ED really has to go!

[Anonymous]

OP, you say your kid attends a high FARMS school. So let's say she gets in, are you guys prepared to pay full freight? That's what I hate about ED. You basically show your hand. If you guys are low income and she does get into her ED school hopefully there will be lots is grant and merit money. But if you're solidly middle class, I'm not sure you'll get significant help. Depending on your situation, her getting rejects might be a good thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- I'm sorry this is happening. These kids have worked so hard and it's nerve wracking. College is a huge decision and it can provoke a lot of anxiety. It sounds like your DD is a high achiever.
My DS is fixated on a school (EA) right now too- it's a bit of longshot and I'm concerned that he'll be upset and a little bitter if he doesn't get in. He's worked very hard. We gave all the right messages, cast a wide net, did the right things, but it's human to want something.
Let us know how it works out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter ready to move away from home and deal with the pressure at an elite school. I'd be worried that she had a "melt down" over a kid commenting that nobody gets in from your HS. that's not even a personal comment, just about the school. Or that your DD said she had a "list" when her list was one school?

maybe if she doesnt get in, a gap year makes sense. tons of scholarships for those

[Anonymous]

one productive thing you could do while you wait for the news is draw up a list of schools like Duke. with similar programing or located in same area or same sports system or whatever that one thing is she thinks Duke has and not one of the 4000 other colleges in america don't have. hopefully, you won't need to use the list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has zero to do with ED, your kid would not be reacting any different with an RD decision to this college. It sounds like she has anxiety and would benefit from some therapy to address that.

+100
This meltdown is not the fault of ED. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

My daughter didn't get into her ED school. She knew it was a longshot and other than a deep sigh when she got the rejection letter, she just shrugged and moved on with her life. The hysteria is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that this is an ED issue. Yes, she would be very bummed RD, but she'd have other schools sending news simultaneously. She'd be able to pivot much more quickly. ED rejections make kids wallow in the disappointment for months.

Have you not been through this before? This just isn't true.
My kid had 2 offers from EA applications before last Friday when his ED offer came out at 5pm. And, two other EA offers at 6pm that same night! Wallowing for months? NO.
In fact, I feel like the turnaround to submit RD, if he had been rejected from his ED, is so tight. Keeps these kids moving forward with little time to wallow.

[Anonymous]

Op, your unwillingness to recognize your dd’s overreaction here, and attempts to paint her a victim are a big part of her inability to regulate her emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This ins't because of ED. If she applied RD she'd feel the same way.

No, it's ED. Kids at our HS are seeing kids get into some of the schools and they are rejected or deferred (where they will probably be rejected). But now they have to wait for the second round of considerations if deferred. And then you're stuck full pay or whatever meager package they give. So ED def benefits those with money.

I say this as someone whose kid is already in college and did so via ED.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why you were unaware of lack of list.

I had discussions w my kids about lists mostly bcs I had to run the NPC on each one and think about the financial side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry your daughter and you got bad news. It sucks.

Except they haven’t even gotten bad news as the ED admissions decision hasn’t been released yet (per OP’s post). This is all anticipatory catastrophizing, which is incredibly unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your unwillingness to recognize your dd’s overreaction here, and attempts to paint her a victim are a big part of her inability to regulate her emotions.

Yep. I was thinking the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my DD applied to her dream school. For the past couple of years we've been downplaying this school and hyping up some more reasonable schools. We even toured a few and she claimed how much she liked them. She assured us that she would be fine if she didn't win the ED lottery. Anytime I would mention another school she would quickly shut me down and tell me she has her list and she is good with it.
Part of me always thought she was blowing smoke to get us to back off and i was right.
ED school is announcing today and just got a call from her counselor that she is having a melt down at school triggered by a friend of hers who told her that this school will never accept someone from our high school. Our HS does not have the greatest reputation and although there have been a small handful of kids getting into top 10/Ivy - level schools - its few and far between.
So this comment was the straw that broke her back. The counselor told me that Dd unloaded on her and how hard she has worked (very true) to get straight As and take many AP classes (very true). Our school doesnt rank but she would definitely be top 5. The time she put into her ECs and building relationships with her teachers..... She kept telling me that she was doing all of this because she liked doing this but it turns out, it was because she wants this school this bad.
i am furious at the ED system for the torture this process causes for so many families. I thought it was terrible they announced hen results will come out so everyone can be on pins and needles for days. And why do schools announce before the holidays....similar to how companies announce layoffs before holidays...to ruin them?
And now, with this phone call, I am upset and having trouble focusing on my job.
Yes - I am going off here and mostly because I am her mom and believed her when she said she wouldn't care about not getting into this school. I should have known better.
Counselor said she calmed down and will be staying at school, but I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation when we all get home this afternoon and when we get the decision. This really really sucks.

So just because your kid had unrealistic expectations an application process needs to go away? What?!

Teach your kid some resilience. She will be fine.

And yes, it’s true that some high schools are never sending students to some of the most selective schools for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This ins't because of ED. If she applied RD she'd feel the same way.

No, it's ED. Kids at our HS are seeing kids get into some of the schools and they are rejected or deferred (where they will probably be rejected). But now they have to wait for the second round of considerations if deferred. And then you're stuck full pay or whatever meager package they give. So ED def benefits those with money.

I say this as someone whose kid is already in college and did so via ED.

Didn’t you run the NPC before you applied? Then there should be no getting “stuck”.

[Anonymous]

Op—did she get in?