Is middle school miserable for most kids

[Anonymous]

My kids LOVE middle school. They aren’t super “popular” but they have their good few friends, and school isn’t super rigorous. It’s mainly just a good time.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s the school. My kids are at a private k-12 nearby that gets a lot of transfers from there for 6th and 7th grade. The parents often talk about what a different and better environment it is socially and how they can’t believe the lack of bullying and bad behavior and how on top of it the school is. I would look elsewhere

[Anonymous]

My son went to Carson and had a few good friends and had a great time. I feel like middle school is harder for girls somehow.

[Anonymous]

High school for me was worse than middle school.

[Anonymous]

My oldest boy (15 now) was fine in middle school. Not amazing but not bad at all. Minimal drama.

My rising 7th grade boy had a good year in 6th. We’ll see what 7th grade brings.

[Anonymous]

My boys sailed through MS but struggled socially in 9th-10th

My daughter had a tough time in MS but sailed thru HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are very rich and despite throwing lots of money at the problem and making sure the child appeared affluent it didn't help , this is public school

Seriously curious...how did you think looking affluent would help? Just having cool clothes?

I was bullied in a W school middle but it had nothing to do with fashion. But it was a very fashion & affluence conscious place. I moved in before 7th and away in the middle of 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't miserable for me, in the sense that I was not teased or picked on, but except for two friends that I had since elementary, I was generally politely ignored, for the most part. So not especially enjoyable.

Same for me. I found outside activities and found good friends there. But only one friend in school.

My rising 8th grader is exactly the same as the above two posters. She’s very social and craves friends so she’s taken it pretty hard. Thank goodness for the outside activities, but the school days are long and many.

[Anonymous]

My DD definitely struggled socially and emotionally in 6th grade, even though they spent a lot of time on social-emotional development at her independent school. Puberty and recognizing the potential objectification of herself, shifting social dynamics, increased materialism and technology (who-has-what, limits or lack thereof of peers, pushing boundaries self-advocating for more screen time etc.) were all factors. Increased academic rigor and opportunities for growth through ECs both inside and outside of school as well as sleepaway camp have been great for her to develop several new friends. She has retained some old friends and just realized she needed to let others go as they are in different places. I am hoping 7th grade will be less rocky but also know that a tremendous amount of growth and maturation is happening and sometimes that only comes through experiencing some challenging situations.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I both absolutely despised our large public middle schools. We both decided we would never send our kids to one.

When I researched what was the best configuration for grades 6-8, students who were in k-8 schools had better self-esteem / positive self-perception than students in a a stand alone 6-8 school. We moved our kids when the oldest was in 5th and he did 5-8 in.a private school and our youngest did 4-8. Then they went back to public high school. It worked out well and they loved their middle school experience. Now both are doing well in public high school.

They were a year behind in math from their cohort from their public school who took algebra in 7th since their school waits until 8th for algebra, but they both took online geometry classes to catch up to be in Algebra 2 H in 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

What exactly is “being a kid” and how does having 6th graders in MS prevent that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

But the thing is they are really not all still kids. This is why middle school sucks. Puberty timing varies WIDELY. And this age range is when it's most obvious and apparent. Some really do need more independence, more autonomy, and they're not interested in things that kids are interested in developmentally. And that's okay. Just like it's okay that some still look and act like "kids". I think there is no avoiding a wide disparity of where kids are in a group setting at this age. It's just a tough time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

Maybe it’s just my experience with my tweens, but by 6th grade they were much closer developmentally to an 8th grader than to a 4th grader. It was also to their benefit to start to adjust to the independence that comes with MS. My kids enjoyed 6th grade much more than 5th grade. By 5th grade the same kids had been together for years and the drama was a lot.

I think that every kid is different. In 6th grade I still felt like a kid, also in 7th and 8th. Not at all saying the independence and freedom is at all a bad thing, it's not, but even the 7th and 8th graders are still kids and I think that they should be able to be.

What exactly is “being a kid” and how does having 6th graders in MS prevent that?

Doing and having fun doing kid stuff and having the time to do it. You really don't know what being a kid means. MS is the time school work ramps up and extracurriculars take the place of free time and free play, which is way more expected of kids today. They also lose things like recess