Dating and splitting costs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men have always paid for dates with me, whether as first or early dates or in relationships. It’s a turnoff if a guy expects you to pay.

For me it’s a turn off when a guy treats me like a non-equal partner.

He actually treats you fairly and equitably when he pays. Women give more in other aspects of the relationship. Any woman who was married for a long time understands it
My son is not a mommy’s boy. He did all his college visits on his own, travels with friends living independently. He just values what women bring to the table beside money and doesn’t value everything in life in monetary terms

I’m sure he will find himself a nice trad wife and will be very happy. I don’t do more than my partner in any aspect of my relationship. We are very equal in everything.

Life brings changes. It’s rarely when partners earn exactly the same, contribute exactly the same with child care etc. Partners take roles and these roles may change over years. When your partner is old and frail, and is no longer able to contribute equally - would you dump him ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you go find out for your self? I’m a guy but I’m older and I still believe in picking up the check.

I’m married with two sons. I was more curious for them.

Why don’t you let them figure out their own dating lives?

My son earns enough to pay for his girls’ Ubers, drinks and ice cream

Such a strange response. You’re very strange.

He would be ashamed not being able offer a drink to the girl he likes. He’s tall, athletic and handsome and has plenty of options.
He saw how hard his mom worked raising him, contributing to family. My son values women and understands they contribute more in relationships in non-financial way. I’m proud of him

Who cares. A million others just like him. I can afford to pay for my own drinks and so can the men I date. It’s patronizing to women when men assume they need to be taken care of. I strive for equality in every aspect of my relationship. But I also don’t date mama’s boys like your son so all is well.

No there is no million others like him. It’s actually very hard to find a generous, understanding and truly equal partner among men.

Well it’s good that at least his mom thinks so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men have always paid for dates with me, whether as first or early dates or in relationships. It’s a turnoff if a guy expects you to pay.

For me it’s a turn off when a guy treats me like a non-equal partner.

He actually treats you fairly and equitably when he pays. Women give more in other aspects of the relationship. Any woman who was married for a long time understands it
My son is not a mommy’s boy. He did all his college visits on his own, travels with friends living independently. He just values what women bring to the table beside money and doesn’t value everything in life in monetary terms

I’m sure he will find himself a nice trad wife and will be very happy. I don’t do more than my partner in any aspect of my relationship. We are very equal in everything.

Life brings changes. It’s rarely when partners earn exactly the same, contribute exactly the same with child care etc. Partners take roles and these roles may change over years. When your partner is old and frail, and is no longer able to contribute equally - would you dump him ?

What are you even going on about? Of course I wouldn’t dump him. And he wouldn’t dump me either. We are a team and love and support each other not because of some transitional roles you think we assumed. I specifically looked for a man who is an adult and can manage just fine without me but wants me in his life because he loves me. Not because he needs me to be his second mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you go find out for your self? I’m a guy but I’m older and I still believe in picking up the check.

I’m married with two sons. I was more curious for them.

Why don’t you let them figure out their own dating lives?

My son earns enough to pay for his girls’ Ubers, drinks and ice cream

Sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men have always paid for dates with me, whether as first or early dates or in relationships. It’s a turnoff if a guy expects you to pay.

For me it’s a turn off when a guy treats me like a non-equal partner.

He actually treats you fairly and equitably when he pays. Women give more in other aspects of the relationship. Any woman who was married for a long time understands it
My son is not a mommy’s boy. He did all his college visits on his own, travels with friends living independently. He just values what women bring to the table beside money and doesn’t value everything in life in monetary terms

I’m sure he will find himself a nice trad wife and will be very happy. I don’t do more than my partner in any aspect of my relationship. We are very equal in everything.

Life brings changes. It’s rarely when partners earn exactly the same, contribute exactly the same with child care etc. Partners take roles and these roles may change over years. When your partner is old and frail, and is no longer able to contribute equally - would you dump him ?

What are you even going on about? Of course I wouldn’t dump him. And he wouldn’t dump me either. We are a team and love and support each other not because of some transitional roles you think we assumed. I specifically looked for a man who is an adult and can manage just fine without me but wants me in his life because he loves me. Not because he needs me to be his second mom.

You do sound transactional, petty and also pretty set in your ways

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you go find out for your self? I’m a guy but I’m older and I still believe in picking up the check.

I’m married with two sons. I was more curious for them.

Why don’t you let them figure out their own dating lives?

My son earns enough to pay for his girls’ Ubers, drinks and ice cream

Sucker.

You don’t seem to be a happy person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men have always paid for dates with me, whether as first or early dates or in relationships. It’s a turnoff if a guy expects you to pay.

For me it’s a turn off when a guy treats me like a non-equal partner.

He actually treats you fairly and equitably when he pays. Women give more in other aspects of the relationship. Any woman who was married for a long time understands it
My son is not a mommy’s boy. He did all his college visits on his own, travels with friends living independently. He just values what women bring to the table beside money and doesn’t value everything in life in monetary terms

I’m sure he will find himself a nice trad wife and will be very happy. I don’t do more than my partner in any aspect of my relationship. We are very equal in everything.

Life brings changes. It’s rarely when partners earn exactly the same, contribute exactly the same with child care etc. Partners take roles and these roles may change over years. When your partner is old and frail, and is no longer able to contribute equally - would you dump him ?

What are you even going on about? Of course I wouldn’t dump him. And he wouldn’t dump me either. We are a team and love and support each other not because of some transitional roles you think we assumed. I specifically looked for a man who is an adult and can manage just fine without me but wants me in his life because he loves me. Not because he needs me to be his second mom.

You do sound transactional, petty and also pretty set in your ways

And you sound completely dumb.

[Anonymous]

Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you go find out for your self? I’m a guy but I’m older and I still believe in picking up the check.

I’m married with two sons. I was more curious for them.

Why don’t you let them figure out their own dating lives?

My son earns enough to pay for his girls’ Ubers, drinks and ice cream

Such a strange response. You’re very strange.

Pp was not me. That was a NP. My sons are teens and do not earn money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If he’s asking me out on a date, he’s not looking for friendship. I wonder if men understand that staking their resentment on the hill of splitting the check only makes them look that much worse when the next guy makes her laugh and absolutely refuses to let her pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I usually date younger men (30s). They always pay.

When I was dating 20 years ago, the guys also always paid. If I was in a relationship, then eventually I split costs or paid sometimes.

I don't think it has changed at least for people 30 and above. I have no idea about 20s.

Cougar in the house lol!

I am not the pursuer, but whatever.

Exactly - women who have options don’t need to pursue men and demonstrate fake non-existent “equality” by splitting bills or Venmo minuscular expenses

I’m sure he appreciates your a lot more when you put out at the end of the date to thank him for that drink.

I don't "put out" unless it is a long time. Nice try. I typically don't even kiss until the third date. At 46, I still have no shortage of options with 30s men. I don't pursue myself.

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and always offer to pay on the first date, and if they say no, I ask if I can leave the tip at least and they usually decline that too. I have had some take me up on either offer, and that’s fine too, it’s not a game I play to see if they’ll accept my offer to pay at face value or not.

I tend to date guys who make more money than me, and they seem to want to pay for most dates. I try to contribute by cooking meals, buying tickets for special events, etc. Travel is almost always 50/50 on the accommodations, but they tend to pick up the tab for the meals.

I think it’s a good sign that they recognize the income discrepancy and try to be equitable, not equal. I’m 46 fwiw, and have been dating post divorce for 15 years, with a few relationships spanning years. But I’ve gone on tons of first, second and third dates.

All of that to say that I think it’s a case by case basis. That’s what has worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friends were telling me how in this age of dating, couples often split costs for everything and often Venmo one another back and forth.

Is this true? Is it normal for couples to go Dutch?

Guys have always paid for dates when I was dating 20 years ago. I don’t think I would have gone on a second date if the guy wanted to split the bill on our first date.

And if I picked up on your sense of entitlement, you would not have been asked out on a 2nd date.

Geez, some of these responses are just mean + immature.

Grow up DCUM.

OP, I think a man should always pay for the first date.
Maybe even the second.

After that, going Dutch would be ideal.

The entire Venmo process sounds a little dumb to me. 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I usually date younger men (30s). They always pay.

When I was dating 20 years ago, the guys also always paid. If I was in a relationship, then eventually I split costs or paid sometimes.

I don't think it has changed at least for people 30 and above. I have no idea about 20s.

Cougar in the house lol!

I am not the pursuer, but whatever.

Exactly - women who have options don’t need to pursue men and demonstrate fake non-existent “equality” by splitting bills or Venmo minuscular expenses

I’m sure he appreciates your a lot more when you put out at the end of the date to thank him for that drink.

I don't "put out" unless it is a long time. Nice try. I typically don't even kiss until the third date. At 46, I still have no shortage of options with 30s men. I don't pursue myself.

But it is nonetheless contingent on him paying for things to woo you.