I am sad for DD--this past weekend

[Anonymous]

What the hell is Viva Vienna?

And why didn’t they go together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sure was a low brow teen crowd there this weekend. The girls were barely clothed. SMH.

Stop the misogynistic body shaming. And you sound pathetically unaware of contemporary fashion/culture.

Being au courant does not in itself make a certain fashion or a certain style appropriate or empowering. This was true of Victorian corsetry and is true today of whatever it is that young women are wearing (or not wearing in most cases).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's fear driven. And it doesn't sound like separate groups, just 2 individuals one kid might want to keep separate because they might just get along and kick the original friend out. Sounds like they weren't that close to original friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's inept social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t be invited to every thing. Grow a backbone. They could have went with each other and had a good time. Don’t sit around waiting for an invitation.

OP said her kids reached out to friends but never heard back. They weren't waiting around for an invitation. And my 15 yo DS would rather die than go to VV with his 13 year old sister and possibly see his friends there....

Man, you're not raising your son right, are you? How humiliating for you. That is NOT normal.

LOL it absolutely is normal for this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's fear driven. And it doesn't sound like separate groups, just 2 individuals one kid might want to keep separate because they might just get along and kick the original friend out. Sounds like they weren't that close to original friend.

You have some serious paranoia. Some people prefer socializing in smaller groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's fear driven. And it doesn't sound like separate groups, just 2 individuals one kid might want to keep separate because they might just get along and kick the original friend out. Sounds like they weren't that close to original friend.

You have some serious paranoia. Some people prefer socializing in smaller groups.

Sure...
I'm the paranoid one

[Anonymous]

I have 13 and 15 yo boys. I’m assuming this is similar to our McLean Day. My kids did go with friends but it was a really fluid group. It was really hectic and miscellaneous kids just walked around and hung out.

I would have brought a family friend.

[Anonymous]

And I do think some kids go with their family and siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's fear driven. And it doesn't sound like separate groups, just 2 individuals one kid might want to keep separate because they might just get along and kick the original friend out. Sounds like they weren't that close to original friend.

You have some serious paranoia. Some people prefer socializing in smaller groups.

Sure...
I'm the paranoid one

You are. My DD has her art friends, her swim friends, and her school friends. All friendships made due to circumstance. So you’re saying she sought these groups out independently and continues to keep them apart because of fear? Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably didn’t read the messages they sent to “reach out” but I think you’d find it telling if you did.

So many kids this age are socially insecure, and not direct at all. They are so terrified of rejection that they are usually pretty vague in their methods and often wait to be asked. The issue is that the other kids are equally clueless and insecure so they don’t want to be the ones to stick their neck out and invite. And don’t always pick up on someone hinting around wanting to be invited either.

Social plans are driven by the confident, social director types who organize everything. My oldest daughter is this person and she’s not perfect but she doesn’t play exclusion games. The other kids in their group are often mad at her bc of sone perceived slight. And she’s so confused bc she’s like why didn’t they ask to come? She’s very busy, impatient and her attention to detail isn’t great so she doesn’t always pick up on hints. She tells me all the time that she is friends with who she’s friends with bc she likes them so more the merrier.

Teach your kid to be the directors. To plan. To start and be the initiator. It’ll be less frustrating than waiting for other people “to be more inclusive”

I agree. I think many of the moms who post about being left out of school or neighborhood cliques could take the same advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Viva Vienna but she didn't go with a good friend. In fact, I have my doubts that good friend would have even checked with DD to see if she wanted to join her. That's where parents could and should step in.

So in this case, what makes the friend a "good" friend?

To this specific case, Good Friend hasn't been taught by parents to mesh her social circles. So each friend is in a compartment. Sad really because DD knows her other friend but for whatever reason Good Friend does something with X or does something with Y. Never shall the two mesh.

Ah, but maybe parents have taught Good Friend to retain your place and not end up being the odd person out.

Good Friend might be worried that X & Y together at an event might cause them to like each other and then Good Friend will be 3rd wheel.

That's a pathetic existence. Your friendship is based on how good your gatekeeping skills are.

DP
There’s nothing pathetic about having separate groups of friends. It’s rather smart, honestly.

It's fear driven. And it doesn't sound like separate groups, just 2 individuals one kid might want to keep separate because they might just get along and kick the original friend out. Sounds like they weren't that close to original friend.

You have some serious paranoia. Some people prefer socializing in smaller groups.

Sure...
I'm the paranoid one

You are. My DD has her art friends, her swim friends, and her school friends. All friendships made due to circumstance. So you’re saying she sought these groups out independently and continues to keep them apart because of fear? Please explain.

That's not what the previous poster said. You should reread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like every kid we know went to Viva Vienna with someone this weekend and no one invited or included my DD (13) or DS (15). They both reached out to friends and no one got back to them but they know from the socials that they were there. It's so disheartening when your teens aren't inclusive. They have friends and we host plenty so it's not a regular issue but it was very much in their face this weekend.
I don't have a question but a general sense of sadness for my kids and putting this PSA out to parents to teach your kids to be inclusive.

I offered to go with them to Viva Vienna but they said they'd rather die than be seen with their mom there.

Have your kids invite other left out kids. They'll find some great friends that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like every kid we know went to Viva Vienna with someone this weekend and no one invited or included my DD (13) or DS (15). They both reached out to friends and no one got back to them but they know from the socials that they were there. It's so disheartening when your teens aren't inclusive. They have friends and we host plenty so it's not a regular issue but it was very much in their face this weekend.
I don't have a question but a general sense of sadness for my kids and putting this PSA out to parents to teach your kids to be inclusive.

I offered to go with them to Viva Vienna but they said they'd rather die than be seen with their mom there.

Have your kids invite other left out kids. They'll find some great friends that way.

My kids wanted to go with their friends. They had no clue who was left out. This advice makes sense long term but not for immediate plans like Viva Vienna.