Failed my test

[Anonymous]

Wow, gold digger "testing" her dates is single - SHOCKER!

Maybe you should be more generous with your expectations. Testing dates is immature and shows a real lack of kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for food you eat in public is demeaning to you?
Keeping score is a fail on your test, but by very definition you're keeping score.
You suck.

Of course it’s demeaning for a woman if she pays for food that a man allegedly generously ordered himself for the date. How is that be even a question?

If he was my colleague - different thing. But even male colleagues usually pay at lunch

So, is it about equality or not? Men usually bear the financial burden of early dates. If she agreed to splits, then she agreed to split. Is he supposed to mansplain to her what “split” means?

I’m a woman and this is all so confusing to me. Mean what you say, say what you mean. If you want a $60 first date, then go for coffee, lunch, or a walk with a food truck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

1. You are single, so no, it has not.
2. You are the one keeping score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

You did the laundry, cleaned your house and cooked while each of you pulled in $500k? I call BS. You would have outsourced those at that income.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me appreciate my marriage, warts and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me appreciate my marriage, warts and all.

This makes me glad I met my husband in college when we were both broke. Most of our dates were studying.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, he wouldn’t pass my test. He should pay for what he ordered, plus your small order. A whole bottle is too much for one person and seems like a red flag. Plus too physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

You did the laundry, cleaned your house and cooked while each of you pulled in $500k? I call BS. You would have outsourced those at that income.

It's pretty clear OP is a major troll. These posts pop up every now and then just to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

You sound like a nightmare for single men.

[Anonymous]

Grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Your reasoning is stupid. If you make half a million a year, it means that you are somebody in your profession, and that paired with you having been married before puts you at least at 35 if not older. What the heck are you doing making out in public on a first date? Is this what you do on all dates?

Per your payment test, your mammas rules work in a situation where the guy has been courting you for at least a bit, and then invites you out. You guys have gone past the quick physical chemistry test. In your situation, you find a guy online and want him to act in a different way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

You did the laundry, cleaned your house and cooked while each of you pulled in $500k? I call BS. You would have outsourced those at that income.

Yes, I did. Back then I wasn’t making $500k, it was around 200k. We also had a housekeeper once a week but I did cooking and laundry. Not cleaning or gardening though

I’m single as I prefer to be on my own than in a red flag relationship . I did have one relationship post divorce already, there were no such issues there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

You did the laundry, cleaned your house and cooked while each of you pulled in $500k? I call BS. You would have outsourced those at that income.

Yes, I did. Back then I wasn’t making $500k, it was around 200k. We also had a housekeeper once a week but I did cooking and laundry. Not cleaning or gardening though

I’m single as I prefer to be on my own than in a red flag relationship . I did have one relationship post divorce already, there were no such issues there

Trolls can't be married or get divorced, go back under your bridge (or reddit, whichever).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Your reasoning is stupid. If you make half a million a year, it means that you are somebody in your profession, and that paired with you having been married before puts you at least at 35 if not older. What the heck are you doing making out in public on a first date? Is this what you do on all dates?

Per your payment test, your mammas rules work in a situation where the guy has been courting you for at least a bit, and then invites you out. You guys have gone past the quick physical chemistry test. In your situation, you find a guy online and want him to act in a different way.

We are both execs in our 40s; he’s 2 years younger. One of the reasons I was uncomfortable kissing in a hotspot bar. I told him but he did pull me towards himself couple times pretty authoritarian and said - why do you care? Who cares ? He’s from LA if that matters.
I’m not interested in being a hot mamma for some horny Latino guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, he wouldn’t pass my test. He should pay for what he ordered, plus your small order. A whole bottle is too much for one person and seems like a red flag. Plus too physical.

Yes. That, too. I tried to talk him out of the whole bottle he said he would take it home if we don’t finish it. Also ordered bread dish too heavy for the evening meal. I noticed he has a small belly and although he’s attractive, I’m in much better shape. We might have incompatible food habits