Is middle school miserable for most kids

[Anonymous]

My kid liked middle school much better than elementary or high school. He had a lot of friends, got to take advanced classes, play on sports teams and wasn't yet ticked off by all the ridiculous rules like he was in high school.

[Anonymous]

DD thought middle school was “meh” but no problems. I was relieved there was far less drama than I anticipated (after hearing horror stories about mean girls etc).

Current DS in middle school also “meh”. No real problems.

Oldest DS had a terrible time in middle school but was an extreme late bloomer and had a hard time socially- was not in same wavelength as other boys, got picked on some.

[Anonymous]

Not miserable for me, but it was just fine. I don't really see the point of it. Also, too many kids trying to act older for my liking. I had a good small group of school friends, but mostly hung out with my neighborhood friends. I tried to stay out of drama.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the West and junior high was grades 7-9. I thought that was better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the West and junior high was grades 7-9. I thought that was better.

That sounds way better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD thought middle school was “meh” but no problems. I was relieved there was far less drama than I anticipated (after hearing horror stories about mean girls etc).

Current DS in middle school also “meh”. No real problems.

Oldest DS had a terrible time in middle school but was an extreme late bloomer and had a hard time socially- was not in same wavelength as other boys, got picked on some.

Im.sorry for your oldest, that really sucks. Apparently I was a "late bloomer" too. I just wasn't into older things yet. And thats ok, some MS move way too fast.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I mean the concept of middle school is fairly recent. Elementaries used to go through 6th grade and then you either had a junior high (7-9th) and high school (10-12) or in rare cases a combined high school that was 7-12.

At some point they figured out that separating all the super hormonal kids at peak puberty from everyone else would at least make elementary school and high school a bit better. But I don't think they've ever really figured out how to make middle school better serve the needs of this age group. I think a lot of it has to do with our discomfort as a society with kids sexually maturing. But it's made worse by increased pressure on kids academically. So basically middle school kids are given too little support with puberty and hormonal changes but are simultaneously told that if they aren't smart and accomplished enough it will ruin their entire lives. It's a recipe for disaster.

I feel like we should approach middle school like early childhood education. With a different focus of course but the same idea -- major focus on life skills and socio-emotional learning and then wrap the academics up in that package. But basically no focus on grades -- just meeting academic and developmental benchmarks and acclimating to the increased expectations of high school.

Yikes no, it’s the opposite. MS kids are ready for challenges and independence. Babying them is the opposite of what they need. Academics and grades are totally appropriate. They also don’t generally need adult-led “social emotional” lessons; but guidance on how to resolve the issues that come up.

I don't think it's babying them. Sure, you can ramp school work up a little bit, but don't forget that they're still kids.

But they are not kids any more. They are not adults, either, but neither are they kids like five years olds are. It's hard for parents to accept that and it's often hard for them to accept that. But treating them as kids is not helping them.

What are you supposed to treat them like then? Maybe some kids don't want to be treated like kids and try to act older, but not all of them

[Anonymous]

I mean, everyone’s experiences are different, so I’m sure plenty of people had relatively fine times in middleschool. But most times I’ve seen this discussed, the general consensus is that yes middleschool really sucks, and when looking back after finishing high school it is often mentioned as their least favorite part of their school years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older child had a rough time in middle and now much happier in high school. My current rising 8th grader also seems to be having a tough time all around. I don’t know if it is the school (Cooper) or just the age. My friends with kids at other schools also seem to have challenges as well.

OP would you mind elaborating what you think (or heard from your kids) that made their Cooper experience difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MS is usually miserable for so many kids it makes me wonder why it even exists. Or what could be done, if anything to make it better.

I found that middle school is not as bad when it is included as part of a K-8 model. The middle school aged kids get to be kids longer, less pressure re: phones and they gain confidence from being at the top of the school, with the younger students looking up to them. I think this is the only reason my sensitive DD came out okay.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the kids are grappling with how they are perceived. Some girls want to be seen as the most popular or beautiful and some girls are baffled/mortified at those peers' interests and want nothing to do with it, so feel left out of those concerns but still crave friends. Happy friendships are possible though even with different goals. Personality types are a wrench in the gears as some feel they have to put others down to be on top or their own changes make them moody and it dominoes to their peers. Boys want to be seen as tough and being sporty isn't enough when pitted against kids who come from rougher environments. All that combined with varied levels of exposure to mature themes and it's uncomfortable at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the kids are grappling with how they are perceived. Some girls want to be seen as the most popular or beautiful and some girls are baffled/mortified at those peers' interests and want nothing to do with it, so feel left out of those concerns but still crave friends. Happy friendships are possible though even with different goals. Personality types are a wrench in the gears as some feel they have to put others down to be on top or their own changes make them moody and it dominoes to their peers. Boys want to be seen as tough and being sporty isn't enough when pitted against kids who come from rougher environments. All that combined with varied levels of exposure to mature themes and it's uncomfortable at best.

Don’t forget the general lack of self-awareness of bith genders.

This is probably, besides babies dealing with understanding permanency—the age where kids are the least self-aware of others.

They don’t even have yo try and be rude/mean. They just end up being so because they don’t realize the hurt they cause others.

[Anonymous]

My kid had great teachers in 6th and did very well. He didn't like his classes as much in 7th and has sort of checked out. Now he's not interested in extra curriculars or anything because school annoys him. Idk if that's the school, the age, or just him right now.

Social emotionally he's a pretty confident, roll with the punches kind of kid. There absolutely has been conflict between the kids (harassment and teasing gone too far). He handles it well, takes a break from those friends with non school friends as needed, and talks through problems.

So I very much see how it's a very difficult phase for them. My younger one is about to enter MS and struggles with the social emotional, and I'm very concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't miserable for me, in the sense that I was not teased or picked on, but except for two friends that I had since elementary, I was generally politely ignored, for the most part. So not especially enjoyable.

I had one kid who basically had 2 friends during middle school and survived. He did well in school and kept to himself. He doesn’t participate in any drama.

My other kid was a popular kid in elementary and a lot of his friends are the jerks. They are jerks to him and jerks to others. He still seems to have held on to two friends who are nice and we have known them forever. He seems to not talk to several of his closest friends from elementary.

I actually think the more popular kid is having a much more difficult time navigating middle school than my quiet kid did. It is easier to be invisible.

[Anonymous]

MS is an awkward time in kids life especially because we as a society are still grappling with educating kids about sexual maturity. For some reason people save this education for this time period instead of doing it earlier where it would just be facts instead of both facts and emotion. If kids could truly have already accepted sexual maturation it would be less scary and taboo and adults would really only be dealing with the emotion of the changes that occur.

Second particularly for public school the class size is wrong. Yes it’s a bigger school but the class sizes need to be much smaller. Kids this age need independence but they also need the connection of peers and teachers that comes from smaller classes. This would allow teachers to actually help more students, give students the chance to learn to speak up, and allow for conversations and projects that foster independence.

Third, all grades need more true experiential learning. They need to see subjects in the real world, experience leaving campus on field trips. 8th graders need to have a leadership role in the school. That way they don’t seem like this towering figures who have nothing in common with the 6th graders. It would help the older kids to remember how they felt stepping into a new space.

Fourth cell phones. JC every MS in the country needs to ban cell phones, like today.