Husband dumping my milk

[Anonymous]

So as I understand it, you want him to keep any left over drips or drops from all the feeds until they add up to a full bottle and give it to the baby. As long as you aren’t upset if baby gets old milk as it could take awhile to get a full bottle from the leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the kind of thing that makes your crazy when you have a newborn, or in the first year, but you laugh about years later and can’t remember why you were so upset.

Obviously explain to him and ask him to care about your feelings but try to calm down too. Parenting a long journey.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a FTM to an adorable baby boy and have been blessed with a great supply. I’ve been storing the excess milk I make and we use a couple bags a week to keep the supply fresh. I found out today that my husband just dumps whatever he thinks we don’t need, what he doesn’t finish, and if he thinks he saved too much milk. He has been dumping a lot of milk down the drain and I’m furious with him. Is it reasonable to be this upset with him over milk?

Yes, I have three kids (youngest is almost 18 months and still nurses twice a day) and versions of this have happened to me. It has made me so angry. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, but he needs to ask yoy next time before throwing the milk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the in-between but your OP was perfectly clear to me. Baby currently eats about 2-3 oz. You would like DH to thaw 4, put 2-3 into the bottle, and leave the remainder in the fridge for the next bottle. He is thawing 4, feeding 4 and consistently tossing an ounce or two AT EACH FEED. He is also tossing an additional 1-3 ounces every night because he is only willing to freeze exactly 4 ounces and he refuses to just save the leftover for the next day.

20 ounces a week is a low estimate of how much is getting needlessly tossed and even at 20 ounces a week, most pumping moms would be furious. If he does anything other that immediately apologize, then you have a big problem. He does not want to be a parent. He views all child-related labor as your project and if he “helps” then he will do it however badly he wants.

I don’t think this is happening because she is breastfeeding the baby, then pumping. She seems to want to hoard tons of milk. And as a means to accumulate too large of a stash she is having DH feed him 1 bottle per day of the frozen milk. I don’t think she is exclusively pumping…it sounds like an oversupply issue and she wants to hoard milk

No. She is exclusively pumping. It is every bottle.

OP, did he apologize and get with the program or did he try to downplay and gaslight like all the witches of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

And OP I will add that I am a former NCS and I know multiple people (including one who was a lactation consultant herself!!!) who had a oversupply that they were never able to reduce outside of just stopping breastfeeding. It’s hard and exhausting and storing the extra milk so you can quit pumping sooner is an excellent solution. He is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

So how many feedings per day are you nursing? How many bottles per day? Are you pumping after every feed? It sounds like you are pumping too much and unnecessarily. You really don’t need a whole chest freezer full of milk if you are nursing. A somewhat separate issue from you DH, but related as you are overly invested in pumping and storing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

I hate people like you who think they know it all. Some women just naturally have an oversupply. Some women can’t stop pumping or just focus on nursing because their bodies and babies don’t work like that. Not every woman will have a perfect nursing journey.

I had an oversupply! I reduced by pumping less than not pumping at all. This was the advice of the internet and the LCs I consulted. It’s pretty standard, non-controversial advice.

Ok OP so you have to exclusively pump. I’d recommend not doing that and doing formula. I’m sure you’re not interested in that, so just pump less. You don’t need to pump so much you store milk. I do not know what you are so confident this won’t work when you haven’t tried it and it’s the standard advice for reducing oversupply. Of the two of us, I’m the only one has tried it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

I hate people like you who think they know it all. Some women just naturally have an oversupply. Some women can’t stop pumping or just focus on nursing because their bodies and babies don’t work like that. Not every woman will have a perfect nursing journey.

I had an oversupply! I reduced by pumping less than not pumping at all. This was the advice of the internet and the LCs I consulted. It’s pretty standard, non-controversial advice.

Ok OP so you have to exclusively pump. I’d recommend not doing that and doing formula. I’m sure you’re not interested in that, so just pump less. You don’t need to pump so much you store milk. I do not know what you are so confident this won’t work when you haven’t tried it and it’s the standard advice for reducing oversupply. Of the two of us, I’m the only one has tried it.

She isn’t exclusively pumping. She says upthread she is nursing AND pumping. I think she is pumping entirely too much though and that is contributing to her oversupply. She doesn’t need to do both to this extent.

[Anonymous]

Stop feeding the troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So as I understand it, you want him to keep any left over drips or drops from all the feeds until they add up to a full bottle and give it to the baby. As long as you aren’t upset if baby gets old milk as it could take awhile to get a full bottle from the leftovers.

I’m the original poster.

I would like him to fill the bottle to 2-3oz and save the last 1-2oz for the next feed instead of heating up all 4oz and tossing the 1-2oz from the bottle that he doesn’t finish. This happens for almost every feeding. Fresh or frozen. We do use frozen once a day but the rest is pumped fresh. No need to waste all that milk.

I want him to fresh the extra 2-3oz at the end of the day instead of tossing it because it didn’t make a 4oz bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the in-between but your OP was perfectly clear to me. Baby currently eats about 2-3 oz. You would like DH to thaw 4, put 2-3 into the bottle, and leave the remainder in the fridge for the next bottle. He is thawing 4, feeding 4 and consistently tossing an ounce or two AT EACH FEED. He is also tossing an additional 1-3 ounces every night because he is only willing to freeze exactly 4 ounces and he refuses to just save the leftover for the next day.

20 ounces a week is a low estimate of how much is getting needlessly tossed and even at 20 ounces a week, most pumping moms would be furious. If he does anything other that immediately apologize, then you have a big problem. He does not want to be a parent. He views all child-related labor as your project and if he “helps” then he will do it however badly he wants.

I don’t think this is happening because she is breastfeeding the baby, then pumping. She seems to want to hoard tons of milk. And as a means to accumulate too large of a stash she is having DH feed him 1 bottle per day of the frozen milk. I don’t think she is exclusively pumping…it sounds like an oversupply issue and she wants to hoard milk

No. She is exclusively pumping. It is every bottle.

OP, did he apologize and get with the program or did he try to downplay and gaslight like all the witches of DCUM?

I’m the original poster.

He has apologized but insists his way is better and right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

So how many feedings per day are you nursing? How many bottles per day? Are you pumping after every feed? It sounds like you are pumping too much and unnecessarily. You really don’t need a whole chest freezer full of milk if you are nursing. A somewhat separate issue from you DH, but related as you are overly invested in pumping and storing.

I’m the original poster.

It’s hard to fully say because he sometimes feeds every hour or feeds every 3 hours. We average 10-12 feeds a day. He gets a bottle for all feedings. I nurse before 2-3 feedings but he doesn’t get enough and needs a bottle.

I pump every 3-4 hours. About 6-8 times a day. That’s pretty average at 5 weeks. I get anywhere from 3-8oz per pump. I average 40-48oz a day. He’s eating roughly 28oz a day. I can’t go past 4 hours or I will get a clogged duct and it becomes very painful. I’ve had this kind of supply since my milk came in. I don’t take supplements or eat anything special. I’ve pumped every 3 hours at first for the first 3 weeks and my supply just came in like this. Now I go every 3-4 hours.


My intention wasn’t to build a freezer stash. Now I see it as a waste to not store the milk I spend my hard time making.

We might make breastfeeding work so I’m going to keep pumping until I know if that’s possible. If not, I will most likely quit pumping around 4 months when I go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

I hate people like you who think they know it all. Some women just naturally have an oversupply. Some women can’t stop pumping or just focus on nursing because their bodies and babies don’t work like that. Not every woman will have a perfect nursing journey.

I had an oversupply! I reduced by pumping less than not pumping at all. This was the advice of the internet and the LCs I consulted. It’s pretty standard, non-controversial advice.

Ok OP so you have to exclusively pump. I’d recommend not doing that and doing formula. I’m sure you’re not interested in that, so just pump less. You don’t need to pump so much you store milk. I do not know what you are so confident this won’t work when you haven’t tried it and it’s the standard advice for reducing oversupply. Of the two of us, I’m the only one has tried it.

I’m the original poster.

I disrespect but I didn’t come on here to ask about supply and how to reduce it.

I pump between 10-30 minutes depending on the day. Not emptying has left me with on the verge of mastitis so I don’t really want to do that.

The benefits of breast milk during this time are important so I choose to pump my over giving formula. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

I’m hoping to nurse exclusively or mostly at some point but I will pump until then.