Losing weight: the difference in treatment is profound

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

Interesting. Majority of men would prefer a size 6 over a size 2

There is literally no difference, have you checked waist measurement between size 2 pants and size 6 pants? 5 inch tops.

As someone who went from size 2 to 6 and was shocked by how much attention I received, I say that the other PP is right and you are wrong.

It depends on how you carry your weight. I am normally a very fit size 2 and get plenty of attention at that size. At size 6 I get pudgy around the midsection and rarely noticed.

+1 Pear/hourglass shapes have more flexibility. They can still look attractive with an extra 10-20 lbs. Moreso than apple/inverted shapes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

It’s not even fat phobia though. I went from a size 4/6 to a 0/00. So I was never fat but I still saw changes in treatment. Tiny things like shopping clerks offering assistance, people moving aside for me on transit, more smiles and eye contact from people walking by.

I think I looked “dumpier” when I was larger. My clothes hung differently, I looked less neat even in the same outfit. People seemed to pick up on that. Kind of like how a woman with coordinated accessories and a manicure will be treated differently from a woman in a holey tee and no makeup.

This posts illustrates why there is a psychological component. There is 0% chance that the world saw you differently and dumpier at a size 4.

I lost the weight because of a deep, deep depressive episode. I was walking around with suicidal thoughts, so I promise there was no extra bounce in my step. No glow of confidence. Even though I was a downcast shell of person, people were nicer to me.

There could be a whole host of reasons you were treated differently. But I don't think it was about "larger" size. I put larger in quotes because it is pretty crazy to be discussing a size 4 as large.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Didn't realize it but this does hit the nail on the head. As a shorter woman whose weight has fluctuated by 45 pounds the last 6 years, you are right. I never thought of myself as pretty regardless of weight because it is subjective & I am very hard on my looks. Crediting it to weight was easy because it is numbers. But, yeah, I am prettier (really that is the only time I am) when I weigh less. With less weight in my face my lips & eyes look better, my short neck looks longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Didn't realize it but this does hit the nail on the head. As a shorter woman whose weight has fluctuated by 45 pounds the last 6 years, you are right. I never thought of myself as pretty regardless of weight because it is subjective & I am very hard on my looks. Crediting it to weight was easy because it is numbers. But, yeah, I am prettier (really that is the only time I am) when I weigh less. With less weight in my face my lips & eyes look better, my short neck looks longer.

I agree, this poster is spot on. I also see the difference in pretty privilege when i vary between size 2-4 or push into 6. It is not that i am fat at 6, but for my apple shape and the way i gain pounds on my face, it makes me look less pretty and i notice i get less attention. same when i get into size 0 zone and my face becomes horsey. i also lose any pretty privilege i may have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Didn't realize it but this does hit the nail on the head. As a shorter woman whose weight has fluctuated by 45 pounds the last 6 years, you are right. I never thought of myself as pretty regardless of weight because it is subjective & I am very hard on my looks. Crediting it to weight was easy because it is numbers. But, yeah, I am prettier (really that is the only time I am) when I weigh less. With less weight in my face my lips & eyes look better, my short neck looks longer.

Exactly. And meanwhile I have a long face and long neck-- if I'm thinner I look like a giraffe. I am one of those women who looks best 3 months pregnant with some extra weight and all that extra estrogen. I'm also very straight up and down bodywise and with 20 extra lbs I have actual cleavage and hips. I also have a bit of a tummy but men still prefer it by a lot.

I've had health issues that make it hard for me to keep weight on and trust me when I say I don't get treated better when I'm 20 lbs underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A size 12/14 is average sized.

That’s only because people have gotten obese and totally lost control of a healthy weight. I recently lost 12 lbs and people are asking me if I’m ok! And I need to lose 18 more to get to a BMI of 25. That’s barely healthy. Look at the photos of Americans in the 1950s. A side 12/14 was a rarity.
Let’s quit trying to normalize being overweight.

I have several male colleagues who lost a lot of weight, and they all look like they are cancer survivors, they looked much better when they were overweight. I think so many people are going overboard with the weight loss drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Thanks for helping me understand why I was invisible in my 20s @ 106lb.

No one but a dog wants a bone. Girl go eat a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Thanks for helping me understand why I was invisible in my 20s @ 106lb.

No one but a dog wants a bone. Girl go eat a sandwich.

Jenna Ortega is all the hottness with young men these days and she is 5'1" 100lbs.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until you are turning 55 or 60. It's really over then. Just practice now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Thanks for helping me understand why I was invisible in my 20s @ 106lb.

No one but a dog wants a bone. Girl go eat a sandwich.

Jenna Ortega is all the hottness with young men these days and she is 5'1" 100lbs.

She is 22, she can be anything and be hot 😅