Therapist says we are busy doing and not feeling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said
All of our issues are follow through, action-oriented implementation issues which then result in feelings because something went wrong and someone gets stressed and then communication breaks down.

You know that mistakes are going to happen in life. And people are going to drop the ball sometimes. If your emotional state hangs on everything going according to plan, you're setting up for volatility. It's better to become more familiar with your feelings as they are regularly.

OP here. My thoughts exactly. But the problem is that whenever anyone drops the ball, instead of just seeing it as a ball to pick up it becomes a character disagreement. That is what is annoying and while there could be some autistic traits, the more prevalent issue in the family is adhd. Mostly hyperactive adhd. So people are impulsive and reactive snd dont think their words qnd axrions through while also wanting to be as good as Michael Phelps type mentality in their area of focus
But they don't have the discipline. So it's really a cognitive issue to keeping things together and less emotionality around each ball dropped or trying not to drop balls. This is why it's confusing with the therapist because the issues are small and yet they are getting larger than necessary emotional reactions if anyone calls them even just calmly on a ball that is dropped. But instead of the therapist helping the family have a lessee reactive behavior to small issues she's saying that we don't focus enough on feelings and I'm thinking all I asked was for him to clean his plate and put it in the dishwasher. Or if there is a safety issue I'm wondering why people are focused on feelings and not ensuring themselves and others that they are safe.

You don’t know how to perceive, understand, and manage feelings. You therapist is trying to help you. You are trying to get the therapist to train your family to react and behave the way you want and your family is sick of you.

Can’t tell. Is OP the poor communicator or her adhd spouse and adhd kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is it with all this emotionally reactivity? Your husband? A kid? Both? Because you are really trying to hide the ball here on what is going on.

People with ADHD don’t like being reminded of what a hot mess they are. Some of them get really, really angry. Are the people with ADHD in this scenario on medication? If not, meds will help you a lot more than therapy will.

Do the people with ADHD think they have things to work on? Would they talk to an executive functioning coach?

Family therapy seems like a strange strategy without more insight into what else you are doing to solve ADHD problems.

Yes this is a Troll post or lame Hide The Reveal post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is it with all this emotionally reactivity? Your husband? A kid? Both? Because you are really trying to hide the ball here on what is going on.

People with ADHD don’t like being reminded of what a hot mess they are. Some of them get really, really angry. Are the people with ADHD in this scenario on medication? If not, meds will help you a lot more than therapy will.

Do the people with ADHD think they have things to work on? Would they talk to an executive functioning coach?

Family therapy seems like a strange strategy without more insight into what else you are doing to solve ADHD problems.

We all have ADHD. I don't know what other therapy helps with communication for an entire family of ADHD people

And??

And you’re all in stimulant meds?

You’ve all been tested since tween age?

You’ve all had executive functioning coaching?


Or is this an asinine Troll Post again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are repeatedly stating how you perceive the situation in your family.
How about how the other people in your family perceive it?
Do you hear them if their perception does not align with yours? Do you "allow" them to express their feelings/ideas openly?
Is this what the therapist is trying to get at?

If the communication in your family is not working, something needs to change. Why not let the professional you hired try to address the issue, even if it is not the way you would address it (which, according to you, is not working)?

Everyone in the family expresses their emotions openly. It's just a bit exhausting to have big emotions for small things regularly.

Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is it with all this emotionally reactivity? Your husband? A kid? Both? Because you are really trying to hide the ball here on what is going on.

People with ADHD don’t like being reminded of what a hot mess they are. Some of them get really, really angry. Are the people with ADHD in this scenario on medication? If not, meds will help you a lot more than therapy will.

Do the people with ADHD think they have things to work on? Would they talk to an executive functioning coach?

Family therapy seems like a strange strategy without more insight into what else you are doing to solve ADHD problems.

OP, you need a therapist/coach with expertise re: executive function challenges, not talk therapy. You can't communicate out of ADHD. Get a good meds strategy in place for ADHD and anxiety FIRST or you are wasting your time and money.

Ok I’m out. This sounds like a $hit$how. Please don’t have any more adhd kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many therapists have no idea what they are doing and are just grasping at straws and trying to keep the conversation going.

True

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Communication breakdowns because honestly too much emotion and not enough standards

I have no idea what that means.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I’m dense but I do not understand OP’s posts and I do not understand why they are in family therapy. It’s word salad. Maybe the therapist feels the same way?

[Anonymous]

OP talks about other family members like they are robots that sometimes operate correctly, and sometimes operate incorrectly. OP is happy when the robots work correctly, and frustrated when they seemingly malfunction. It’s like OP just wants the therapist to fix the robots. So that the household can continue to run smoothly.

The therapist is suggesting that every one in the house is in fact human and has emotions, Potentially quite deep, strong emotions that never get acknowledged or discussed. And it would be good to be aware of that!

Sounds like what therapy supposed to do to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the second family therapy session the therapist said I hear a lot about what you are doing but not what you are feeling on a day to day basis. All of our issues are follow through, action-oriented implementation issues which then result in feelings because something went wrong and someone gets stressed and then communication breaks down. Someone didn't clean something up, didn't pay something on time etc. I don't really understand her assertion that somehow we should be feeling so much on a given day though so it's hard to respond to her. It's not like I don't have regular feelings, I just don't have strong feelings on a given day. If things are going well I feel mostly content and if things are not going well I feel somewhat stressed. I don't really feel anger and joy on a regular basis. I generally stay within the green and yellow zones of regulation. It has to be something really strong to feel really sad, mad, or joyous. Is there something I should be feeling on a regular basis in these columns? Why does it seem like this person thinks we should feel more on a standard day where work was ok, dinner happened, kids got to classes, and all that happened was a water bottle went missing. If no one dies or I don't get a promotion I don't see the reason to be in these zones.

Sounds like a lot of word salad... run from this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are the words you would use to describe any emotions you have had in the last 24 hrs?

Happy when life went well. Frustrated when they didn't. Angry when someone else got angry at me by making a small issue bigger. . But 90 percent of the day was just happiness or anxiety or frustration or peace. More od the green and yellow areas of regulation

Ugh. I know someone like this. When she had her first child, she was happy when the baby was on schedule and annoyed when the baby was off schedule and the adults in the room were not focused on getting the baby back on schedule. It didn’t matter what was going on in anyone else’s life. If people pointed out she wasn’t happy, she said she would be when the baby ate the right amount, slept when the baby was supposed to, etc. She’s still miserable and friendless.

My child messes up all the time. When he does, he feels sad and disappointed. Sometimes he feels like a mess up. It takes a minute to tousle his hair and give him a hug. I remind him that mistakes are ok, and we love him for who he is. I should add by standard measures, he’s very high achieving, but he doesn’t do it for me. It turns out he can mess up and still be high achieving. Also my happiness doesn’t depend on his not messing up.