Husband dumping my milk

[Anonymous]

you are a woman or identify as that?

[Anonymous]

I’m the original poster.

I’m a biological woman with this real problem. I’m not a troll or have some odd fetish. I’m not sock puppeting either.

I have addressed myself as such because how else will others know if it’s me posting?

Maybe this all doesn’t matter and I’m being dramatic. It won’t matter in the long run but that doesn’t calm my emotions now. The point is that it matters to me, regardless of how much excess I pump in a day. Yes, I’m surprised because I thought I would get way more support and some solutions by posting here. I was wrong and ridiculed for simply being upset over a situation that is upsetting to me. I will not ask again since this place isn’t very friendly or helpful.

[Anonymous]

After reading this description, I think you are overreacting. I thought he was throwing out bottles of milk, not leftover ounces. Since you are blessed with an oversupply, it really isn't a big deal.

Nope. Not it. If something happens to her supply or she wants to cut down on pumping later on this year, he’s taking away her flexibility to do so. Time is money, and he’s flippantly wasting her time invested which is one of the rudest things I can think of someone doing to me.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the in-between but your OP was perfectly clear to me. Baby currently eats about 2-3 oz. You would like DH to thaw 4, put 2-3 into the bottle, and leave the remainder in the fridge for the next bottle. He is thawing 4, feeding 4 and consistently tossing an ounce or two AT EACH FEED. He is also tossing an additional 1-3 ounces every night because he is only willing to freeze exactly 4 ounces and he refuses to just save the leftover for the next day.

20 ounces a week is a low estimate of how much is getting needlessly tossed and even at 20 ounces a week, most pumping moms would be furious. If he does anything other that immediately apologize, then you have a big problem. He does not want to be a parent. He views all child-related labor as your project and if he “helps” then he will do it however badly he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the in-between but your OP was perfectly clear to me. Baby currently eats about 2-3 oz. You would like DH to thaw 4, put 2-3 into the bottle, and leave the remainder in the fridge for the next bottle. He is thawing 4, feeding 4 and consistently tossing an ounce or two AT EACH FEED. He is also tossing an additional 1-3 ounces every night because he is only willing to freeze exactly 4 ounces and he refuses to just save the leftover for the next day.

20 ounces a week is a low estimate of how much is getting needlessly tossed and even at 20 ounces a week, most pumping moms would be furious. If he does anything other that immediately apologize, then you have a big problem. He does not want to be a parent. He views all child-related labor as your project and if he “helps” then he will do it however badly he wants.

I don’t think this is happening because she is breastfeeding the baby, then pumping. She seems to want to hoard tons of milk. And as a means to accumulate too large of a stash she is having DH feed him 1 bottle per day of the frozen milk. I don’t think she is exclusively pumping…it sounds like an oversupply issue and she wants to hoard milk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enraging. I don’t think people can understand if they didn’t have to pump a lot/exclusively for a significant length of time.

+1

The effort/time/discomfort/energy is completely disregarded by him.

Not to mention the money you’re saving by not buying formula! Because you’re putting so much time in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Long time ago but I thought if the baby drank a bottle, the left over needed to be thrown out. I would lose my mind if DH randomly started throwing out the milk I had saved if that milk had not been defrosted and used in a bottle.

+1
If the milk has already been thawed and partially consumed by the baby, I don't think there's any good way to save the rest. Once it has been exposed to the baby's saliva, it probably only has about an hour of life before it needs to be tossed.

I believe that’s correct. You have an hour from when you start the bottle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Long time ago but I thought if the baby drank a bottle, the left over needed to be thrown out. I would lose my mind if DH randomly started throwing out the milk I had saved if that milk had not been defrosted and used in a bottle.

+1
If the milk has already been thawed and partially consumed by the baby, I don't think there's any good way to save the rest. Once it has been exposed to the baby's saliva, it probably only has about an hour of life before it needs to be tossed.

It's two hours for breast milk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Original Poster here.

- He’s been throwing out thawed milk. Our baby drinks 2-3oz per feeding and I save milk in 4oz portions to get as much use out of freezer bags. He will thaw the 4oz and feed the entire amount and dump the rest he doesn’t eat. I would prefer that he fill the bottle to 2-3oz and save the rest for another feed.

- I let him handle storing milk and washing. He will freeze at night what wasn’t consumed in the last 24 hours. He fills as many 4oz bags as possible but tosses the rest of the milk if it’s not enough to fill a 4oz bag. I’ve calculated all this and he’s been dumping 20+ ounces a week down the drain.

Original Poster here.

I now need to add this back to my responsibilities because I can’t trust that he won’t toss my milk again. I’ve probably lost 100 ounces or something already.

Yesterday is when I noticed what was happening because I happened to be in the room when he was storing the milk. Yesterday he dumped 5oz from the thawed milk and milk I pumped. This has been going on since the first week home.

None of this sounds as bad as what you said in the OP. You should probably take a step back and reevaluate. It doesn’t sound like he was just purposefully dumping good milk.

Just explain to him how you would like it done going forward and move on.

It is Good milk! Apparent from all of these responses that most of these posters don't f****** understand breastfeeding or pumping or anything that goes along with it and I think that anyone who does it is f****** insane so just know your audience OP.
Also if your child is under the age of 6 weeks you're oversupply could stop if your supply hasn't regulated not everybody who starts off with an oversupply keeps their oversupply.
If I were you I would let the excess from the bottles that's been fed go which it seems like you're okay with doing. Everything else is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the in-between but your OP was perfectly clear to me. Baby currently eats about 2-3 oz. You would like DH to thaw 4, put 2-3 into the bottle, and leave the remainder in the fridge for the next bottle. He is thawing 4, feeding 4 and consistently tossing an ounce or two AT EACH FEED. He is also tossing an additional 1-3 ounces every night because he is only willing to freeze exactly 4 ounces and he refuses to just save the leftover for the next day.

20 ounces a week is a low estimate of how much is getting needlessly tossed and even at 20 ounces a week, most pumping moms would be furious. If he does anything other that immediately apologize, then you have a big problem. He does not want to be a parent. He views all child-related labor as your project and if he “helps” then he will do it however badly he wants.

I don’t think this is happening because she is breastfeeding the baby, then pumping. She seems to want to hoard tons of milk. And as a means to accumulate too large of a stash she is having DH feed him 1 bottle per day of the frozen milk. I don’t think she is exclusively pumping…it sounds like an oversupply issue and she wants to hoard milk

I’m the original poster.

I have had an oversupply from the start but you’re wrong about feeding. We are mostly pumping and bottle feeding. I work on nursing but that happens only a couple of times a day and he doesn’t actually eat all that much. He gets almost his nourishment from a bottle.

That’s why I said the excess milk from the bottle adds up. It could be used for the next feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the original poster.

I’m a biological woman with this real problem. I’m not a troll or have some odd fetish. I’m not sock puppeting either.

I have addressed myself as such because how else will others know if it’s me posting?

Maybe this all doesn’t matter and I’m being dramatic. It won’t matter in the long run but that doesn’t calm my emotions now. The point is that it matters to me, regardless of how much excess I pump in a day. Yes, I’m surprised because I thought I would get way more support and some solutions by posting here. I was wrong and ridiculed for simply being upset over a situation that is upsetting to me. I will not ask again since this place isn’t very friendly or helpful.

Only feelings matter not logic and facts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

I’m the original poster.

You don’t know my situation. You’re making a lot of assumptions. I have to pump because my son doesn’t breastfeed. We are working on it with a lactation consultant and an oral surgeon. I don’t purposely create an oversupply. I’ve had a lot of milk since it came in. The lactation consultant said some women just make more milk than other women.


You will probably just again say “ stop pumping and nurse”. He would literally starve if he didn’t get a bottle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why I think pumping and so much about breastfeeding are a nightmare, and I will never do it again. Formula is a miracle.

OP, I pumped exclusively for 6 weeks with my first because she couldn’t latch, had an oversupply like you and saved a bunch of milk. Then for various reasons I combo fed, and long story short breastfed that baby for 2.5 years. So please don’t dismiss what I’m saying as coming from someone who doesn’t get it.

It’s just milk. It is 10000% not worth stressing over. I agree that pumping takes so much physical effort and time so your husband’s actions seem callous and maddening. But instead of getting mad I think you should stop subjecting yourself to the totally unnecessary torture of pumping. Don’t do this to yourself. There’s no benefit. I’m combo feeding my second and pumping zero.

I’m the original poster. I nurse and pump. We are actively working on nursing with an expert. I still have excess milk I would pump if I were 100% nursing.

What “expert”? If you stop pumping, you will produce less. That’s how you control and reduce oversupply. You do NOT need to pump. You are pumping because you want to store milk. You do not need to do that. Stop doing that.

I hate people like you who think they know it all. Some women just naturally have an oversupply. Some women can’t stop pumping or just focus on nursing because their bodies and babies don’t work like that. Not every woman will have a perfect nursing journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the original poster.

I’m a biological woman with this real problem. I’m not a troll or have some odd fetish. I’m not sock puppeting either.

I have addressed myself as such because how else will others know if it’s me posting?

Maybe this all doesn’t matter and I’m being dramatic. It won’t matter in the long run but that doesn’t calm my emotions now. The point is that it matters to me, regardless of how much excess I pump in a day. Yes, I’m surprised because I thought I would get way more support and some solutions by posting here. I was wrong and ridiculed for simply being upset over a situation that is upsetting to me. I will not ask again since this place isn’t very friendly or helpful.

Only feelings matter not logic and facts?

You haven’t stated any logic or facts.