Has anyone else never “found their people” as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Dear OP. You sound smart and, in many ways, appealing. I am the "nice Jewish boy" type and have been shocked at how many women like you have approached me on dating apps. Also some other people of color from high pressure families, including Nigerians and Latinas who grew up with successful parents. Your experiences are not as unusual as you think.

Two books you might like are I Hate You, Don't Leave Me (about borderline personality disorder) and Permission to Come Home (Asian American perspective on various psychological issues).

I'd also try Bumble for friends. Many smart, straight, lonely women are finding great friends that way.

There definitely is hope for you. But you need to work on your thought processes as others have said. No platonic friend or lover is going to retrain your brain. You need to do that with professional help.

[Anonymous]

I posted above that your parents and family sound like every other Asian family I know.

I was raised in the same environment with my brother who is bipolar. It took my parents decades to finally accept and understand mental illness. I know they just wanted the best for him. He never actually launched. He has a few friends he smokes up with. He likes music and basketball.

I hope you can discover what makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be goal oriented.

I just came back from a trip to Asia and half the Asian population your age is probably in a similar boat as you being an unemployed college grad living at home being nagged by their parents.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Honestly, I spent the weekend with a man who I thought was going to be a serious boyfriend and it turned out he was extremely controlling - not just sexually, which was borderline scary, but he was intent on harnessing control of my mind.

He became extremely curt and angry when I stopped letting him attempt to manipulate and mind control me.

What makes it worse is that for months we clicked on very intimate and personal subjects, and he "got" me in ways most people don't. So this has been unsettling and makes me feel more alone than ever.

I'm 33 years old and tired of not finding my "tribe".

[Anonymous]

Hi OP

You will find your people.

Maybe you need to do a 180 from what is expected of you.

Have you ever wanted to work abroad? Your mbb experience, ivy degree will open so many doors. Or maybe teach English somewhere.

Perhaps I am underestimating your families ways & this isn’t a possibility.

But I hope you are able to pursue your happiness

[Anonymous]

Americorps or something similar also might be good. I really hope you get out of your parents' house.