled MIL types.

This was a casual dinner with ILs and frankly OP was kind to agree to this arrangement in the first place (not just dinner but staying the night even though they only live 20min away). Most spouses would not.

It’s understandable that OP also wanted to connect with her family on NYE particularly if they are in another time zone. The MIL has her son and DIL at her home, in person all evening- surely she can “share” a bit.

Much ado about nothing.

If I were OP I’d probably vaguely apologize to keep some sort of peace, but would definitely not ever spend NYE over there again. And back away and gray rock for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of old people responded to this - it is not as if OP did this at a formal dinner royalty... she did this at a family dinner. Not a big deal at all, especially given that is the primary way she is connecting with her family on a holiday.

100% MIL and husband were inappropriate (and it is shocking how many others don't get this?)

+1

Those types of responses have been rampant over the past week. Disgruntled MIL types.

This was a casual dinner with ILs and frankly OP was kind to agree to this arrangement in the first place (not just dinner but staying the night even though they only live 20min away). Most spouses would not.

It’s understandable that OP also wanted to connect with her family on NYE particularly if they are in another time zone. The MIL has her son and DIL at her home, in person all evening- surely she can “share” a bit.

Much ado about nothing.

If I were OP I’d probably vaguely apologize to keep some sort of peace, but would definitely not ever spend NYE over there again. And back away and gray rock for awhile.

Much ado about nothing b/c none of this ever happened.

[Anonymous]

20 mins away? That’s practically next door. We drive further to the grocery store.

I would have said, “well if you didn’t specifically request that we stay at your house for the entire evening then I’d just check my phone at home. It seems pretty unfair that you get your family here for the whole night and I’m not allowed to say hello to mine at all. Maybe next time we should just stay for an hour to say hello and then leave, and you won’t need to see me checking on my family.”

[Anonymous]

So your family is in another country… Who gives a F?! It’s still rude to check your phone at the table. Maybe they don’t teach manners in your country?

[Anonymous]

If you don’t have kids (sounds like you don’t), time for a divorce. Your husband is crazy over-dramatic and clearly gets it from MIL.