Is middle school miserable for most kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

But the thing is they are really not all still kids. This is why middle school sucks. Puberty timing varies WIDELY. And this age range is when it's most obvious and apparent. Some really do need more independence, more autonomy, and they're not interested in things that kids are interested in developmentally. And that's okay. Just like it's okay that some still look and act like "kids". I think there is no avoiding a wide disparity of where kids are in a group setting at this age. It's just a tough time.

I agree it's a tough time, but disagree that they aren't kids. Especially for those who start puberty early, like me. There was no way I was ready to be done being a kid, nor should I have had to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

But the thing is they are really not all still kids. This is why middle school sucks. Puberty timing varies WIDELY. And this age range is when it's most obvious and apparent. Some really do need more independence, more autonomy, and they're not interested in things that kids are interested in developmentally. And that's okay. Just like it's okay that some still look and act like "kids". I think there is no avoiding a wide disparity of where kids are in a group setting at this age. It's just a tough time.

Ok, so they're not kids anymore, what do you want them to be acting like? What do you want them to be doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

[Anonymous]

my youngest son seems to have loved middle school. He has a good friend group with no real drama. All guys and all very sporty/active. However i on the other hand hate middle school. He has so much attitude and he thinks he’s an adult.

my oldest was a little more introverted. He seemed to not have an opinion on it, but he’s very mature and probably harbors feeling that most kids are idiots. My oldest just liked playing his sport, going to the gym and getting good grades. I don’t think he would say he loved his middle school experience though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

There is alot more shaming MS kids for acting like kids here on DCUM than not. Nothing wrong at all with MS kids acting like and doing kid stuff. And if 8th graders are really what ppl on here seem to think they're like, I don't think I'd want my 6th a d 7th graders to act like that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

Weird, maybe the issue is holding back kids. My 14 year old was in 9th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

Weird, maybe the issue is holding back kids. My 14 year old was in 9th.

Sigh, math can be hard. My on time kid was 14 for half of 8th grade. She will then be 14 for half of her 9th grade year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

There is alot more shaming MS kids for acting like kids here on DCUM than not. Nothing wrong at all with MS kids acting like and doing kid stuff. And if 8th graders are really what ppl on here seem to think they're like, I don't think I'd want my 6th a d 7th graders to act like that either.

So you’ve taken it upon yourself to be a 1 woman crusade to go the other way and say it’s wrong or “sick” for a 6th grader to have more in common with an 8th grader than a 4th grader? My rising 7th grader plays a club sport where she is with kids up to age 14, and there were no issues last year when she was in 6th and the oldest kids were in 8th.

[Anonymous]

Cooper MS has a reputation as a rough school.

[Anonymous]

MS for oldest was terrible. Introverted and awkward. MS for youngest was great. Social and athletic. Both late to puberty (not really until HS) and both not really into the “popular” crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

We had this as well (elem thru 6th, then 7-9 Jr. High) in the DMV until the early 80s.

[Anonymous]

Middle school has its reputation for a reason!

Is it that way for all kids? No. But for a lot of kids? Yeah. My DS has a great 6th grade and then halfway through 7th grade it went downhill. Where my DD was fine all through middle school.

But I remember back to when I was in those years and while I didn't have a difficult time socially or academically, I also didn't know if I was coming or going a lot of the time. I can still remember some specifics from ES, but for me, MS is a blur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

My kid hd a very happy sixth grade year. That said, I much prefer the system I had in the Midwest in the 80s where sixth grade was elementary and 7-9 was junior high. 6th graders really are still children and should not be with eight graders.

Agree.

Avoids this sick dynamic of 5th and 6th graders trying to act like 8th graders.

Let it go, it is not “sick” for a 12 year old 6th grader to act more like a 14 year old 8th grader than a 10 year old 4th grader. Kids mature at different rates and this shaming that you are doing of kids that have outgrown ES interests by 6th grade is no better than shaming a 6th grader who hasn’t outgrown ES interests.

There is alot more shaming MS kids for acting like kids here on DCUM than not. Nothing wrong at all with MS kids acting like and doing kid stuff. And if 8th graders are really what ppl on here seem to think they're like, I don't think I'd want my 6th a d 7th graders to act like that either.

So you’ve taken it upon yourself to be a 1 woman crusade to go the other way and say it’s wrong or “sick” for a 6th grader to have more in common with an 8th grader than a 4th grader? My rising 7th grader plays a club sport where she is with kids up to age 14, and there were no issues last year when she was in 6th and the oldest kids were in 8th.

One woman crusade? Lol no i don't think so. I've also never called any kids in any grade sick. That was in another post, all I said was that there are alot more people, especially here oh DCUM who shame MS kids for still acting like kids than those who shame them for acting older.

[Anonymous]

Kids like all humans aren't predictable. Your kid may be awesome in 6th and a disaster at 8th. Great in MS and sucks in HS. Horrible childhood years and wildly successful as an adult.

You can't really say how life will go from year to year except that since puberty tends to hit from 6th grade on and kids this age can be insecure in general, it becomes a challenging time for all.

I just wouldn't hold me breath in ether case if great or terrible MS years. You have no idea what other surprises are in store! Hah!!