What do you think about family members who override a deceased person's wishes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For instance, a person writes in their will that they want to be buried in a certain cemetery, pays the cemetery in advance for the spot and for employees to handle the body after death. Yet after the person dies their family try to override their wishes and bury the person in a different cemetery against their wishes.

Another example would be a family having a religious funeral for a staunch atheist.

It doesn't matter to dead person where they are stuck after death or how it was performed. God isn't going to judge them for other people's actions nor inform them how their last rituals were conducted. I would rather alive people be comfortable and have peace instead of following my dictation.

[Anonymous]

My dad has his headstone already in place in the cemetery next to the church in the "town" (two taverns and the church) in Wisconsin where he lived until he was 13 but never got over missing--he had a summer home there for a couple of decades until the drive got too long and too many older relatives had passed away. My mom definitely doesn't want to be buried there, but I don't think she or any of the rest of us would go against his wishes. But nobody is going to visit there either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought the executor of a person's last will and testament had to do as the will statedl. When my FIL died he also put in his will that he wanted to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery but as only one of his children lived in this area the executor of his will had to go to court to get permission to bury him in a family cemetery.

That is so sad! Why wouldn’t they honor that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather buried my grandmother even though she asked to be cremated. He was upset at the thought and “couldn’t” do it. My mom always felt bad that she didn’t push harder.

OMG this is so awful! I would come back to haunt him, if he stuck me in a box in the ground.

[Anonymous]

To those who don't like cremation because there's no place to lay flowers, several in my in-laws family have had their cremains buried in a small plot with a flat headstone. It's nice because they still get a final resting place you can visit but the cost is less and you can put more family members together in a smaller space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL did not want a Catholic funeral, he predeceased my MIL and she was suffering from moderate dementia at the time. She insisted on a full Catholic Mass. Their children really didn’t care. So, they had it. A funeral is for the living.

When she died, they did a full Catholic Mass for her too. The priest was visibly disappointed when none of the immediate family nor their children took communion as none are Catholic anymore.

As a former Catholic I find this terrible. People who don’t respect the last wishes of a person are awful people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's too complicated, I'm not doing it. I will let you die thinking I'm doing it, if that gives you comfort, but I'm not doing it.

Well aren’t you a peach. 🍑

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those who don't like cremation because there's no place to lay flowers, several in my in-laws family have had their cremains buried in a small plot with a flat headstone. It's nice because they still get a final resting place you can visit but the cost is less and you can put more family members together in a smaller space.

My Dad is interred in the columbarium at St. Alban's, right next to the playground where the daycare children play. That appeals to me, to hear their happy voices and be in a place filled with joy, and it's easy to put a vase of flowers there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s perfectly fine. Once you are dead nothing matters to you and it’s up to the living to deal with your passing however is best for them.

I think you are selfish. If someone took the time to plan a will and a burial, those desires should be honored.

Obviously if it’s no problem for me to carry out their plan then I am going to do it.

But it seems to me the very premise is that for some reason I don’t want to do whatever their plan is — whether it’s hiking a 10,000 ft mountain to spread their ashes, or holding a Catholic mass, or forgoing any religious service at all.

And if those things would be difficult for me it seems a little crazy to me that if there is a conflict between the person who is alive but in mourning and the person who is dead and gone the latter’s wishes should have more weight. I mean they are dead and gone— why on earth would it matter to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s perfectly fine. Once you are dead nothing matters to you and it’s up to the living to deal with your passing however is best for them.

Depends. If it's paid ahead of time that's fine. Otherwise, yes it's up to the current spouse if there is one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather buried my grandmother even though she asked to be cremated. He was upset at the thought and “couldn’t” do it. My mom always felt bad that she didn’t push harder.

OMG this is so awful! I would come back to haunt him, if he stuck me in a box in the ground.

This is my worst nightmare!
My aunt wants to be cremated and sprinkled in the same spot where her parents were sprinkled (a scenic place that has a sentimental meaning to our family) and my uncle said he was going to BURY her in his family cemetery next to him and his PARENTS! She got it in writing from her children that they would not allow this. Uncle said "Don't you want to be near me in eternity?" "NO."
Already told husband that if he buries me in his family's cemetery I will haunt him. I want to be sprinkled with my birth family as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL did not want a Catholic funeral, he predeceased my MIL and she was suffering from moderate dementia at the time. She insisted on a full Catholic Mass. Their children really didn’t care. So, they had it. A funeral is for the living.

When she died, they did a full Catholic Mass for her too. The priest was visibly disappointed when none of the immediate family nor their children took communion as none are Catholic anymore.

As a former Catholic I find this terrible. People who don’t respect the last wishes of a person are awful people.

Personally, I put a lot more stock in how family members cared for someone when they were alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For instance, a person writes in their will that they want to be buried in a certain cemetery, pays the cemetery in advance for the spot and for employees to handle the body after death. Yet after the person dies their family try to override their wishes and bury the person in a different cemetery against their wishes.

Another example would be a family having a religious funeral for a staunch atheist.

It doesn't matter to dead person where they are stuck after death or how it was performed. God isn't going to judge them for other people's actions nor inform them how their last rituals were conducted. I would rather alive people be comfortable and have peace instead of following my dictation.

In some religions the time and manner of disposition are extremely important.