Losing weight: the difference in treatment is profound

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are talking about being a size 8 versus a size 12 or 14 and you are seeing a big difference in treatment I actually think you are dealing with "pretty privilege" NOT fat phobia.

OP probably looks a lot better as an 8 than a 12 or 14. This is common. I actually look better as a 6 than a 0 and I get treated better as a 6 (when I have boobs and a butt and some fat in my cheeks). Yes it's related to weight but only insofar as weight influences your appearance. It's really about attractiveness and the fact that more attractive people get treated better. This is always true. And not just for weight. I got treated better after I got my teeth fixed. I get treated better when my hair has been professionally blown out or when I'm wearing professional makeup or nicer better-looking clothes.

Pretty privilege absolutely benefits thinner people more than fatter people as a general rule because of general preferences for thinness (but as I know well -- not TOO thin! Not so thin you start to look older or sick or lose certain curves).

This is different than what actual fat people experience -- the fat phobia where people who are obese are treated as though they have certain qualities regardless of fact (studies have shown that fat people are viewed as less intelligent and lacking in self control compared to thinner people). But that's not a size 8 versus a size 12 thing. That's more like people who are size 18+ versus everyone else.

AND even obese people can experience pretty privilege -- a size 20 who has a beautiful face and whose body is ideally proportioned for their size will still experience pretty privilege while also encountering fat phobia. Whereas a size 20 who has an average face and not ideal proportions will only experience fat phobia.

OP lost her pretty privilege when she gained relatively small amount of weight. It's not because people looked at her and though "oh no she's so fat now" because she wasn't actually fat. They just no longer looked at her and found her especially attractive or pretty.

Thanks for helping me understand why I was invisible in my 20s @ 106lb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

Interesting. Majority of men would prefer a size 6 over a size 2

There is literally no difference, have you checked waist measurement between size 2 pants and size 6 pants? 5 inch tops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

It’s not even fat phobia though. I went from a size 4/6 to a 0/00. So I was never fat but I still saw changes in treatment. Tiny things like shopping clerks offering assistance, people moving aside for me on transit, more smiles and eye contact from people walking by.

I think I looked “dumpier” when I was larger. My clothes hung differently, I looked less neat even in the same outfit. People seemed to pick up on that. Kind of like how a woman with coordinated accessories and a manicure will be treated differently from a woman in a holey tee and no makeup.

This posts illustrates why there is a psychological component. There is 0% chance that the world saw you differently and dumpier at a size 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

Interesting. Majority of men would prefer a size 6 over a size 2

There is literally no difference, have you checked waist measurement between size 2 pants and size 6 pants? 5 inch tops.

As someone who went from size 2 to 6 and was shocked by how much attention I received, I say that the other PP is right and you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

Interesting. Majority of men would prefer a size 6 over a size 2

There is literally no difference, have you checked waist measurement between size 2 pants and size 6 pants? 5 inch tops.

Umm..that’s a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of my adult life, outside of pregnancy/postartum, I have been a size 4/6. Always treated well in public settings, men flirted with me etc. I just thought this was normal.

After a late pregnancy loss I got pregnant again, so I was pregnant for nearly a year and a half (not kidding). It was a difficult pregnancy and I developed gestational diabetes and became insulin resistant. After having my baby I could not lose weight no matter what I tried and hovered around a size 12/14.

Recently I’ve gone down several sizes and am now about an 8. The difference in how I was treated when I was bigger and how I’m treated now is night and day. I was almost ignored, or treated as stupid/ignorant (?), and just generally not treated as well as when I was thin. Now that I’m becoming thinner again, men are flirty/check me out and people are nicer to me.

It is such a mindf*** and really disappointing. Why are people like this?

It is a class thing. Rich people have more resource to stay fit. And people bow to the rich.

In old times, fat people were respected because they had more than enough to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

So your husband is shallow. That sucks.

All men are shallow. Would your DH have married you if you were 250 lbs with horrible acne?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

So your husband is shallow. That sucks.

All men are shallow. Would your DH have married you if you were 250 lbs with horrible acne?

What’s up with all the strawman argument lately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

5'5" and 170lbs is not a little overweight.
At that height a healthy woman under 65 should be around 110-130lbs depending on genetics and muscle mass.

Wow you are delusional. 110 at 5'5 is underweight. Please dont perpetuate gross and unhealthy weight/beauty standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

5'5" and 170lbs is not a little overweight.
At that height a healthy woman under 65 should be around 110-130lbs depending on genetics and muscle mass.

Wow you are delusional. 110 at 5'5 is underweight. Please dont perpetuate gross and unhealthy weight/beauty standards.

DP. And 149 puts a 5’5 person at 24.8 BMI which is still in the normal range.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

It’s not even fat phobia though. I went from a size 4/6 to a 0/00. So I was never fat but I still saw changes in treatment. Tiny things like shopping clerks offering assistance, people moving aside for me on transit, more smiles and eye contact from people walking by.

I think I looked “dumpier” when I was larger. My clothes hung differently, I looked less neat even in the same outfit. People seemed to pick up on that. Kind of like how a woman with coordinated accessories and a manicure will be treated differently from a woman in a holey tee and no makeup.

This posts illustrates why there is a psychological component. There is 0% chance that the world saw you differently and dumpier at a size 4.

I lost the weight because of a deep, deep depressive episode. I was walking around with suicidal thoughts, so I promise there was no extra bounce in my step. No glow of confidence. Even though I was a downcast shell of person, people were nicer to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a weight loss process and have gone from size 24 to size 14, and most people treat me the same but there have been a few that treat me wildly better now.

The other day I went out to do errands and was given a free plant at Home Depot ("Hey, we're about to get rid of these hanging baskets. Would you like one?") and four free tokens for the vacuum cleaners at the car wash. I have never been given free gifts before in the course of my daily activities. I said the same thing to my husband "Is this how the other half lives? Just swanning around getting free stuff? Holy cow!"

My weight loss journey is going well, but honestly the free stuff is kind of blowing my mind.

I’m a size 4-6 and have been all my life. Im also friendly, kind, and approachable. I’ve never been given free stuff like that. I think you just got lucky in both situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing all the people who say "no one treats you different - its YOU projecting!" are the exact people who treat thinner people better than larger people.

Your post makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband treats me differently at a size 2 than a size 6. He always wants sex, but the power dynamic shifts in my favor at a smaller size. He's more attentive, deferential and available.

Interesting. Majority of men would prefer a size 6 over a size 2

There is literally no difference, have you checked waist measurement between size 2 pants and size 6 pants? 5 inch tops.

As someone who went from size 2 to 6 and was shocked by how much attention I received, I say that the other PP is right and you are wrong.

It depends on how you carry your weight. I am normally a very fit size 2 and get plenty of attention at that size. At size 6 I get pudgy around the midsection and rarely noticed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

5'5" and 170lbs is not a little overweight.
At that height a healthy woman under 65 should be around 110-130lbs depending on genetics and muscle mass.

Wow you are delusional. 110 at 5'5 is underweight. Please dont perpetuate gross and unhealthy weight/beauty standards.

+1. That PP is probably skeletal if she thinks 110 at 5’5 is a healthy weight.