Helicopter parents and their presence out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three cousins all went to bigger Southern schools. They were raised by Gen X parents. One set of parents quite literally bought an apartment where the daughter goes to school so they could attend all of the football home games. They say they give their daughter space and don't sit next to her at the games, but they quite literally fly in every single weekend there is home game at the school where the D goes. Same for the other 2 cousins. Parents bought a house in the city where the S goes to attend all of the games. They also go down to the city where their other D goes all the time, like probably 15+ weekends during a school year.

Is it just a common these days for parents to be so clingy? These kinds of helicopter parents were unheard of when I was in school. Who wants to go to college and have their parents even remotely close to them for the whole weekends for 85% of the academic year?

this happens a lot. why are people surprised?
this is not helicopter - its just UHNW.
Very common in my circle tbh (non DMV) finance circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

+1

Refreshing to see a non-judgmental take on here. We're all just people trying to do the best we can. Also, if one family is overly close in your opinion, it shouldn't be seen as a threat to you because your family is different or makes other choices. And they should not feel threatened by your family just because they are less close but more independent. Let's just all mind our own business and stop comparing ourselves to other families. What they're doing is harmless; what you're doing is not hurting anyone either. Live and let others live the way they want to. Comparison is the thief of joy.

It's not really harmless. It causes serious arrested development in their children, which affects their ability to function later. That's a burden for themselves and society writ large. The lack of teaching children independence and resilience and letting them fail on their own actually has massive societal impacts.

Whose child are you taking care of as a result of their parents' helicoptering? I call huge BS on this.

Those of us who work are seeing this in our professional environments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seemingly, the ones complaining about helicopter parents are the ones helicoptering everyone else.

That’s…not how that works.

That’s what is happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many inappropriate posts I see in my kids Facebook college group. Questions regarding handling roommate situations (DDs roommate vapes, what should I tell her to do? Should I call the RA?), oversharing medical info (dd needs a gyn for an infection, ds is having anxiety) and then of course the pile of rants about the food in the dining hall (dd doesn’t like the food! What can she eat??). No wonder so many kids have anxiety. My mom dropped me off at college 1000 miles away and I did not see her again on my campus until graduation.

Indeed. It is off the charts, and at every school from JMU to ivy

[Anonymous]

I meet our high schoolers' teachers at open house and tell them they won't hear from me or see me again unless our kid is super struggling/failing and I need some feedback to support kid behind the scenes at home. If our kid is getting a passing in your class, I won't bother you for a teacher conference -- e.g., we're all good. Our student will do all speaking to you themselves about homework, assignments, tests, retakes, etc. I'm behind the scenes at home, only, so our kid learns resilience and how to speak up for themselves.

It's clear I am a rarity as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As to the parent Facebook groups, those are quite helpful sometimes and enormously entertaining always.

Some universities are so large and such unhelpful bureaucracies that it is the only way for your student to find their way through the maze. Parent groups also can help to hold the universities accountable - guess what, students do fall through the cracks.

But at least university has had students outing other students’ parents who were asking true helicopter questions so beware.

The only way? Really? A mom posting on Facebook asking how her DD can get a better rooomate? I disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

+1

Refreshing to see a non-judgmental take on here. We're all just people trying to do the best we can. Also, if one family is overly close in your opinion, it shouldn't be seen as a threat to you because your family is different or makes other choices. And they should not feel threatened by your family just because they are less close but more independent. Let's just all mind our own business and stop comparing ourselves to other families. What they're doing is harmless; what you're doing is not hurting anyone either. Live and let others live the way they want to. Comparison is the thief of joy.

It's not really harmless. It causes serious arrested development in their children, which affects their ability to function later. That's a burden for themselves and society writ large. The lack of teaching children independence and resilience and letting them fail on their own actually has massive societal impacts.

Whose child are you taking care of as a result of their parents' helicoptering? I call huge BS on this.

Those of us who work are seeing this in our professional environments

Seeing what exactly? I work with a lot of recent college grads too and don't see this often if ever. Having to train recent grads is nothing new. Maybe you just suck as a manager.

[Anonymous]

The thing about parenting is that it’s the parents fundamental right to parent the way they see fit. No one needs to do it the op’s preferred way or anyone else’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many inappropriate posts I see in my kids Facebook college group. Questions regarding handling roommate situations (DDs roommate vapes, what should I tell her to do? Should I call the RA?), oversharing medical info (dd needs a gyn for an infection, ds is having anxiety) and then of course the pile of rants about the food in the dining hall (dd doesn’t like the food! What can she eat??). No wonder so many kids have anxiety. My mom dropped me off at college 1000 miles away and I did not see her again on my campus until graduation.

Indeed. It is off the charts, and at every school from JMU to ivy

Oh, yes! I looked a few times at these Facebook groups and got skeeved out by the narcissistic parenting I was seeing on display.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone like this. My oldest is only a high school sophomore. The parents with college kids may go to a game or two with the whole family but it definitely isn’t every weekend.

I joke that I am going to follow my kid to college. I have two other kids so I won’t be able to follow oldest child even if I wanted.

There are some places we are considering retiring (Southern California or Florida). If my kid went to college in San Diego, I absolutely would buy a place there. Pretty sure my kid wants to go to school in Boston and I have no desire to retire there. If it were nyc, I would consider getting a place there because I love nyc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone like this. My oldest is only a high school sophomore. The parents with college kids may go to a game or two with the whole family but it definitely isn’t every weekend.

I joke that I am going to follow my kid to college. I have two other kids so I won’t be able to follow oldest child even if I wanted.

There are some places we are considering retiring (Southern California or Florida). If my kid went to college in San Diego, I absolutely would buy a place there. Pretty sure my kid wants to go to school in Boston and I have no desire to retire there. If it were nyc, I would consider getting a place there because I love nyc.

The OP is exaggerating. She is dramatic which is worse than helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

Just read this op-ed that I thought relates somewhat to the thread - it's not just the parents but also the college and universities that are the helicopters:

Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/03/opinion/college-students-adulting.html?unlocked_article_code=1.H04.yZHx.ao3_lK8ji3D6&smid=url-share

Excerpt: "Universities don’t openly describe students as children, but that is how they treat them. This was highlighted in the spring, when so many pro-Palestinian student protesters — most of them legal adults — faced minimal consequences for even flagrant violations of their universities’ policies. (Some were arrested — but those charges were often dropped.) American universities’ relative generosity to their students may seem appealing, especially in contrast to the plight of our imaginary waiter, but it has a dark side, in the form of increased control of student life."

[Anonymous]

I'll never forget the mom at one high school open house junior year raising her hand and asking the teacher, "you got the four emails I sent you this week, right?" Four??? Geez, Louise. How will her kid learn to speak with people if mom does all of the talking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll never forget the mom at one high school open house junior year raising her hand and asking the teacher, "you got the four emails I sent you this week, right?" Four??? Geez, Louise. How will her kid learn to speak with people if mom does all of the talking?

Okay.