What do you think about family members who override a deceased person's wishes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's too complicated, I'm not doing it. I will let you die thinking I'm doing it, if that gives you comfort, but I'm not doing it.

This

[Anonymous]

Eh, this was me and my siblings, and I don't feel the tiniest bit bad about it.

Parents pre-purchased plots at the DC cemetery where their parents are buried, but at the last minute, my dad decided he wanted to be buried at Arlington. My mom suffered from dementia and as she neared the end herself, got nervous about switching to Arlington, even though she missed her late husband terribly. We felt bad overriding her wishes, but couldn't imagine not burying them together. I remember the hospice nurse reassuring us that we shouldn't feel guilty about doing what was best for those still living. So Arlington it was.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how people reconcile "they're dead, they don't know" with "We wanted them near us"

(I do understand "They're dead and what they wanted was a hassle, so we didn't")

[Anonymous]

I don't have anyone in the family who has said that they want and I don't know anyone who would change that or complicate things. We all are going to be in a jar and will probably have doordash bring the urn to us.
We may keep the ashes or pour them under a tree and recycle the bucket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible. There is no worse person than this.

You sound like you have a lot perspective, empathy and emotional maturity . Good luck to you. I hope you learn grace, appreciation and humility and I hope your kids don't have to deal with many years of your decline and illness, only to have a long list of requests post humus.

[Anonymous]

I live in Pittsburgh and someone scattered ashes of a loved one at the Steeler game a few years ago. Not permitted to do that and I think scatter-er was fined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how people reconcile "they're dead, they don't know" with "We wanted them near us"

(I do understand "They're dead and what they wanted was a hassle, so we didn't")

Eh, if you feel some deep-seated obligation to visit/maintain graves (and I am not really one of those people, but I get it), wanting someone buried nearby doesn't seem too hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought the executor of a person's last will and testament had to do as the will statedl. When my FIL died he also put in his will that he wanted to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery but as only one of his children lived in this area the executor of his will had to go to court to get permission to bury him in a family cemetery.

I though the only part of a will that has to be honored is the disbursement of the estate. A person can put burial wishes in their will but I don't think there's a legal obligation to honor them. I don't know how this plays out if the burial and funeral are pre-paid.

It isn't so much as there's any legal obligation is that most people don't even look at the will until the person has died. You generally should have a separate document listing out final instructions for your funeral.

[Anonymous]

When MIL died, my SIL had to have her cremated against her wishes, as that was the easiest way to transport her to where she wanted to be buried.

A year later, I was talking to a medium about my dad, and my MIL came through and said,
"Tell SIL it's okay about the funeral/burial."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When MIL died, my SIL had to have her cremated against her wishes, as that was the easiest way to transport her to where she wanted to be buried.

A year later, I was talking to a medium about my dad, and my MIL came through and said,
"Tell SIL it's okay about the funeral/burial."

Do you actually think this was a message from the beyond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone we know died recently. The family completely disregarded something they had specifically said to not do. I can’t say into details - too identifying. I was frustrated for the deceased. I had heard them say they didn’t want X done over and over for the whole time I knew them.

Not to be insensitive, but on the other hand . . . they're dead. And don't know.

If I leave any post-death instructions, they'll be for the ease and convenience of my friends and family. If there is something different they'd prefer, or would be easier, or would give them comfort, they're free to change whatever they want. Because again . . . I'll be dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When MIL died, my SIL had to have her cremated against her wishes, as that was the easiest way to transport her to where she wanted to be buried.

A year later, I was talking to a medium about my dad, and my MIL came through and said,
"Tell SIL it's okay about the funeral/burial."

Do you actually think this was a message from the beyond?

Do you think it was a message from the beyoncé?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When MIL died, my SIL had to have her cremated against her wishes, as that was the easiest way to transport her to where she wanted to be buried.

A year later, I was talking to a medium about my dad, and my MIL came through and said,
"Tell SIL it's okay about the funeral/burial."

Do you actually think this was a message from the beyond?

🤷‍♀️ who knows. I didn't even know about the discrepancy in funeral arrangements. DH told me after I shared the message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's too complicated, I'm not doing it. I will let you die thinking I'm doing it, if that gives you comfort, but I'm not doing it.

Too complicated and too costly or not prepped for= No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in Pittsburgh and someone scattered ashes of a loved one at the Steeler game a few years ago. Not permitted to do that and I think scatter-er was fined.

Oh man, all over the stands and people? Or like chucked it on the field? Lol