Does your DH/BF take care of you?

[Anonymous]

Mine refused to go to store to get me medicine. I actually drove myself to the store to get Theraflu and Tylenol. I thought I was going to pass out while waiting in the checkout line. However, this was after marriage. I’m sure he would have been wonderful if it was during his courting phase.

You have a keeper, as long as he keeps it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is an MD and does nothing when I am sick or hurt.

Same here. And he also doesn’t care when he is sick.

[Anonymous]

Mine is also an MD, and he literally said that in case of burglary he would run out of the house with his phone "calling the police", leaving me and our kid inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

[Anonymous]

No...which is why he probably won't be my husband for much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

Some of you are very broken. Good luck with life and love, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

DP. That’s a lot of gobbledegook to just say you are a man who is not going to do hands on caretaking. Different reason than the usual, but same old outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

Get over yourself! My view is predicated on the fact that I was sick (and you don’t know how sick, so really, check your outrage) and he was not. When he gets sick I will take care of him, if he needs it.

Your response that *demands* no one ever has moments when they are more (or less!) vulnerable than their partner is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

DP. That’s a lot of gobbledegook to just say you are a man who is not going to do hands on caretaking. Different reason than the usual, but same old outcome.

I think this is a woman, a not very intelligent one who is parroting some nonsense she thinks is “feminism,” but she actually has no successful LTR with a man or probably anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick and last night BF set me up with throat coat tea, prescription anti-tussive, tissues and wastebasket and went to my apartment while I was napping to get the inhaler I forgot. When I woke up coughing overnight he calmly kept his hand on my back and at 4am got up to set up a humidifier. On a scale of 1-10 where are we?

If he can continue taking care of you like that for the next 60 years, he is a 10. Oh, he also needs to be faithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

Get over yourself! My view is predicated on the fact that I was sick (and you don’t know how sick, so really, check your outrage) and he was not. When he gets sick I will take care of him, if he needs it.

Your response that *demands* no one ever has moments when they are more (or less!) vulnerable than their partner is absurd.

Does he feed you? Rock you to sleep with a bottle? Dress you? If he was loving and supportive he would do those things for you. He isn’t taking care of you if you are doing those things for yourself. That’s your position. He would be loving and supportive if you had to reach for your own tissue. You all set women back.

There would be no ooohing and awwwing over a woman who sat up and rubbed her husbands back and handed him tissues while he sniffled. She would be called a shmuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not want that.

I want a partner who’s Wes me as a competent adult, not a needy, dependent child who need to be looked after.

If I need something, yes he will go get it, but hover over me and rush around and pat my back and bring me a tissue because I have a cold…that would be a major red flag for me.

You don't have to want that. But OP liked it. What's wrong with that??

It’s toxic femininity. No one would think it was sweet or lovely or wonderful if a man wanted and liked that. If a man posted about having a cold and his wife sitting up all night to rub his back and hand him his tissues….he would have been blasted, name called, criticized. The reasons it’s acceptable for women and not men is because of the genderized view that women’s are weak, not competent, need a man to look after them, are dependent on others etc.

OP. GMAFB with this politicized garbage. You can have a loving supportive partner and still be a strong person.

I am better educated and earn more than he does (and who knows, maybe more than you pp).

Your view of loving and supportive is predicated on the fact that you are weak and helpless and he is strong and able. There are many many ways to be a loving and supportive partner without handing tissues to your spouse. Nothing in your scenario demonstrates strength at all in terms of personal characteristics. It demonstrates infantilization, where he cares for you as a helpless being and for you that feels loving and supportive. It feels that way for you because of your views of me and women. If you saw yourself as a competent or strong woman, it wouldn’t feel loving or supportive to be taken care of as one would care for an infant or young child.

Get over yourself! My view is predicated on the fact that I was sick (and you don’t know how sick, so really, check your outrage) and he was not. When he gets sick I will take care of him, if he needs it.

Your response that *demands* no one ever has moments when they are more (or less!) vulnerable than their partner is absurd.

Does he feed you? Rock you to sleep with a bottle? Dress you? If he was loving and supportive he would do those things for you. He isn’t taking care of you if you are doing those things for yourself. That’s your position. He would be loving and supportive if you had to reach for your own tissue. You all set women back.

There would be no ooohing and awwwing over a woman who sat up and rubbed her husbands back and handed him tissues while he sniffled. She would be called a shmuck.

Silly person, straw man argument. As the pp said, good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are not a troll, you are lucky to have that guy. Lack of simple caring is exactly the problem I have with DH. But he won’t leave either — I asked him to leave if he does not feel it any more.

I was seek entire week. He did not ask - how are you - a single time. Let alone ‘how can I help.’ But he asked - so you are still sick?

I just joined 50s club. I don’t really know what to do and am just muddling through. I am out of steam to get this relationship going and too tired and stubborn to figure out divorce and acknowledge I picked wrong.

[Anonymous]

*I was sick (not seek — autocorrected)