Failed my test

[Anonymous]

You wonder why you're single? LMAO. I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

OP is clearly an idiot and thinks she's some kind of prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn’t want to split the check why’d you offer to? What waste of time and energy.

To see if he’s actually generous and follows etiquette. I entertain often in my house and a man who doesn’t know etiquette (for example, makes me write a check for catering in front of guests) would not fit . Also imagine we travel with a couple of friends and the other husband pays while mine is meticulously splitting. That would be weird like hell

Why not just wait and see if he grabs it? Maybe he was going to pick it up and the offer to split made him think that’s what you wanted to do? Your test should be to just sit there and see if he picks it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Troll

So bizarre. Splitting bills is fine.

In general splitting bills is fine but not when there is a significant disparity in what was ordered. If you order an expensive bottle of wine, you don't go 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like OP. I think the kind of men want are the stupid ones..those dumb men who fall the old gender roles are being taken to the cleaners. These modern women like OP pick and choose what they like from the traditional gender roles. If he picks up the fan on the first day will you do his laundry on a consistent basis when you are dating? Will you cook for him on a consistent basis? Will you clean the place on the consistent basis while he watches TV? These are the things that our mothers who were working just like our dads did. The modern woman isn't signing up for this sh**t I am sure lol. She just wants to pick and choose. Men are like a buffet pick and choose what you like.

OP here: I was doing all listed above while working and making the same money as my exH. I don’t mind doing laundry for the household if he’s more busy at work and if he’s a true alpha in restaurant and in bed.

[Anonymous]

Different strokes for different folks.

I typically expect the 1st date to be more formal and nice. For example, if meal out, having cocktails to start and a bottle of wine with dinner. I also like it when a man shows me that he is attracted to me.

I usually try not to "test" the guy in the beginning, when we are trying to get to know each other. He may very well be the old fashioned type of guy who is more than happy to pick up all the tabs, but agreed to split the check because there are women out there who are offended by men "presuming" a woman can't pay.

I think you may be a bit too harsh in judging him.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind contributing to the cost of a date, but I would object to a guy ordering a bunch of expensive stuff without my input and then expecting to split the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks.

I typically expect the 1st date to be more formal and nice. For example, if meal out, having cocktails to start and a bottle of wine with dinner. I also like it when a man shows me that he is attracted to me.

I usually try not to "test" the guy in the beginning, when we are trying to get to know each other. He may very well be the old fashioned type of guy who is more than happy to pick up all the tabs, but agreed to split the check because there are women out there who are offended by men "presuming" a woman can't pay.

I think you may be a bit too harsh in judging him.

OP here. But I would then agree on splitting ahead of going for dinner and order from the menu what I prefer. Instead of him playing alpha “ordering” for me

[Anonymous]

He failed one woman’s test.

You fail at Life.

[Anonymous]

OP makes half a million and whines about splitting a $100 date after she offered to split the bill.

the dude dodged a bullet!

[Anonymous]

I agree that OP sounds a little much. That being said, after seeing how it played out over the course of a relationship-I would never go on a second date with a man who didn’t pay 100% for a first date.

I’m definitely all for fairness and equality in financial aspects as a relationship progresses but a first date is a first date-the man pays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

So your test is whether someone can read your mind? This man dodged a bullet.

This. OP will be single forever.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this “first date = man pays”.
And I’m socially conservative! But a first date to me is more of a friendly get-together where the two people, regardless of gender, are on an equal footing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you violated his dating test by mentioning splitting the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP makes half a million and whines about splitting a $100 date after she offered to split the bill.

the dude dodged a bullet!

I dunno, I wouldn't want to date anyone who felt entitled to spending my money like that, particularly on a first date. It's not about how much you make, it's a respect issue. Ordering the most expensive stuff on the menu and the expecting someone else to pay for half of it isn't a good sign. Now had OP also been ordering similar expensive items, splitting would be okay.

I'd say this to a man as well.