Grandpa making inappropriate comments to my 14 year old son

[Anonymous]

Why isn’t DS’ dad explaining that you should not put your hands in your pockets in public? I think that should have been drilled into his head at about age 6? How do people not know this? I am a mom and told my son this at age 4 and 5. I have never seen him do it as a teenager. Grandpa is right. This is weird behavior.

[Anonymous]

You're over-reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone for the responses. Absolutely this bothered me A LOT but I hadn't talked to my dad about it yet BECAUSE I was angry and having intense reaction that is possibly not warranted. Which is exactly why I posted here, to gauge it from people who grew up differently. Not sure why some people get so bent out of shape about someone having a different reaction than they would especially when its based on past like what I grew up with.

My therapist used to tell me that while yes my dad is an issue and there's potential of harm, there are some good parts to, my kids aren't with him a lot, and he's not my kids parent - they don't look to him for approval or love, which they do get healthfully from me. He used to be pretty awful sometimes when they were younger though conversations did help - my kids saying they didn't want to go there anymore because of how he treated them and how he treated my mom changed things a little.

Absolutely there was no jokiness or buddy like bugging or teasing about how my dad says things like this and said this. He is a very critical person and the shaming my son and bringing up sexuality was unnecessary and done inappropriately. Had he just said about pockets, or said in a teaching way that some people do that, and it makes others uncomfortable... its his acting like my son is dirty and perverse masturbating in public likes he's some addict or something, and that everyone else is dirty and perverse to think that about my son doing that that's the problem. It's not typical.

And what's the score is his talking about ball hockey with the stick being the obvious.

My core worry is my kids being affected by my dad the way that I was.

But either way, my son did ignore my dad the second time. And my son knows about pockets and other options for feeling less confident. It just doesn't surprise me that he would be extra nervous feeling with the way my dad looks at people.

To the person who said east european - my dad grew up in central Europe so that could be a factor to his reaction. But agin, its the shaming hateful way of talking, not the "hey young man, let me help you out guy to guy". And it is weird too because he doesn't have that type of relationship with my kids where my son would ever feel comfortable having my dad talk to him about anything meaningful.

Get your kid some shorts without pockets to break the bad habit.

This wins weirdest comment on this thread.

Whatever. A kid touching his balls all the time is in need of some redirection. You must be OP wondering why this thread isn’t going your way.

Just because hands are in pockets doesn’t mean he is touching his balls. He probably isn’t. It’s entirely possible he just has his hands in pockets.

I agree but what the grandpa said is that people will think he is. And this thread is proof that some people think that. It may be more older people think that but it’s probably good for boys to be aware at least some people will think that. I remember adults telling teen boys not to jingle change in their pocket because that’s what people would think. I guess no one has change in their pocket now but if he’s wearing athletic shorts and fidgeting with something in his picket, I agree it will look a little odd. I think sometimes boys do it because they think it can help hide a surprise erection if they sort of pull the pants away from the crotch.
Anyway I think grandpa was trying to be helpful, although his advice was somewhat dated. This falls into the same category of grandmas telling teens “if you wear shorts with your butt cheekcs hanging out, boys will think you are fast.” I think teens just ignore these comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier and just asked my husband about this. He said boys don't walk around with their hands in their pants pocket.

Where is your sons father?

So totally strange to me as I buy dresses and rompers with pockets so I can put my hands in them and store all the trinkets my kids give me.

In fairness, do you have a teen son? Or teens at all? I have a teen daughter, and from what I observe during drop off and pick up, it is commonplace for boys to have their hands in pockets. OP isn’t wrong about that statement

I just summarized this thread for my husband and 14 and 16 year old sons and when I got to the part about grandpa saying something about hands in pockets they all laughed and said “yeah, so you don’t look like you’re playing with yourself everyone knows that.” My kids said they own grandfather told them that when they were 5.

[Anonymous]

OP, how does your son feel about his grandfather's comments? Is he as bothered by them as you are?

[Anonymous]

Oblivious mom here (oldest son is only three so we're still working on not literally sticking your hand down the front of your pants) -- is the no hands in pockets thing mostly for athletic shorts or sweatpants with huge pockets, or is it as much of a big deal with nicer slacks where the pockets are smaller and clearly far from the crotch? I want to make sure I'm teaching my sons correctly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oblivious mom here (oldest son is only three so we're still working on not literally sticking your hand down the front of your pants) -- is the no hands in pockets thing mostly for athletic shorts or sweatpants with huge pockets, or is it as much of a big deal with nicer slacks where the pockets are smaller and clearly far from the crotch? I want to make sure I'm teaching my sons correctly!

We had a guy in our office who always kept his hands somewhere in his pants pockets or rested a hand inside his belt of his suit. He was referred to as Diver Dan by the women. It's not a good look, no matter the pants style.

[Anonymous]

Hmm.. I see boys at middle and high school walking around with hands in pockets all the time, especially when waiting around. It never occurred to me they are all touching themselves. It certainly doesn’t appear that way to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, some guys DO think that hands in pockets = playing with yourself. So, I think your dad (while I’m sure his delivery was crap) thought he was doing your kid a favor by telling him. And he kinda was.

This is a thing, OP.

It's poor etiquette to walk around with your hands in your pockets for this reason. Your dad, albeit in an awkward way, did your DS a favor.

+1. it is poor etiquette. i would notice

[Anonymous]

Why not use it as teaching moment to share your thoughts/perspective and how/why you disagree with your dad. People can have different perspectives and not be wrong, good lesson to teach your kid.

But if he constantly has his hands in his pocket, he probably also has his head down and chin tucked into chest. This is a bad habit that will definitely have impact moving forward in life. The job part your dad mentioned is just one example. So the fact your son doesn't have a job is not really the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oblivious mom here (oldest son is only three so we're still working on not literally sticking your hand down the front of your pants) -- is the no hands in pockets thing mostly for athletic shorts or sweatpants with huge pockets, or is it as much of a big deal with nicer slacks where the pockets are smaller and clearly far from the crotch? I want to make sure I'm teaching my sons correctly!

I have a teen son and see a lot of teen boys. I think there’s a big difference between hands casually resting in pockets and hands shoved all the way into pockets. Worse if the kid is fidgety with hands stuck way in pockets. Some kids are just fidgety and may have something in their pocket they are fidgeting with like an eraser or whatever, but that doesn’t look good. But hands casually resting in pockets is not a big deal.