Dating and splitting costs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

I think women do those things for themselves and/or other women (if they do those things at all). I wash and wear my curly hair naturally (regular haircuts but no highlights or anything like that), wear regular mall brand clothing and minimal makeup (tinted moisturizer, mascara, and lip gloss only) and I don't get waxes at all. I am attractive but not model beautiful. Married now, but never had any shortage of men wanting to date me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

I think women do those things for themselves and/or other women (if they do those things at all). I wash and wear my curly hair naturally (regular haircuts but no highlights or anything like that), wear regular mall brand clothing and minimal makeup (tinted moisturizer, mascara, and lip gloss only) and I don't get waxes at all. I am attractive but not model beautiful. Married now, but never had any shortage of men wanting to date me.

If they're dating, it's for both and you know it. Look at all the requirements on her by male posters: thin, dressed nice, etc. etc. That takes effort and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

This makes no sense to me unless it is being clearly communicated “I want to treat you to a meal.” If someone invites me to go out with friends, I expect to pay. If they invite me to dinner at their house, I bring something to it. I have agency. Someone invites me out and i get all my expenses paid just because I decided it was something I wanted to do and agreed to do it?

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im surprised no one has mentioned the difference in cost for being what’s generally considered “date-able” for men and women:hair, clothes, make up, waxing. It’s not insignificant.

I think women do those things for themselves and/or other women (if they do those things at all). I wash and wear my curly hair naturally (regular haircuts but no highlights or anything like that), wear regular mall brand clothing and minimal makeup (tinted moisturizer, mascara, and lip gloss only) and I don't get waxes at all. I am attractive but not model beautiful. Married now, but never had any shortage of men wanting to date me.

Bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am completely turned off by men who refuse to let women pay. I am not a child or a pet. I don't need someone to buy me my food or pay for my activities or look after my basic needs.

I don't care if he pays sometimes as long as he is perfectly fine with me paying sometimes too and any trips or bigger expenses are split.

I am an independent adult. Not looking to be dependent on another person, nor do I want a traditional gender role marriage, nor do I want a marriage based on inequitable views and actions.

I am also not interested in a man who wants me to take care of him, have him as my dependent, or have me do basic adult tasks for him.

Jesus H. How about just learn his/her values and decide you are a fit instead of these arbitrary rules (if he pays, he's treating me like a child)? It's different for every person. And it may not be your choice/preference and that's fine. But doesn't mean he is trying to "take care of you" and you paying is not emasculating.

I swear, I don't know how most of you function in society and relationships.

DP, and I don’t see how people think it’s fine for one person to pay (or do anything else) for both of you all the time.

But then, I could never use “emasculating” unironically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am completely turned off by men who refuse to let women pay. I am not a child or a pet. I don't need someone to buy me my food or pay for my activities or look after my basic needs.

I don't care if he pays sometimes as long as he is perfectly fine with me paying sometimes too and any trips or bigger expenses are split.

I am an independent adult. Not looking to be dependent on another person, nor do I want a traditional gender role marriage, nor do I want a marriage based on inequitable views and actions.

I am also not interested in a man who wants me to take care of him, have him as my dependent, or have me do basic adult tasks for him.

Jesus H. How about just learn his/her values and decide you are a fit instead of these arbitrary rules (if he pays, he's treating me like a child)? It's different for every person. And it may not be your choice/preference and that's fine. But doesn't mean he is trying to "take care of you" and you paying is not emasculating.

I swear, I don't know how most of you function in society and relationships.

DP, and I don’t see how people think it’s fine for one person to pay (or do anything else) for both of you all the time.

But then, I could never use “emasculating” unironically

No woman said here that the man has to pay all the time. They explained reasoning why they would prefer men who pay at the early stages of dating. All valid reasons , in fact. You have other valid reasons to pay your way. Good for you but for many women the experience in LTR was more positive with men who were actively pursuing them and taking out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are women really paying for dates? Why would you pay if he asked you out?

I don’t know. For the same reason you pay for yourself when you go out with friends. Or is the carrot the possibility of sex and he has to pay in order to get that?

If I invite a friend or my parent out, I absolutely pay . It’s the one who invites paying

This makes no sense to me unless it is being clearly communicated “I want to treat you to a meal.” If someone invites me to go out with friends, I expect to pay. If they invite me to dinner at their house, I bring something to it. I have agency. Someone invites me out and i get all my expenses paid just because I decided it was something I wanted to do and agreed to do it?

Weird.

That just shows your privilege. You think it is weird when other people do not pay for you. I wonder in you have ever paid for someone else? I bet that must be a big internal struggle for you.