Losing weight: the difference in treatment is profound

[Anonymous]

There is some truth to what OP is saying but I think you are looking at it VERY myopically because you are framing this entirely as being about weight and it's obviously not.

Like there's another version of your story where you instead focus on how people who are in poor health are treated versus people who are healthy since your weight gain was linked to health issues.

There is a version of your story that has to do with how mothers with young children are treated since your weight gain was closely linked to your pregnancies.

And yes there is also a version of this story that is about how you feel about yourself and the confidence you project and how that can influence how people see you and treat you. And that's particularly true around issues of weight which can be so personal and mental for women (myself included).

Fatphobia is real. But being a size 12 is not really that fat and you might consider that the way you are talking about it may actually be considered hurtful to people who have never been that small as adults. I have found that women who spend a lot of their adulthood as very small (and a size 2-4 is VERY small) and then spend any amount of time at even a slightly larger size seem to be very vocal about how much harder this is. But for people who spend their entire lives larger have a different perspective and don't think about it the same way you might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is some truth to what OP is saying but I think you are looking at it VERY myopically because you are framing this entirely as being about weight and it's obviously not.

Like there's another version of your story where you instead focus on how people who are in poor health are treated versus people who are healthy since your weight gain was linked to health issues.

There is a version of your story that has to do with how mothers with young children are treated since your weight gain was closely linked to your pregnancies.

And yes there is also a version of this story that is about how you feel about yourself and the confidence you project and how that can influence how people see you and treat you. And that's particularly true around issues of weight which can be so personal and mental for women (myself included).

Fatphobia is real. But being a size 12 is not really that fat and you might consider that the way you are talking about it may actually be considered hurtful to people who have never been that small as adults. I have found that women who spend a lot of their adulthood as very small (and a size 2-4 is VERY small) and then spend any amount of time at even a slightly larger size seem to be very vocal about how much harder this is. But for people who spend their entire lives larger have a different perspective and don't think about it the same way you might.

yeah, no. It's about weight. I've had the exact same (flawless) labwork at "normal" weight, "overweight" and "obese", and the way I was treated by both doctors and casual encounters speaks directly to the rampant fatphobia in our culture. I've been anorexically thin, and sick, and praised for losing weight, even though that "weight loss" (i.e. starvation diet) tanked my health in ways that showed up at my clinic visits.

The winner is the thinner. It's stupid, there's no actual science behind it, and it's definitely a real thing.

[Anonymous]

That’s the only good thing about being overweight - no one flirts with you. It is a godsend. I have been thin/medium size and overweight. And the male attention is fascinating when you’re normal size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you acted different too b/c of the weight? If you were self-conscious and insecure being heavier people probably picked up on that.

Nice try, but nope, you were probably one of the people that treated her differently. I've noticed this too as someone whose weight fluctuates. When I'm fat (currently a size 16), I am ignored. When I'm thin (typically a size 8), people treat me well, everyone wants to be my friend, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s the only good thing about being overweight - no one flirts with you. It is a godsend. I have been thin/medium size and overweight. And the male attention is fascinating when you’re normal size.

"normal size" - you mean, thin?

[Anonymous]

I have never attracted any sort of favorable attention at any size. My husband barely noticed when I dropped from a size 12 to a size 2.

[Anonymous]

The thing I find odd about your post OP is that you think it’s disappointing not to be hit on by random people. I much prefer to be left alone by strangers. We should all be able to go about our business in peace.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to everyone else's world OP. Yes, people larger than size 12 get treated like crap.

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants to talk to a fatty

[Anonymous]

The whole "fat acceptance" nonsense was made for the internet age, because it's not happening in the real world, save those with a fetish. And I'm speaking for both genders. Most people out there are not attracted to overweight/obese people. People are desperate to get on meds because it was always a lie that fatter people love themselves.

[Anonymous]

I personally have zero fat friends. Like attracts like.

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread it's interesting people think being a size 12/14 would invite fat phobia or real negativity. I mean I get not getting hit on at that size but this is not massively obese by any means, it's your basic 5' 5", 160-180 woman who's a bit overweight. Fat phobia kicks in after 250lbs or so in my work/life experience.

[Anonymous]

Is size 8 very different from size 12/14? Maybe it's where you carried the weight. Maybe it's your confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing all the people who say "no one treats you different - its YOU projecting!" are the exact people who treat thinner people better than larger people.

+1 This is not a hard to understand phenomenon, but the way people go out of their way to say it's all down to the recipient of the bad treatment is hilarious.

I had a friend who was a bartender throughout our 20s - she said she'd watch the same guys be performative gentlemen to thin women and shove/elbow heavier women out of the way to place an order at the bar. She told me this because she used it as a metric for how she judged guys that would hit on her - she knew they weren't complete jerks if they didn't physically assault a heavier woman they thought was in their way. I was just like "okay. . . but there's still all these women being shoved around, and I don't think you getting bare-minimum insight into a stranger's character is enough of a payoff here." Even though she was observing the terrible treatment of heavier people, she kind of internalized it as a useful data point. And I'm sure those women would just be told to be more confident or smile more or "people are responding to your own insecurities!" if they mentioned treatment like that here. It's a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s the only good thing about being overweight - no one flirts with you. It is a godsend. I have been thin/medium size and overweight. And the male attention is fascinating when you’re normal size.

"normal size" - you mean, thin?

You actually don’t need to be thin to get male attention. I guess normal size is 6-8 in my mind. Thin is size 0-4. But regardless, if you are attractive and “normal size” the men will swivel their heads and their eyes will locate you. I found it very interesting. At size 12, I suppose am “invisible” although I don’t feel that way. But I don’t have the burden of being objectified or eyed flirtatiously by strangers.