Failed my test

[Anonymous]

Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

[Anonymous]

Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

[Anonymous]

1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

[Anonymous]

You sound exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

So your test is whether someone can read your mind? This man dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.

You’re not compatible. Move on.

I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships

np.. ok, then move on? Sounds like he's not for you.

[Anonymous]

He dodged a GARGANTUAN bullet.

[Anonymous]

I respect your test and think these are good standards.

[Anonymous]

I do think your test is silly, but someone ordering way more alcohol and food and then going half and half is a red flag. Getting handsy on a first date when you don't appear to have been into it was bad as well.

So while testing people isn't a good idea, this guy doesn't seem like a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

So your test is whether someone can read your mind? This man dodged a bullet.

No the test is whether someone knows and follows dating etiquette and willing to show he prefers to follow standard gender roles in relationship

[Anonymous]

He sounds gross. Good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think your test is silly, but someone ordering way more alcohol and food and then going half and half is a red flag. Getting handsy on a first date when you don't appear to have been into it was bad as well.

So while testing people isn't a good idea, this guy doesn't seem like a good one.

Yes, he literally went on ordering the best bottle of wine he could select and appetizers of his choice. Seemed like he was alpha until he gladly agreed to split the check. I asked “did you already leave tips”? He responded “yes $10, you can just leave anything you want”. It did sound somewhat cold and mismatching his prior level of passion and generosity

I think I’ll pass him for the 2nd date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound exhausting.

+1 no wonder you are single.