Helicopter parents and their presence out of control?

[Anonymous]

This has been happening for a decade. I used to work in a University. The big shift in parental involvement ramped up when tuition skyrocketed. To parents, this is one of the largest financial investments they will make. The more expensive college gets, the more parents expect.

Housing at some schools is a real issue so more parents with means are buying investment condos or houses. Honestly, if DS ends up going to the school in the city we are looking to retire in we will likely buy our retirement house before we need it and let him live there or buy one with an ADU / space for ADU and work remotely/ commute back. It would save around 40 K a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a family in DC’s class who bought a home on the west coast to “ease their child in” for the first few weeks. They are from Italy, and they are constantly running back to the college. It is a very weird situation, and I find it appalling that any parent would think this is okay

This 1000%! If your kid actually needs you nearby, then perhaps they are not ready for college (or at least college in another country).

I did drop-off for each kid freshman year, was there 2-3 days before drop-off (2-3K miles away, had to shop), did drop-off and left the next day, at the time the school tells you to "disappear".

Then my husband visited each kid about 4-5 weeks into their freshman year---gives them long enough to make friends and not be too homesick, yet good to see family for 24-36 hours.

Then the rest of college was me doing fall drop-off and spring move-outs---in/out in a day or two.
We saw kids for fall breaks, thanksgiving, xmas, spring breaks, extra spring break (Easter weekend is 4 days at many jesuit universities).

If either kid attended a school with major football, we might have travelled to attend one or two games, but no way would I be there every weekend or buy a place.

And even then, my kid would want to be with their friends and I'd want that for them

[Anonymous]

I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read this op-ed that I thought relates somewhat to the thread - it's not just the parents but also the college and universities that are the helicopters:

Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/03/opinion/college-students-adulting.html?unlocked_article_code=1.H04.yZHx.ao3_lK8ji3D6&smid=url-share

Excerpt: "Universities don’t openly describe students as children, but that is how they treat them. This was highlighted in the spring, when so many pro-Palestinian student protesters — most of them legal adults — faced minimal consequences for even flagrant violations of their universities’ policies. (Some were arrested — but those charges were often dropped.) American universities’ relative generosity to their students may seem appealing, especially in contrast to the plight of our imaginary waiter, but it has a dark side, in the form of increased control of student life."

Now you are saying that universities NOT sticking their nose into student behavior is helicoptering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Great.

Yet another helicopter-bashing thread.

Let's also have a Bethesda-bashing thread again.

Also, a dog-owners-bashing thread, with all the dogs running off-leash, and owners not picking up after them.

Also, a Marc Elrich/MoCo-bashing thread.

What else?

We should all nip down to the Politics Forum and post more snarky anti-Trump stuff.

Let's do the round of the Greatest Hits.

AGAIN.

obligatory bash the OP post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

Was the parent taking the picture, or sharing a picture the student sent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never forget the mom at one high school open house junior year raising her hand and asking the teacher, "you got the four emails I sent you this week, right?" Four??? Geez, Louise. How will her kid learn to speak with people if mom does all of the talking?

Okay.

It's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

Do you not see how visiting your college kid weekly is NOT allowing them to grow and become independent adults?
If you are always around, assisting them, they will never be forced to learn to advocate/do things for themselves.


I bet you think it's okay to call your kid's employer as well or join them for job interviews, because "it's helpful"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing lots of parents on FB posting first day of college pics this year, some of them even holding up signs like they did in elementary school. Not the drop-off pictures, mind you. But, like, first day of class. Had never seen this before, but I’ve seen several in the last week. These poor kids. Just let them be.

Was the parent taking the picture, or sharing a picture the student sent?

Good question. I guess they must be sharing pics from kids, but I’m not sure that makes it any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Great.

Yet another helicopter-bashing thread.

Let's also have a Bethesda-bashing thread again.

Also, a dog-owners-bashing thread, with all the dogs running off-leash, and owners not picking up after them.

Also, a Marc Elrich/MoCo-bashing thread.

What else?

We should all nip down to the Politics Forum and post more snarky anti-Trump stuff.

Let's do the round of the Greatest Hits.

AGAIN.

My 4 year old has already posted all these topics. Are other parents just duds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll never forget the mom at one high school open house junior year raising her hand and asking the teacher, "you got the four emails I sent you this week, right?" Four??? Geez, Louise. How will her kid learn to speak with people if mom does all of the talking?

Okay.

It's true.

Doesn’t matter was the point.

[Anonymous]

I see very little helicoptering in the parents' page for my DS's school which is a Northeastern LAC.

Fwiw we were highly involved parents during HS, by necessity for an ADHD kid. By necessity - because we have no access to anything other than the tuition bills - we are very hands off with the same kid now in college. He is doing just fine, so that HS helicoptering doesn't seem to have crushed his spirit or eroded his ability to do things for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

Do you not see how visiting your college kid weekly is NOT allowing them to grow and become independent adults?
If you are always around, assisting them, they will never be forced to learn to advocate/do things for themselves.


I bet you think it's okay to call your kid's employer as well or join them for job interviews, because "it's helpful"

Who is not local that is visiting their college kid weekly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

Do you not see how visiting your college kid weekly is NOT allowing them to grow and become independent adults?
If you are always around, assisting them, they will never be forced to learn to advocate/do things for themselves.


I bet you think it's okay to call your kid's employer as well or join them for job interviews, because "it's helpful"

Your hyperbole serves to discredit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

Good job. I'm Gen X and this used to be the norm. My neighbor's child just moved back home after failing out of freshman year of college so I'm taking notes on what not to do. They definitely need to hone these skills and gain some independence before college.