Losing weight: the difference in treatment is profound

[Anonymous]

I was very unattractive in my teen but then I did the Sabrina thing and the change in the way people treated me was inane.

I also sometime will grow my hair long and straighten it and men all of a sudden are holding doors for me etc.

What that has done for me is really think anybody who flirts with me when I'm "thinner", "made up" or "with long straight hair"... I almost despise and think they are shallow.

I recently cut my hair (10 inches) and a man I know said .. I like your hair long and I thought... well that's because you are shallow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although I agree with the theory that attitude and confidence are factors, my personal experience is that when smaller - and blonder - I got much more attention.

Sure but with essentially the same personality you’d attract more attention at a smaller/fitter size, but you at a larger size compared to someone who lacks confidence and poise in their larger-size body would still attract more favorable attention because of personality

Sure but we are talking about people that don't even give you time to show you "personality" or "confidence"... they just see you and start treating you in a certain way.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, OP. A former colleague is tall, blonde and just large (she called herself that) and gorgeous. Beautifully dressed blonde, 50ish, married (DH is positively thin and fit and former Marine) and curvy. Sort of like the redhead Mad Men character but heavier.

She used to say that she got hit on all the time and I believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. A former colleague is tall, blonde and just large (she called herself that) and gorgeous. Beautifully dressed blonde, 50ish, married (DH is positively thin and fit and former Marine) and curvy. Sort of like the redhead Mad Men character but heavier.

She used to say that she got hit on all the time and I believe it.

Your post is nonsensical.

[Anonymous]

I’m in a weight loss process and have gone from size 24 to size 14, and most people treat me the same but there have been a few that treat me wildly better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a size 4 and often ignored. I’m not ugly but I think have a very “keep to myself” vibe and don’t exude warmth and confidence. While completely agreeing larger people are often mistreated, given you weren’t particularly large, I wonder if your vibe could be a lot different if you’re feeling more confident. I think that goes way further than a couple dress sizes (again not at all downplaying that if someone goes from a size 18 to a size 6 they will likely be treated differently)

I agree with this 100%. My size has ranged from a 6 to a 14, fluctuating frequently due to pregnancies and antidepressant meds. When I am in the 12-14 range, my confidence is much lower, but I also have difficulties keeping up my appearance. Clothes don't hang the same and give a heavier person an overall frumpy look. That combined with the loss of confidence knowing how frumpy you look and losing interest in trying to boost your appearance and grooming, make you appear different to others.

[Anonymous]

I am 55, and thought I had become invisible due to my age. Then I lost 40 pounds. I get hit on all the time now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a weight loss process and have gone from size 24 to size 14, and most people treat me the same but there have been a few that treat me wildly better now.

The other day I went out to do errands and was given a free plant at Home Depot ("Hey, we're about to get rid of these hanging baskets. Would you like one?") and four free tokens for the vacuum cleaners at the car wash. I have never been given free gifts before in the course of my daily activities. I said the same thing to my husband "Is this how the other half lives? Just swanning around getting free stuff? Holy cow!"

My weight loss journey is going well, but honestly the free stuff is kind of blowing my mind.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing all the people who say "no one treats you different - its YOU projecting!" are the exact people who treat thinner people better than larger people.

[Anonymous]

Another angle: Larger people who lose weight, dress differently and perhaps come off as more confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A size 12/14 is average sized.

That’s only because people have gotten obese and totally lost control of a healthy weight. I recently lost 12 lbs and people are asking me if I’m ok! And I need to lose 18 more to get to a BMI of 25. That’s barely healthy. Look at the photos of Americans in the 1950s. A side 12/14 was a rarity.
Let’s quit trying to normalize being overweight.

This.

[Anonymous]

I’ve gone up and down a lot and I mainly noticed it for dating and at work. Family and friends have always been consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, OP. A former colleague is tall, blonde and just large (she called herself that) and gorgeous. Beautifully dressed blonde, 50ish, married (DH is positively thin and fit and former Marine) and curvy. Sort of like the redhead Mad Men character but heavier.

She used to say that she got hit on all the time and I believe it.

Blondes has their own rules.
Beautiful people follow a different standard.

Signed by unattractive invisible women since age 14.

[Anonymous]

I must have quite the troll face! I'm thin and blond (naturally so can't blame it on a bad dye job) and tan easily....and still never EVER get flirted with / chatted up etc. Not in my 20s and not now in my late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP. It is true. Thank your lucky stars that you were not overweight or obese in adolescence or as a young adult. I was ignored (or worse, laughed at) and that cruelty will never leave me.