Husband dumping my milk

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the kid will soon enough be eating 4+ ounces at a time and this little issue will be yesterday's news.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are understandable. You made it. You want your baby to benefit from it. But as long as you are making enough to keep up, it seems like worrying about “leftovers” is more emotion-based than substantive. That said, you should let your husband know that you’d like to build a larger reserve. Toward that end, freezing smaller portions that will not yield excess seems a good idea. And once you’ve thawed the milk and fed part of it, it probably is better not to re-serve the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are understandable. You made it. You want your baby to benefit from it. But as long as you are making enough to keep up, it seems like worrying about “leftovers” is more emotion-based than substantive. That said, you should let your husband know that you’d like to build a larger reserve. Toward that end, freezing smaller portions that will not yield excess seems a good idea. And once you’ve thawed the milk and fed part of it, it probably is better not to re-serve the rest.

I’m the original poster. It’s not just emotions. I put a lot of hard work into pumping. It’s a FT job. It’s hard work and I want to save as much as I can before while I have the supply.

The thawed milk is annoying but the excess milk at night really is what irks me. Throwing away 3oz of milk because it’s not 4oz for freezing is not okay with me. That’s a whole feeding right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would lose my shit utterly.

Didn't you mean "udderly"?

[Anonymous]

this brings back angry memories from my last child - my nanny was throwing away the milk i pumped because it was more convenient for her to use formula she could mix at the park and hang with her friends and not come back to the house to use the milk. My husband worked from home and didn't tell her not to do it. still makes me so mad 15 years later

[Anonymous]

Enraging. I don’t think people can understand if they didn’t have to pump a lot/exclusively for a significant length of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here.

- He’s been throwing out thawed milk. Our baby drinks 2-3oz per feeding and I save milk in 4oz portions to get as much use out of freezer bags. He will thaw the 4oz and feed the entire amount and dump the rest he doesn’t eat. I would prefer that he fill the bottle to 2-3oz and save the rest for another feed.

- I let him handle storing milk and washing. He will freeze at night what wasn’t consumed in the last 24 hours. He fills as many 4oz bags as possible but tosses the rest of the milk if it’s not enough to fill a 4oz bag. I’ve calculated all this and he’s been dumping 20+ ounces a week down the drain.

After reading this description, I think you are overreacting. I thought he was throwing out bottles of milk, not leftover ounces. Since you are blessed with an oversupply, it really isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here.

- He’s been throwing out thawed milk. Our baby drinks 2-3oz per feeding and I save milk in 4oz portions to get as much use out of freezer bags. He will thaw the 4oz and feed the entire amount and dump the rest he doesn’t eat. I would prefer that he fill the bottle to 2-3oz and save the rest for another feed.

- I let him handle storing milk and washing. He will freeze at night what wasn’t consumed in the last 24 hours. He fills as many 4oz bags as possible but tosses the rest of the milk if it’s not enough to fill a 4oz bag. I’ve calculated all this and he’s been dumping 20+ ounces a week down the drain.

After reading this description, I think you are overreacting. I thought he was throwing out bottles of milk, not leftover ounces. Since you are blessed with an oversupply, it really isn't a big deal.

I’m the original poster.

He is throwing out bottles. He bags all the milk after 24 hours to freeze. If he comes shy of 4oz after filling up all other bags, he will toss the milk. That’s 2-3oz a day. That adds up.

Even 2-3oz a day is enraging because it’s perfectly good milk and could just be put back in the fridge or frozen on its own.

He thinks freezing less than 4oz isn’t smart. He also doesn’t keep milk in the fridge for more than 24 hours before he freezes or dumps even though it’s safe for 4 days. Any leftover milk drank from the bottle is tossed in 30 minutes.

One time we fought because I accidentally fell asleep and left my pumped milk out instead of immediately putting it in the fridge. He dumped 12oz of milk because it was left at room temp for a little over 1 hour.

I like to save milk for baths or just to have on hand for anything but he tosses anything he deems “ unsafe”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

[Anonymous]

Go on Amazon and buy 100s of 4 oz bags. No need to use as few as possible. 2 oz in some, 3 in some, whatever floats your boats. Thaw 3 ox, 2 2 oz, whatever. You are making crazy land for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here.

- He’s been throwing out thawed milk. Our baby drinks 2-3oz per feeding and I save milk in 4oz portions to get as much use out of freezer bags. He will thaw the 4oz and feed the entire amount and dump the rest he doesn’t eat. I would prefer that he fill the bottle to 2-3oz and save the rest for another feed.

- I let him handle storing milk and washing. He will freeze at night what wasn’t consumed in the last 24 hours. He fills as many 4oz bags as possible but tosses the rest of the milk if it’s not enough to fill a 4oz bag. I’ve calculated all this and he’s been dumping 20+ ounces a week down the drain.

After reading this description, I think you are overreacting. I thought he was throwing out bottles of milk, not leftover ounces. Since you are blessed with an oversupply, it really isn't a big deal.

I’m the original poster.

He is throwing out bottles. He bags all the milk after 24 hours to freeze. If he comes shy of 4oz after filling up all other bags, he will toss the milk. That’s 2-3oz a day. That adds up.

Even 2-3oz a day is enraging because it’s perfectly good milk and could just be put back in the fridge or frozen on its own.

He thinks freezing less than 4oz isn’t smart. He also doesn’t keep milk in the fridge for more than 24 hours before he freezes or dumps even though it’s safe for 4 days. Any leftover milk drank from the bottle is tossed in 30 minutes.

One time we fought because I accidentally fell asleep and left my pumped milk out instead of immediately putting it in the fridge. He dumped 12oz of milk because it was left at room temp for a little over 1 hour.

I like to save milk for baths or just to have on hand for anything but he tosses anything he deems “ unsafe”.

I am guessing you are a first time mom. I was crazy about milk when I was a first time mom, too. Unlike you, I did not have an oversupply, so every ounce really did count, and I would have to wake up twice in the middle of the night because that's when I could pump the most milk, plus I had to use nipple shields to nurse, and it was just horrible. I deeply, deeply, deeply regret focusing on feeding my child rather than focusing on my actual child and my own personal well being. I'm sure my anxiety stemmed from lack of sleep and anxiety bred more anxiety. With my second child, I had to supplement from the outset and then was forced to switch to 100% formula when I had to take some medication that was not compatible with breastfeeding. I felt so much better, my husband was less miserable because I was less miserable and I was able to focus on my children and my health. Oh, and by the way, the mostly formula fed child is the one that's testing well, has better grades, is more active in multiple sports, etc., so there go all those theories about breast is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would lose my shit utterly.

If it was a stupid, thoughtless act, I tried reeeeaaaallllly hard to not completely lose it.

If I told him to never do it again and he did, I would absolutely lose my shit. I’d have a hard time getting over that for a really long time.

[Anonymous]

I would kill him.